Pregnant at the same time as another family member?

Im 26 years old and due in 4 days, i love being pregnant but cant wait to meet our little baby when he/she comes. However at times I have been quite depressed throughout the pregnancy, my sister in law was pregnant also and was due on the same day (purely coincidence) I have felt quite pressured at times and am sick of being compared - ie your bigger than she is .... Im worried it will continue with the babies ie shes talking and yours isnt, yours is walking and hers isnt ... Ive had an easy pregnancy the baby has grown well and ive blossomed. My in law had lots of problems and looked terrible - this made me feel guilty and at times overshadowed our pregnancy. id love to hear from anyone who has been in the same situation.

Hi Brooke,
I know exactly how you feel. I was pregnant at the same time as my sister in law too. I was 6 weeks ahead of her, and I was always the "bad" one because I had an easy pregnancy and she didn't. She had morning sickness, I didn't. She had pregnancy diabeties, I didn't. She had swollen hands and feet, I didn't and the list goes on. Unfortunately, it was transferred to the kids, but I haven't let it get to me. We both had girls, and they are the best of friends. They are now 8 years old and attend the same school. There are times when my daughter asks me why her cousin gets more things and better things from Nanna (my MIL) than she does, and it is hard for me to answer her because the reason is plainly favourtism. My sister in law is the eldest girl and was very spoilt as a child and now this has passed to her eldest girl also. Don't feel guilty. Let things happen as they will, and deal with them as they happen. Hopefully, your inlaws won't compare your kids. Maybe they will be a different sex, then it is harder to compare them as boys and girls grow at a different rate to each other. Good luck with your baby. I hope you get to meet him/her very soon. Feel free to email me anytime you would like to talk at [email protected] I am also on MSN Messenger. I would love to know when you have your baby. Take care.
Tracey

Hi Brooke. I was pregnant around the same time as a close friend of ours sister (hope that makes sense) and YES it was a big competition. Lets call her "K" for this post. She would make him ring me and brag about what was going on with her and getting him to get as much info about my pregnancy as possible. Our friends wife told me one day that "K" was obsessed with me and was telling them she just had to have her baby before me???It was all really bazaar to me and I just couldnt understand it. I had my baby a week before her so of cause our births then became a competition. Then a feeding competition, a smiling competition, a crawling competition etc. It just went on and on. In the end I avoided them as I just couldnt be bothered with it all. When our babies were around 5 months our friend organised a get together without telling us "K" would also be there. She was like a stalker and pounced on us as soon as we walked in the door. She was trying to make her baby hold its own bottle and trying to make it walk!!! It was like being at a dog judging show. I have not seen her since and although I hear her name every now and then she seems to have backed off from me. I dont know how you stop it and I can relate to the overshadowing your pregnancy thing as I felt that way too. I hope things dont get so out of control for you. Its good we have this site so we can get things like this off our chest. Its very healthy.

Hi Tracey, thanks for your quick reply - wasnt sure if there would be anyone who was in or had been in the same situation. Its nice to know im not alone - i love this website. Talk to you soon.

Hi Janeen, thanks for your reply to my situation - can relate to the dog judging show - take care.

Hi Brooke
I to was pregnant at the same time as my sister-in-law we ended up having our babies 4 days apart.
Yes we were constantly compared during pregnancy, and now there always seems to be abit of a competion between our sons to see who does what first, thankfully though we live in different countries me in oz her in NZ.
On a positive note we caught up over Christmas and it was great seeing the 2 cousins together and will be even better as they grow.

Its funny how you think you are alone with your feelings, and then you find other mums feeling the same. It is quite refreshing. My situation was that my twins were due at the same time as my nephews baby. Not only was my mum becoming a Nana but she was also becoming a Great Grandmother. The babies were born 3 days apart and they are constantly compared. I acutally resent the constant comparison. I hold my peace for my mums sake, but I do find myself feeling very protective when my family makes comparisons. It may ease over time.

hi all,

My sister and i were pregnant with our first together and now we are pregnant with our second together.

With the 1st, it was difficult as they had been trying for 8 years, and we had been trying for 8 months, so i was relieved that she was pregnant and ours was a bit of a surprise! She told our parents when she was six weeks and then i did a test the following week because i was late and found that i was preggers too. We were 8 days apart in our due dates. She ended up being induced 2 weeks early and had a little girl and i went 2 weeks late and had a little boy so the cousins are about a month apart.

This time she took 8 months to fall pregnant and i took 2 months. it was a surprise for both of us. She is due on 10 march 2004 and i am due on the 16 march 2004. 6 days apart this time. they are already talking about inducing her early again so i don't know what the age gap will be this time.

Although it was ok having someone close to talk to about the pregnancy and stuff i can completley relate to the competition factor. she has always been someone who has to have the "better" thing and she is no different with her daughter. I don't know if it was because she was brought on early (for no medical reason, just had to be born first) or not, but her child seems to be physically behind my child with everything but teething. i don't push my son to do anything i believe that when he is ready he will do it, but as my son crawled first, she pushed her daughter to crawl, and then he walked first at 11 months and she couldn't be happy for me at all, she was only concerned that my son had "beaten" her daughter again and how that wasn't right because her daughter is a month older. her daughter didn't waslk until about 15 months, so it was hell. it gets very frustating. we can't visit as she just sits and tells me how she does everything differently with her kid and how her kid is doing this now and doing that. i get really excited for anyones baby when they reach a milestone, but she can't seem to be happy for anyone but herself.

