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he hasn't told his other kids yet Lock Rss

Hi i really am in need of some advice as what to do about the fact my partner is yet to tell his 16yr old twins and 13 yr old daughter they have a baby brother who is now 12.5 wks old. I don't feel it's my place to tell them. He thinks a card with a few photos will do the trick.
His boys want to stay with us in the holidays and i'm starting to dread it. His daughter also wants to come over at christmas. His daughter uses emotional blackmail on her father to get her own way on a regular basis but i'm more worried about my son and how they will be towards him. My first priority is my baby, not their feelings.
I'm also worried about the way his boys treat my older son, constantly on his case telling him not to do this and not to do that. He doesn't even have to do anything. They also think they have the right to send him to bed just because they don't want him around.
They also won't clean up after themselves. When they last stayed i asked my partner to say something but he didn't. Instead i got angry because he wouln't say anything and i was left to clean up their mess. I get to the point when they visit that my son is with me 24/7 and if i'm going out and my partner is staying home, i will still take both my older two with me as one day i caught one of the boys being phsically aggressive towards my son. My patner acted then but why did it have to get to that stage before he did anything. Sorry this is so long but i'm at a loss as to what to do and any advice could be really helpful.

That is really tricky situation for you Nikki. It is so hard to balance 'old' and 'new' families (couldn't think of better terms). I know with my mums 3rd marriage, the clash of families was just horrific. There was considerble jelousy from the 'old' family which resulted in lots of bullying of us 'new' (younger) kids. It opened up a new realm of emotional black-mail and it seemed that every-one suffered. My only suggestion is to set some fair ground rules for YOUR family/home. Your partner needs to support and enforce these with his 'old' kiddies. By the sounds of it you need to prepare a suitable punishment, especially if there is any aggression. It would be easiest for your partner to be the authoritarian to start with as it seems 'step mums' don't hold much credability with the 'old' kids. You may like to ease into it, making sure your partner supports you. I would agree with you, that baby is most important at this stage. The 'old' kids are old enough to understand right from wrong, where your little one is an innocent victim at this stage. What I hated most of all was any favouratism or inconsistency between the 'old' and the 'new'. I'm not sure if that helps at all, good luck - I really feel bad for you.

DD is 3yr 8 months - DS is 6 months

hi, thanks for the repiles. well his kids have found. Damon is only 4 months old at least it wasn't until xmas time they found out.
the younger twin found out when he came to stay with us. i had to pick him uo from the bus station with damon in the car. i told him that's your baby brother, any questions ask your father.
he then told his mother who then told the other twin who told brett's daughter. they're all asking why weren't they told. older twin sent DH a txt mag asking why wasn't he told, DH didn't reply. We are yet to speak to that son.
His daughter also sent txt msgs and also didn't receive a reply. she rang here the other day wondering if DH's number had change. i told her no and then got stuck with the questions from her and her mother. i also told them that they would have to ask DH why. 45minutes later i got off the phone. she seems to be alright tho and can't wait to come over at xmas time. she said she would've been more excited if she had of known earlier.
the agressive twin wants to stay for a month at xmas time and i'm really dreading it. i'm not given any choice as to whether the kids come stay or not, they just ask and he says yes.
it's not that i don't want them to stay but i really would like some time with MY kids during the school holidays and i would like to have a say in them coming to visit. especially when money is tight and yet he can't insure our cars but can find the money to fly his daughter over from QLD. he works basically 7 days a week and doesn't get home until 7-8 at night. i'm the one who has to entertain them and try to keep everyone happy. i just would like to have been asked!!!

im not going to crap on about my situation as i am in the same boat as some of the other people who have written. i am the first child from both my parents, my dad moved to NZ found a new wife got married moved to sydney and had 2 boys who are 1 year older than my son. I didnt mind so much that he had moved on but i was left out so much because of his wife and her constant "they arent part of this family" even though they werent her exact words it made my sister and i feel HORRIBLE. We have been out of the loop and not seen him very much at all her not even letting him come back to adelaide for a visit. So what ever you do dont stop him from seeing his kids because it will be SO MUCH WORSE for him and you eventually.

On the other hand my mum who found her self a new partner - who he has a son from a previous marrige. they have him over every 2nd weekend, my mum constantly complains about him being messy, and he doesnt even be polite and say things like hello or goodbye. He is rude to my sister (who still lives there) and mums partner wont talk to his son about these issues. when he organises something out of the "normal routine" of having him on a 2nd weekend and maybe having him for a day over an odd weekend, its organised with out her knowing!!! She gets very, very upset constantly with him. They had a fight over this 4weeks ago and still have not spoken to one another!! he is sleeping in another room now!

So - the morral of this (i personally think) if you want to keep your hubby from feeling like he is trapt in the middle. have "family discussions" his previous kids will probably hate you - but if it takes that to get them to listen, EVENTUALLY they should come around.

GOODLUCK and i hope it works out -Kayden 31.1.05 & Tianah 25.8.06

That is hard to add new family members together and especailly when they a older children but I would think that your partner would of told his other children when you were first pregnant to get the kids to use to the idea of having a new brother or sister.

Your partner should tell his kids off when they are doing something wrong and especailly to your son and you couldnt have to clean up their mess cause they are older enough to know better and I think your partner and you have to have a big chat about thing that a going on in the house.

Good luck

Tracey,Jaye (girl)12/06/05, Sam (boy)10/07/09

these children sound awful!!!!

they sound as though they have their dad wrapped round their fingers
As long as you stand up for your kids and your home,you make sure they know that they are guests in your home and that if they want to stay there,thewree will be set rules

Lillie....1 year old!!!

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