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Visitors and Routine......... Lock Rss

Hi, my name is Susan and I am a first time mum. Our little fella is almost 6 months old and I am wondering how often he should be breast-fed. He has no routine at all yet, he wakes at about 6.00am, I breast feed him, he goes back to bed for an hour then is awake again, has custard and a play then I feed him again. He may go down for another hour but is to afraid to miss anything so if I get an hour he is doing well but when he wakes he may only be up for half an hour and is tired again. When he does wake I have tried leaving him to see if he will resettle but there is no chance. I seem to have him at the boob all day and have been told by my mother-in-law that he should have some order to his day by now so of course I am doubting myself that I'm doing something wrong. Should I be only feeding him every 3 hours or so or is it still okay to be doing as I am?I was just wondering if there are any other mums doing the same as me. At 12.00 he has pureed fruit then a play then the boobie again, I try for another sleep with him but like the morn he may only have half an hour, at 5.00 he has pureed vegies then he is usually so tired by now he will be on the boobie till 6.30pm, I know he's not feeding that long and is only wanting it as a comforter, this is a bit tiring for me and "disgusting" so my Mum in Law says, as he's done that since birth I just let him do it but now that he's nearly 6 months he does need to know that boobies are for meals but as he won't and never has had a bar of a dummy I don't know what else to do. As you can guess I've had my Mum in Law here for a holiday for 6 weeks so not only is any sleep pattern I may have had before she arrived all to pot so is my confidence. I'm not into controlled crying at all, is there an easier way?

smile Susan First time Mummy

Hi Susan,
Firstly congratulations on the birth of your son.

I have a 3 yr old + twin boys 6 months old.
My first born sounds like what your son is like, she was so hard she would hardly sleep during the day and seemed like I would feed her every 2 hours just to settle her, but she would sleep well at night.
I had no routine with her at all.
Anyway long story, the clinic nurse said that she was so overtired that she needed to sleep more during the day, sounds easy but as you know you cant just say okay sleep now.
After a period about a week of controlled crying(which I hated ) but only did it lightly we both were able to work each other out, and get into a routine.
she was such a happier baby.
I would put her to sleep straight after her morning feed and found this was her best sleep up to about 2-3 hrs. It did eventually work itself out.

My twins, well they are just so easy, I had them into a routine from day one and they just put themselves off to sleep.
I still feed them every 4 hrs. as one of them is still quite small. They were 2 months early so only really 4 months old.
This is what I do it may not work for you every babe is so different, and you will have to work out what the best routine is for you both. But I'm sure you both work it out.
Mine are not yet on solids though.
My day is
first feed around 6.30 straight back to bed around 7.15 they then sleep to around 9.30-10.00

then feed at 10.30 again back to bed by 11.30 latest. they could sleep to around 1.00ish then they have a bit of a play.
Feed again around 2.30pm again back to bed sleep to abou 4.00pm then can be up till their next feed at
then sleep till around 9-9.30 then they are feed at around 10.30pm
bed time then feed around 2, or 3, or 4 depends when they wake.
I know they say not to put them to bed straight after a feed but this works for me. The more i keep them awake after a feed the more they get cranky.

I dont know if this will help you at all.

I think all babies are here to try us. Some harder than others.
both my boys have a tounge tie too.

Sydney,twin boys 22/10/04+girl 26/03/02

Hi Janelle,
thankyou for the tips, maybe I will just have to get firmer with myself and our little boy. It is so hard because... he sleeps from 6.30-6.00am straigh thru everyone keeps telling me that I should be grateful ( and I am, honestly, he has been doing that since he was two and a half months old so I am very lucky) but because I am home all day every day with him I can tell when he needs a sleep. Having the mother in law for 6 weeks and her going in to him every minute to talk to him and say " poor love, your not tired are you?" then say "he's cheeky Susan, he just keeps smiling at me......well of course he's going to smile if you talk to him, I was pulling my hair out, she has gone now but Cameron is now 6 weeks older and 6 weeks wiser. I guess it will just be a start all over period again and try and get some order with him, it is hard because maybe I will have to do the crying thing and I hate it when he cries. I am going over to Perth to visit my parents in a couple of weeks and maybe my mum can help me, I am one of six so she must of done something right to save her sanity, it is hard not having any family here and then Grannie blows in and says, "it's alright, I'm the Grannie and it's my job, you can sort it out when I go...........", gee, thanx Grannie.
I will try and do a more routine feed thingee as well, I will start that Monday when it is just me and the little fella and try harder with the sleep thing, I know it's for his own good because he doesn't enjoy his time when he's up like he used to. If only they came with little manuals.
Thankyou again Janelle, I am sure I have read quite a few of your helpful posts you have submitted for other mums, just keep your fingers crossed for me