We are actually hoping for opposites this time. i would like to have a girl and she would like to have a boy. so we'll see how that turns out as neither of us have found ou what we are having.

When it comes to grandmas, my parents have divorced recently and our dad doesn't see us or his grandkids as he is an idiot but my mum loves both the kids equally. sometimes i feel a bit guilty because my bro has two kids, both girls too and my mum always says that my son will always be the most special because he is the only boy grandchild so far and will be the eldest boy. he knows how to give people big hugs and kisses and when he ses his granny he always yells out NANA and runs up to get a cuddle. none of the other kids do that. she hasn;t spoilt him or anything because i odn't like that, he just loves his granny but my sister gets offended.

i don't know about it getting any easier, its been more and more difficult the older the kids get and they pregnancies are always compared. Although i have the bad pregnancies and she has the good ones. i tend to get a bit more sympathy from people who have been through it where she exaggerates every little symptom and just gets told, be lucky you don't have it like your sister.lol

This will be my last baby, however she is hoping to have four kids, so hopefully it eases up if they manage to fall pregnant again. I just hope we don't have an "accident" and fall pregnant at the same time again as that would just be too wierd.

Take care all

a friend of mine was pregnant at the same time as her sister-in-law. her sil had her baby first and pinched my friends name that they had picked out and told everybody!

Hi there,

My circumstances aren't quite the same, but here is my story for you...

I am 15 1/2 weeks pregnant with my second child and haven't been able to share the news with family yet. It is a long story, but the short version is that my sister-in-law had her first baby in mid January and has hardly aknowledged the baby since it was born or even before it was born! She had a complication-free pregnancy and her labour was just 4 hours for her first born!! She said when the baby was born "Don't bring it near me till it has had a bath" and on top of that has flat out refused to even try to breastfeed. When the baby was 3 weeks old she decided it was time for her to head back to full-time work. My mother-in-law and father-in-law have been very stressed about the whole thing and all the focus is on my sister-in-law. While I care about her, she in general life can be very selfish. Where as I am very conciderate... we didn't share the news of this pregnancy earlier because we didn't want to take the excitment and shine away from the new bub, but sooner or later things have to calm down so that we can tell the family about this precious bub on the way. I've been feeling really sad having to keep it a secret for this long and I also feel worried that this baby wont be happily received. I've been told people don't get as excited when you have your second bub... that doesn't seem fair. So instead of being happy and excited for all these weeks, I've been down. I will finally tell the family the news this week... fingers crossed it all goes well.

You are not alone, some of us don't get a fair go when we are pregnant because of someone else... not much you can do about it though. Focus on yourself and your wonderful bub... I know easier said than done.

Don't let anyone play the comparison game either, let them all know you don't want to hear it! Each baby is different and special in there own way!!! Remember that always and goodluck smile

Hi Michelle,

Congratulations on your news, and good luck for sharing the impending birth with your family - im sure that it will be well received, Im sure they will be excited for you even if it is the second baby. Your SIL sounds like she has no emotional connection to that baby, its a real shame. I cant wait to hold my baby and meet him/her for the first time It wont compare to anything ive ever felt before. Your situation sounds like a tough one too, no doubt your SIL will get her knickers in a twist when the attention comes off her and goes onto you. Watching you throughout your pregnancy and caring for your newborn may spark a few different responses. Unfortunately I cant imagine her being excited by your news, just focus on yourself and growing a healthy and happy baby - unlike your SIL your baby is very lucky to have a mum who cares about it so much - treasure those first few hours of bonding with your baby - im sure they last a lifetime. Take care.

Hi Brooke! I'm 23yrs old and have an 11mth old baby boy with a 8mth old cousin. My sister-in-law and I are quite close and there is really no competition between ourselves and our children which is great, although..... I will give you a heads up about the grandparents. My husband and I live approx 6 houses from his parents and around the corner from his brother. Close family huh? Until my little neice came along our little bubba was perfect and got more attention from his Nana than we had anticipated and overwhelmed us all. My Mum-In-Law always wanted a little girl so her when new grandaughter arrived you can imagine what happened...poor little bubba boy! My husband & I both agree that we are not going to let our bubba be belittled by anyone and I am just so protective of his feelings. No one should growup in somebody elses shadow, we're all different and perfect in our own ways. There are really fantastic things about having cousins the same age though especially being such a close family; they'll go to school together and learn the same things. They're already best-friends and it's so fantastic to see them interacting. At the moment the development is a big difference as 3 months when you're a baby is huge, but when you're 5 it's nothing! We were told we couldn't have children so my bubba is more than a blessing and if we can't have any more children then he'll at least have a close cousing to be friends with etc. I also found it great to be able to talk to my sister in law about pregnancy, birth and now about the kids we have been able to help each other and encourage each other through the night feeds and crying times and now we're both running around after our toddlers. There's no real competition anymore with the kids because they can both do the same stuff so I promise and hope that it dies down for you too. I hope that you will see the benefits of having cousins so close and you can all enjoy the families you've created. Goodluck for your birth! Enjoy the new days because, as challenging & hard as they are, you miss them when you've got it easy. Take care! CJ