Dad works night shift, Routine what routine!!!!

Hi everyone, my boy is nearly 5 months old he still feeds every 4 hours. When dad gets home from work at 1am or sometimes 2am, he wants to play with bubs. I know it's more important for daddy to play with bubs then get into a 'normal' routine but i'm finding it hard to get used to it. We get to sleep so late that when we wake up it's 3 in the afternoon. It's a bit difficult when i have doctors appointments or friends and family want to visit (at normal hours of the day) I even do my grocery shopping near to midnight, because thats when it's most convienient. I feel like a vampire!! When everyone wakes up, we go to sleep. I dont know how i'm going to get bubs into a good routine. I could possibly do it if we had our own house then bubs could have his own room. But we live at my partners fathers house, until we save up enough for a deposit on a house. And because we live in the same room bubs wakes up because he can hear us. People say everything with us is backwards. It kind of is, isn't it. Is anyone in this situation or I'am i alone.

Hi Joshy's mum! My husband works late shifts too, not quite as late as yours but he still doesn't get home till after 11pm some nights! I have found it hard too to get both our kids into a routine as my husbands loves to spend time with them too! My son is 3 and still doesn't go to bed till about 10pm and my daughte who is 3.5 months doesn't go to bed till about 9:30pm! I have never kown what to do either as my kids just love their dad and love spending time with them! If you get any good suggestions please pass them on so I can try them too! Best wishes! If you ever want to chat my email is j_n_blair97@bigpond.com

Hi everyone my husband works 24 hour rosters 7 days a week so we too have no routine. His weekend could be Tuesday and Friday you just never know. He only has a sat and sun weekend once every 5 weeks!! It is so hard as people want to catch up but you have to work out what day your husband is working. A lot of people like to catch up during the day but chances are the day they want is the day my husband is at home and we like to spend time together as a family. My husband has just finished 7 days straight of night shift which means he starts at either 10.00pm or 11.00pm and works through to 6.00am or 7.00am. So if my son cries during the night I am on my own and then when my husband comes home he has to sleep so we try to be as quiet as we can or just go out. Most morning when I get ready for work I am on my own with just my son. When my husband works to 7.00am we dont get to see him at all that morning. Then he goes the other way and works from 2.00pm to 10.00pm or 3.00pm to 11.00pm. That means I have to finish work rush out of there like an idiot to pick up my son from day care get home, empty and repack my sons bag for the next day, feed and bath him, feed the cat and dog, answer the stupid phone, put my son to bed, do the house work, make my lunch for the next day and some where in there I am supposed to be preparing and eating dinner!!! Forget it by the time this is all done its around 9.00 and just want to crawl into bed. Then we have the days he starts at 6.00am so he is up at 5.00 which means so is the whole house. He is home around 2.00 so can get some rest but I am still at work so I cant. I could just go on and on about shift work and what a mess it is for a family but I wont. But it can get worse did I mention my husband also plays semi professional soccer? So he trains 2 nights a week and plays one day or night on the weekend. In the off season he also plays futsal. So on most days I do feel like a single mother and doing everything on my own but what can you do??

Hi girls, thank you so much for your reply now i know i'm not alone. Janeen when i was reading your post i almost cried. That must be so hard on you, and i thought i had it bad, you must think i'm a sook. Honestly i have no answers! But all i can say is your husband needs a pat on the back for working so much and trying to support you and your little boy. You should get a pat on the back too for working and looking after your son then doing all the other work like cleaning the house. I know you probably wouldn't have time but you two should go to the movies or to dinner one night i know it's hard but once your there you'll enjoy it. Me and my partner went to the movies for the first time in 7 months last week end. We saw Lord of the Rings, it did take an arm and a leg to get out of the house and still be enthusiasic about going. A few times my partner said "do you really want to go?" probably because he would much rather go to sleep. I must admit i had the best night even though my bum was numb sitting there for so long! My parents babysat Josh, the only thing is they didn't know that we would be back at 4am to pick him up. He was so grumpy when we picked him up it could be the fact that my dad is a little out of pracise and was trying to feed him COLD formula!!! He could not work out why Josh was screaming his head off. Oh my god i still can't believe he did that. I think we will probably wait awhile before we go out again. I too feel like a single mum sometimes especially when i go to family do's without him. And to everyone else it would look like he puts work before me and Joshy, but thats not true. He works to support us, i'm sure if he didn't have to work he wouldn't. I should stop thinking about what other people think, i guess. One last thing have either of you gone on a holiday or know someone how has, with a 5 mth old and still breastfeeding. Because my partner wants a break so we were thinking about going down to the beach for 3 or 4 days but i'm not sure how we're going to do it. I don't want to be breastfeeding on the beach!! What a sight.

Your husbands shifts sound very similar to my husbands! My husband is a nurse and the majority of his shifts start at 2pm and finish at 10:30pm! He too only gets a weekend off once every 5-6weeks and he works a 6-7 day week! What line of work does your husband do? I think my husband does a wonderful job and I know this is hard on him too as it's hard for him to find time to spend with us, except for his days off!

My husband is a police officer. So probably like your husband depending on what has happened during their shift his adrenalin can still be pumping for hours after he has finished his work. Then there are the days when he dreams of work while sleeping and if a siren goes off outside he literally jumps off the bed thinking he has fallen asleep at work. The worse night was when he had to clean up (looking for body parts mainly) after a person jumped in front of a train to suicide. He couldnt sleep for months as every time he closed his eyes he was seeing it all over again. When we first started going out one of the men he worked with was shot dead at work, that took a long time to get over for both of us. You always listen to the news in case a police officer has been injured. I even listen for major events like a siege, hold up or even a protest and hope he is not in the middle of it all.
Most of my husbands days off are when Caleb is at day care and I am at work. This year was the first year since I have known him that he did not have to work Xmas day or Boxing day. But he requested this and they rang him on Xmas Eve asking could he work Xmas day to which he replied not a hope in hell!! He had to start work at 5.00am New Years day but you can live with that. No doubt he will pay for it the rest of the year by being rostered on for every public holiday possible!!
My husband is very clear that if Caleb was to follow in his foot steps and become a police officer then he would do his best to talk him out of it. We are both hoping he sees the job for what it really is and learns it is no life for anyone.