smile Susan First time Mummy

Hi again Susan,
Good luck next week, I am sure you will sort through it, just take it slowly at first not to over stress you both.
It is hard when someone else just comes in and does that, we had to reay put our foot down at the begginning and say dont do this or that, because i thought with two at once i would be shot if They both were unsettled.
Each day just observe his tired signs and try to get him right as he starts, it may help before he gets to over tired. Sometimes with my daughter the more I tried to resettle her the worse she got, so i use to just stand in her room with my back to her and kept saying Shhhhh Shhhh she would eventually nod off, then this would get less and less.

Im sure you will do great

Keep in touch

Sydney,twin boys 22/10/04+girl 26/03/02

Susan - I think your bub is pretty normal for a breastfeeding baby - they're all so different, and there are lots that do what your bub does.

Sorry to criticise your MIL but how dare she call a baby at the breast for comfort, only 6 months old - disgusting! Your baby is doing the most natural and appropriate thing in the world - finding comfort and bonding with mum. Your MIL should be building up you confidence, not shattering it! Go with what you want to do for your baby - you know best for your baby. Look up natural parenting forums if you want info on breastfeeding and settling "attatchment parenting" style.

Tania, NSW - Mum to 4, Number 5 due Feb 07

HI Susan
Just thought you'd like to know my baby will feed for comfort on the breast. I have some of your problems but recently I am getting longer sleeps from him (I don't really know what I've done different). Bradyn wont take an evening sleep/nap so is usually tired after his bath and will feed/comfort suckle till he falls to sleep at about 8pm. He always wanted to feed to sleep during the day but now he has solids I know he has plenty in his stomach and am slowly getting him out of that. Sometimes I need to feed him to sleep if he is really stressed, for comfort. Breastfeeding is such a wonderful thing and can't be described as disgusting! It is natural babies want to be close to their mothers.

Jeninne, WA, Bradyn 24/11/04, #2 Ryan 01/12/06

Hi Susan

You're a stronger woman than me - I couldn't stand having my MIL around for 6 weeks, I'd go insane!!!

I breastfed my son until he was 13 months old and up until he was 6 months old - when he started on solids - he had no real routine either. Although some days he would only feed every 3-4 hours other days he would be feeding constantly all day. He slept through the night from 9 weeks old so I didn't worry too much that he wasn't a good day sleeper. One thing I did do from when he was about 6 weeks old was to give him a sleep routine - I don't mean set times - but I'd do the same things everytime he went to bed so he knew it was time to go to sleep. I learnt a lot of techniques from Karitane (a sleep clinic in NSW). They have a website with heaps of useful info on sleep and settling for babies of different ages, it is:

When you get there click on the 'Survival Tips for Parents' link and you'll find all the info there - they have everything in PDF format so you can print it out.

He probably is a bit overtired as it sounds as though he is just napping through the day. So it may help you both if you are able to get him to sleep a bit longer. I found my son got himself into his own regular routine once he started having regular solid meals. I hope this has helped. Let us know how you go.

Take care
I feel for you with your MIL. They can be veeery trying at times.
Charlotte has a fabulous routine that we worked out when she was six months and she is still sticking to it.

