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jail dad Lock Rss

HI! my baby's dad is currently serving one year in jail for a stupid drunken mistake that too many young men seem to do!
He is definatly not a bad person just had a night out and didnt think. He has been a great dad to our daughter, now almost 10 mnths, from day one was in love with her and insisted on doing everything with her, once she was on the bottle he would do the early 5am or 6am feed so i could sleep and would always offer to have her while i went to work, although i only did this once, he was great she was settled with out me there and it was great for the both of them and probably me too although i havnt really left her since.
Although now that he is away im finding it really hard, a true solo mum, although we always lived apart he was here often, now all the jobs are up to me, all the feeds, waking, bathing, as well as normal house hold chores. Is anyone else in the same or similare situation to me??
Do you think my baby will remember the year without him around, when he comes out she will be 16 months.
I do take her to visit him about every 6 weeks but its not really a place i want her to remember and when we are there i dont feel like she has a great bond with him, i hope this can be re built!!

NZ mum to 10 mnth old girl!!

hi there,
while i'm not in your situation i do feel for you. it's really hard adjusting to doing everything yourself, having the energy to enjoy your baby as well as give her what she needs. it must be hard for dad as well suddenly being seperated from you both. i'm not certain but i think your baby will adjust to the changes without too much of a negative reaction. babies are very adaptable up until the age of 3 according to dr phil! my daughter (nearly 9 months) has had all sorts of different people in and out of her life (family in hk) she seems to remember them even though she sees them only periodically. as long as she has you as a constant figure she should feel secure. i dont really remember much before i was 2 years old so maybe it wont seem like that long to your bub even if she does remember dad being away for a while.
best wishes to you, hope this helps in some way!
mel

mel, ella jasmine 13/06/04 & benjamin tyler 6/8/06

I'm sorry to hear about your situation. My husband is away for work a lot (Navy) so what we have done is video tape him reading Char a few books and talking and playing with her. I play these to her every day when he is away and she always remembers him when he comes home. He is about to go away for four to five months so it will be the real test then. The trick is to have tem play the same games or read the same books for familiarisation.
If you can borrow a video camera from a friend or even some video stores lend them for a fee, I'm sure this would help her too. I only hope they let him record something for you to use.
Good luck.

Thank you to both of you replying, and i hope your right bout the lack of memory at this age.
The rules in jail are quite hard to bypass and no phones, cameras etc are allowed to go in, i wish i had thought bout it before he went tho, what a great idea, your litle girl is very lucky!
thanks again, its nice to get positive feedback about my decision to be supportive to him

NZ mum to 10 mnth old girl!!

From the sounds of the last comment I take it that you are getting negative feedback from others. I cannot imagine what you must be feeling, all I can suggest is that you stay as positive as possible as your baby is now the focus of your life and you need to remain stable for her sake. Everyone makes mistakes and from the sounds of things your partner had a lapse in judgement which we all do occasionally.
If you want someone to talk to privatley you can contact me at katey100@hotmail.com and I would be happy to talk either via e-mail, letters or even phone if you need someone. Don't hesitate to ask.
Thanks Charlottesmum, will keep that in mind, all is running smoothly at the moment for us but sometimes do have not so wonderful days. smile

NZ mum to 10 mnth old girl!!

My heart goes out to you it really does i dont know what i would do if i was in your situation. I wouldnt worry too much about bub not remembering daddy Im sure things will work out for the best.
Keep your Spirits high you will get there.
If you want to chat my email is aliciafinniss@optusnet.com.au i promise i will reply to you.

All the best we are thinking about you.

Alicia, Qld, Christian is 9 months & 1 on the way

hi,

just a thought, have you pretended to tell your child that daddy is away at work and is very busy? i know someone that did that and they said that it helped them and their son adjust. When their partner got out of jail he brought their son some presents and said that they were from his business trips?

just and idea maybe it will help?

aimee

Aimee, 4 year old princess

On the other side of Aimeeo85's comment, it may not be a really good idea to lie to a child about something like that. The last thing you want is someone to one day let slip the truth or heaven forbid, they find out by reading something etc. Being in jail is not really something that you can hide. I wish something like that would work for you. I still think of you often. How are you?
Hello,

I had a friend that was in sort of the same positin but her partner went to jail before she even new she was pregnant and he didnt get out till she was 18mths. Because of lack of room in the jails he was placed in max security and in his hole time in jail only got to hold his daughter twice. but he did talk to her on the phone every day. she use to play with her toy phone and pretend that she was talking to daddy. He is now out (its only been two months) and is like he has always been there. When he got out they just told her this is dad off the phone and went on with life as though he was always there. I think what help was the talking to her dad on the phone so if that is posable do that. she wont remember it in the long run and if both dont make a big deal about him being home she will accept it. i wish you all the best and dont let it get you down.

dani,nz,6mth baby

Hi LILG8R, there is a good chance that in the next few months I could be in your situation.
My man is on a suspended sentence andhas to go to court next month for traffic offences and his SOLICITOR has told him to take his tooth brush with him.
My man doesnt do alot around the house or for the kids and he defenately dosnt get up at night for them.
I dont want him to go to jail but in a way I do because I want him to wake up to himself and realise what hes got and that he should help more. Im struggling to cope now with him around and I realy dont know what lifes going to be like by myself with 2 babies even though Im practicly do it by myself now.
All my family live far away and his parents wont even watch my kids for five minutes so I wont bother asking them for help. Dont realy know what to do. FREAKING OUT!!!

Mia,16mths an 4mths

Hi im so sorry to hear that I bet your little one misses her dad like crazy and he would misses her like crazy and you a doing a excellent job doing everything and being a great mum.

And your daughter and her dad will always have a bond and they will never lose that just like how you have a bond between you and your daughter, I bet it isnt nice taking her to jail but less she see her dad and he see her and see how much she has grown and just keep strong you and your little angel and before you know it your dad will be out and spending time with her.

You a doing a amazing job and let me know how its all going.

Chat soon.

Tracey,Jaye (girl)12/06/05, Sam (boy)10/07/09

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