Hi Joshy's mum. Sorry I didnt answer you in my earlier post. We went on a brief holiday when Caleb was nearly 3 months old. It was great but I warn you I hope you have a BIG car as you will be shocked at what you will need now. I wasnt able to breast feed so I stopped trying when Caleb was 6 weeks old. I cant see a problem with breastfeeding, you would just have to keep your fluids up as the sun and surf will take it out of you. Then you would have to be careful of sand etc. Have you got one of the sun safe beach tents? You could go into this and but your back to the door for privacy or just hang a towel over the opening. Just remember to pack a few clothes pegs in your beach bag. If you find a place which has a park you should be able to find a private spot to feed. The other thing is if you find accomodation close to the beach then you could return to feed on your own. What about expressing a few feeds?? But having said that breastfeeding is a perfectly natural thing and you should not be made to feel uncomfortable feeding your baby - any where. I know this is easier said than done. Just remember how many other women will be on the beach probably sunbathing topless anyway.............you will blend right in!!!
But I would recommend anyone go on a holiday it will do you all the world of good. It must be very hard living with other people. But on the upside on site baby sitters must be very handy. I dont have any sisters only brothers and my mother is very ill. My husbands mother lives in Townsville which is 17 hrs drive away(which believe me is a good thing) and his father lives in Darwin. So we are really on our own except for day care. We have only gone out twice since we have had Caleb, once to a wedding and the other time to a friends party but only for a few hours. Both times my mum and dad baby sat which was great. I am bridesmaid for a friends wedding in Feb and I am already stressing what we will do with Caleb. My husband will have him for the day but I am hoping my brother will be able to look after him with my mum for the actually wedding.

I can relate to having to go out on your own. I have attended 5 weddings on my own and lost count of BBQ's, Xmas parties, dinners and get togethers I have been solo. This is because of work and soccer. I actually envy people who have a "weekend" it would be so great to have a normal life. Let me know how you go on your holiday and have a great time you lucky duck.

Yes, most nights it takes my husband a few hours to wind down from work! My husband actually got Christmas Day off this year too but not Boxing Day, can't have 'em all!! Our husbands are both in jobs you just can't close up over Christmas or any public holidays for that matter! People need care 24/7 and unfortunately there are law breakers out there!! My brother-in-law wants to become a police officer but I doubt he will if his wife has anything to do with it!! I think Police officers don't get enough credit for what they do and what they have to put up with..just like nurses! If you ever want to chat my email is: j_n_blair97@bigpond.com

Hi Janeen,

Forgot to ask....whereabouts in Qld do you live? I'm in Toowoomba

Hi Calebsmum, thanks for the advise it's definatly something to think about. You said you hope we have a big car? Well guess what? I drive a 2 door Hyundai Excel. I'm trying to get a loan so i can by a new car because the excel is just to small to get Josh in and out of. And my back is paying for it.
I couldn't breastfeed either, i had to express for 10 weeks untill i finally got the hang of it. It cost me $200 for the pump hire, but in the end it was worth it. I don't really mind breastfeeding in public but i think it would be uncomfortable for other people.
It is hard living with other people especially Graham's father as i dont really get along with him that well. But on the plus side we don't have to pay rent, so all our money goes away for the house. It is good that we have people near by to babysit. My parents live about 1 minute away and my friends are always wanting to babysit. It's funny you probably want your family close and i want mine on the other side of Australia. Sorry to hear about your mum, I hope she is ok. Maybe you could ask around and see if any of your friends use baby sitters. I will let you know when I go away and how it goes. But i think i might wait until i get my car. I should have one within the month......Hopefully smile

Expressing for 10 weeks you did really well. My sister inlaw actually expressed for 4 months until her little boy caught on, but he has many medical problems. I lasted 6 weeks and that was with cracked bleeding nipples and 3 lots of mastitis. The first lot of antibiotics didnt effect Caleb but also didnt get rid of the mastitis as a few weeks later I got it back again in the same breast just in a different place. I went on another one which really upset Caleb. Then I got mastitis in the other breast so they put me on stronger antibiotic which gave Caleb terrible diarrhoea and made him really unsettled. Then I broke out in one whopping cold sore, followed by another and another and another. I ended up with 10 huge cold sores that were so inflamed I couldnt talk properly, eat or even close my mouth. I looked like someone had punched me in the mouth. Every where I went people just stared at my mouth. It must have looked really good looking like that and carrying a baby!!!??? That was the final straw as I couldnt use cold sore cream whilst breast feeding and Caleb was not coping with antibiotics. I was so depressed and run down then I caught the flu......... that was the end of me breast feeding.
We have a new model bluebird and although they seem ok in size, it is amazing just how much room a baby seat and pram will take up. When we went on holidays the car was so packed you could hardly see out of the windows. Now that I am back at work we are looking at a commodore or magna.
Please let me know how you go, I hope you have a great time.

Hello mum78, sorry I havent been in touch, I just found your email. We live in Shailer Park which is near Springwood, Daisy Hill, Tanah Merah. Not far from Mt Gravatt. I would love to live in Toowoomba. My husband was actually born in Toowoomba. He still has family in Crows Nest his uncle used to own the Retrovision store there. We try to visit every carnival of flowers but missed this year as Caleb was ill. It is just a beautiful place.