She wakes at 6:45am or so and chats to herself in her cot until I go and get her at 7am. She has her cereal then and half an hour later has her bottle. In your case, a breastfeed. Quiet play.
Nap time at 9am for 1-2 hours.
A bottle at 11am and then lunch at 12pm. We then have some serious playing and laughing and loud time until around 1:30pm, when she starts to get whingey. Nap time at 2pm for 1-2 hours (depending on how long the morning sleep is). A small bottle and snack when she wakes (half a piece of toast/some custard) and some quiet time in the highchair while I get dinner organised.
Vegies at 5:30pm and quiet play until 6:30 when she has dessert (custard or fruit). We watch Home and Away at 7pm, then bath at 7:30 with last bottle at 8pm. She will usually drift off at this bottle....... usually.

This has worked quite well for us for the last six weeks, so maybe give that a go. Some of the other Mums in my mothers group adopted the same routine and it works for them too.

Good luck and remember that MIL's will eventually go HOME! WOO HOO!
Hi susan

I feel angry at your MIL too! How dare she say that!! Non-nutritive sucking is known to be a normal and necessary part of development - so don't pay any attention to that!

As you say you are VERY lucky that he sleeps so well in the night, and I don't have any specific advice to get some kind of routine in the day but I will add some links to this post that may [or may NOT] help.

Also, from 6 - 12 months, even though in most cases solids will have been introduced, breastmilk [or formula in those cases] is supposed to be the main source of nutrition - so always offer milk feeds first then solids ... saying that , sounds like your little one is not having any trouble getting all his milk requirements!! As someone else pointed out, all babies are different and one should be baby-led when it comes to breastfeeds, so I think you are doing just the right thing there.

Click on these links for more info'

<a href="">Sleep problems</a>.

<a href="">ABA controlled crying</a>.

<a href="">wearsthebaby</a>.

<a href="">Attachment Parenting Storknet</a>.

<a href="">Fussy Babies</a>.

<a href="">Position Statement C.C. AAIMHI</a>.

Don't let anyone undermine you here, Susan. Keep going with your instincts - and you and Cameron will be much happier than if you try to conform to someone else's idea of what SHOULD be happening!



I can't offer any advice but I do hope you find a happy solution - and I agree "trust your instincts".

Wow.....thankyou to you all, how much better do I feel just hearing from you all.
Well, today is Monday and I am going to try really hard getting Cameron to have good sleeps, it is only early yet (6.30am) and so far so good. He was up at 5.30am this morn, he's had a big feed and is snuggly back in his bed again so lets see how the day pans out. I am going to check out the sites with help that have also been recommened. I feel ready to give it a good go today, I was to drained last week after having the witch from the west here for sooooooooo long to try anything new but this week I feel afreshed and ready for it. It was a lot harder than I thought having her here, she's been over before and it was fine but I was working 8 hours of the day,so it was very different this time, I guess being home with her 24 - 7 and having bub was a bit tricky, the thing that she had so much input was what frustrated me I suppose and all this coming from a woman who got a nanny for her son (my husband) because she's just not maternal at all and I suppose "coming from the older generation", things that I do just weren't considered in her day.............but have all made me feel great and I AM IN CONTROL more MIL.......well, till April next year when she will be back. She comes from England so I can appreciate that she wants to be here forever and it costs a lot of money to come rah, rah, rah, was the making me feel so out of control and doubt myself that I didn't like, if she had of come over and tried to fit in with my routine with little Cameron it would of been bearable rather that over-ride all my hard work and take over. I should thank my lucky stars that she is over there and visits are few and far between...........I do apologize for going on about her as this forum isn't probably really for expressing how fustrating MIL's are but it has helped me lots being able to chat about it.
Keep your fingers crossed and I'll let you all know how we get on, A BIG THANKYOU AGAIN...

smile Susan First time Mummy

Susan don't worry about venting re MIL. What are "virtual" friends for.

But what a wonder things will be in April next year when she comes back - you and baby won't remember the hard times (well you'll remember but they will be a distant memory) and you might just shock her at how good you both are with everything by then.

I just love it when really medeling (did I spell that right) MIL's get their just desserts - but having said that my MIL isn't too bad.

Keep going Mum - you're doing a great job!
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