I know exactly how you feel. I was pregnant at the same time as my sister in law too. I was 6 weeks ahead of her, and I was always the "bad" one because I had an easy pregnancy and she didn't. She had morning sickness, I didn't. She had pregnancy diabeties, I didn't. She had swollen hands and feet, I didn't and the list goes on. Unfortunately, it was transferred to the kids, but I haven't let it get to me. We both had girls, and they are the best of friends. They are now 8 years old and attend the same school. There are times when my daughter asks me why her cousin gets more things and better things from Nanna (my MIL) than she does, and it is hard for me to answer her because the reason is plainly favourtism. My sister in law is the eldest girl and was very spoilt as a child and now this has passed to her eldest girl also. Don't feel guilty. Let things happen as they will, and deal with them as they happen. Hopefully, your inlaws won't compare your kids. Maybe they will be a different sex, then it is harder to compare them as boys and girls grow at a different rate to each other. Good luck with your baby. I hope you get to meet him/her very soon. Feel free to email me anytime you would like to talk at [email protected] I am also on MSN Messenger. I would love to know when you have your baby. Take care.
Mother of 3, Qld
I to was pregnant at the same time as my sister-in-law we ended up having our babies 4 days apart.
Yes we were constantly compared during pregnancy, and now there always seems to be abit of a competion between our sons to see who does what first, thankfully though we live in different countries me in oz her in NZ.
On a positive note we caught up over Christmas and it was great seeing the 2 cousins together and will be even better as they grow.
Kelly Mum to Connor Brisbane
Victoria ~ 3yr old beautiful twin boys
My sister and i were pregnant with our first together and now we are pregnant with our second together.
With the 1st, it was difficult as they had been trying for 8 years, and we had been trying for 8 months, so i was relieved that she was pregnant and ours was a bit of a surprise! She told our parents when she was six weeks and then i did a test the following week because i was late and found that i was preggers too. We were 8 days apart in our due dates. She ended up being induced 2 weeks early and had a little girl and i went 2 weeks late and had a little boy so the cousins are about a month apart.
This time she took 8 months to fall pregnant and i took 2 months. it was a surprise for both of us. She is due on 10 march 2004 and i am due on the 16 march 2004. 6 days apart this time. they are already talking about inducing her early again so i don't know what the age gap will be this time.
Although it was ok having someone close to talk to about the pregnancy and stuff i can completley relate to the competition factor. she has always been someone who has to have the "better" thing and she is no different with her daughter. I don't know if it was because she was brought on early (for no medical reason, just had to be born first) or not, but her child seems to be physically behind my child with everything but teething. i don't push my son to do anything i believe that when he is ready he will do it, but as my son crawled first, she pushed her daughter to crawl, and then he walked first at 11 months and she couldn't be happy for me at all, she was only concerned that my son had "beaten" her daughter again and how that wasn't right because her daughter is a month older. her daughter didn't waslk until about 15 months, so it was hell. it gets very frustating. we can't visit as she just sits and tells me how she does everything differently with her kid and how her kid is doing this now and doing that. i get really excited for anyones baby when they reach a milestone, but she can't seem to be happy for anyone but herself.
We are actually hoping for opposites this time. i would like to have a girl and she would like to have a boy. so we'll see how that turns out as neither of us have found ou what we are having.
When it comes to grandmas, my parents have divorced recently and our dad doesn't see us or his grandkids as he is an idiot but my mum loves both the kids equally. sometimes i feel a bit guilty because my bro has two kids, both girls too and my mum always says that my son will always be the most special because he is the only boy grandchild so far and will be the eldest boy. he knows how to give people big hugs and kisses and when he ses his granny he always yells out NANA and runs up to get a cuddle. none of the other kids do that. she hasn;t spoilt him or anything because i odn't like that, he just loves his granny but my sister gets offended.
i don't know about it getting any easier, its been more and more difficult the older the kids get and they pregnancies are always compared. Although i have the bad pregnancies and she has the good ones. i tend to get a bit more sympathy from people who have been through it where she exaggerates every little symptom and just gets told, be lucky you don't have it like your sister.lol
This will be my last baby, however she is hoping to have four kids, so hopefully it eases up if they manage to fall pregnant again. I just hope we don't have an "accident" and fall pregnant at the same time again as that would just be too wierd.
Take care all
Kelly,QLD, boy 23.01.03 and girl 08.04.05
My circumstances aren't quite the same, but here is my story for you...
I am 15 1/2 weeks pregnant with my second child and haven't been able to share the news with family yet. It is a long story, but the short version is that my sister-in-law had her first baby in mid January and has hardly aknowledged the baby since it was born or even before it was born! She had a complication-free pregnancy and her labour was just 4 hours for her first born!! She said when the baby was born "Don't bring it near me till it has had a bath" and on top of that has flat out refused to even try to breastfeed. When the baby was 3 weeks old she decided it was time for her to head back to full-time work. My mother-in-law and father-in-law have been very stressed about the whole thing and all the focus is on my sister-in-law. While I care about her, she in general life can be very selfish. Where as I am very conciderate... we didn't share the news of this pregnancy earlier because we didn't want to take the excitment and shine away from the new bub, but sooner or later things have to calm down so that we can tell the family about this precious bub on the way. I've been feeling really sad having to keep it a secret for this long and I also feel worried that this baby wont be happily received. I've been told people don't get as excited when you have your second bub... that doesn't seem fair. So instead of being happy and excited for all these weeks, I've been down. I will finally tell the family the news this week... fingers crossed it all goes well.
You are not alone, some of us don't get a fair go when we are pregnant because of someone else... not much you can do about it though. Focus on yourself and your wonderful bub... I know easier said than done.
Don't let anyone play the comparison game either, let them all know you don't want to hear it! Each baby is different and special in there own way!!! Remember that always and goodluck smile
Congratulations on your news, and good luck for sharing the impending birth with your family - im sure that it will be well received, Im sure they will be excited for you even if it is the second baby. Your SIL sounds like she has no emotional connection to that baby, its a real shame. I cant wait to hold my baby and meet him/her for the first time It wont compare to anything ive ever felt before. Your situation sounds like a tough one too, no doubt your SIL will get her knickers in a twist when the attention comes off her and goes onto you. Watching you throughout your pregnancy and caring for your newborn may spark a few different responses. Unfortunately I cant imagine her being excited by your news, just focus on yourself and growing a healthy and happy baby - unlike your SIL your baby is very lucky to have a mum who cares about it so much - treasure those first few hours of bonding with your baby - im sure they last a lifetime. Take care.
CJ, SJ 3/03, AJ 11/05, PJ 4/08