Girls I need your opinion!!!

Hi Girls,

I need to vent and would love your point of view but will try my hardest to keep it short!

I have an eight year old daughter to my previous partner. It was a really bad relationship and I left him shortly after dd was born. He saw her for a few months after that and then not at all. So it has been about 7 years since he last saw her. He has never attempted contact and doesn't pay child support.
He is now back and wants shared parenting. He was nice enough to supeona me complete with an affidavit full of bull****!
Now this is the BIG issue, he is a convicted sex offender (didn't find that one out until later). I received legal advice and was told that unless you can proove that your child is in danger they still have the right to unsupervised visits.

The thought of this absolutely terrifies me. My dd who is only a few years off being a teenager being alone with a rapist!!! How would it make you girls feel? Am I panicking for no reason? Should rapists and paedophiles have the right to unsupervised care of their children. Its just not sitting well with me at all.

Opinions PLEASE!

Sorry, it was a long rant and if I offended anyone in anyway.
[Edited on 25/10/2007]

There is no way on earth i would let him anywhere near my kids unsepervised. I would fight it all the way in court and protect your kids. It will be hard cause i suppose your child does not know about his past?

That is scary. I would fight it all the way!! Seek other legal advice i think. If he is a convicted rapist there will be records to prove it somewhere. Get hold of those records.

OMG how stuffed is the law. He wouldn't be allowed unsupervised visits with any other child so how is it reasonable that he should be allowed alone with your daughter.

On the other side of the fence...what as he convicted of? I mean if it was stat rape (you know, two youngies with no better sense) I guess its probably ok...but anything else I would say NO WAY NO HELL.

I also don't htink a parent (rapist or not) has the right to rock back into a childs life after so long and demand parenting rights. The only right they should have is to get to know the child slowly on your and your childs terms.

Sorry, i just think it sucks!

DD knows of him, but not the full story. She is too little to know or understand all the details. I have never hidden who her father is from her. Unforutunately, the way the law is, I really don't have a hope in hell keeping him from her. He wants to see her 2 hrs per week for 1mth, then 4hrs for 1mth, then 8hrs for 1 mth and then he wants her for the WHOLE weekend. In the end he is hoping for week on/week off arrangement. The lawyer said there is a possibility of this happening.
How can a neglegant rapist (it wasn't stat rape) father get these type of visitation rights? Why do I have to proove that she would be in danger? Isn't placing a child with a convicted sex offender dangerous enough, or do I have to 'wait' for something to happen? It doesn't make sense!
At the moment I meant to be considering what arrangement we would be willing to offer...

Any chance of stipulating the visits must be supervised? But some other relative (does he have family?)
Man i feel for you, it must be so tough.

On the week on week off, isnt that really disruptive to a kid?

I'm going to ask for the visits to be supervised by a member of my family (obviously not me or my partner)in a public place like McDonalds so hopefully dd won't be too uncomfortable. But he can say no to the supervision if he feels 'threatened'. You teach your kids not to go off with strangers and then have to force them to.

What scares me the most though is that if I don't get a magistrate to order that I am the primary carer and she is to reside with me he can just not return her to me because he is the father and there is nothing I can do apart from take him to court. Or so I have been told by the lawyer. I feel like just grabbing her and running away, as far as I can.

Yep, the week on/week off is disruptive I completely agree with you on that one.

I feel like crying but dd is watching tv with dp in the next room... Its hard to act strong, like your not worried when you feel the opposite.

if this was me i would do what ever it takes to keep this man away from my daughter.


I Would hire the BEST lawyer in town, if it meant i would have to sell my car or whatever, i would do it.
this man could potentially ruin your daughters life, i can not believe that they would allow unsupervised visits to this man.

i would be digging up as much info as possible on this man, hire a private detective or something to try and bring up something else against him.

oh, i wish you all the best.

If I was in your situation I would do everything in my power to keep this man away from my daughter.

Can you get a second opinion from another lawyer? I can't believe that someone with those kind of convictions would be allowed unsupervised visits. Fight it to the end your daughter needs you as her voice. My heart goes out to you and I wish you all the best ...

I have made an appointment with the womens legal services on the 7th of November. They can refer you to lawyers who specialise in particluar areas (fingers crossed). All I can do is state that I won't even consider the idea of him having unsupervised visits and dd being or staying overnight at his house. I don't know if I have any hope in keeping her from him entirely... What if the court does grant unsupervised visits? What am I going to do then? How do I protect her if the law doesn't? I am honestly just terrified...

I have to tell the truth you are in for the fight of your life.
You still have reason to keep her from him and get the records you can get them supenered(sp). You might beable to make him get a working with children card to prove that he can reasonably have access to your daughter but if he hasnt had anything to do with her before then why should he have anything to with her now.

Dont let him see her untill you have to by court orders.
As the others said you need a bastard lawer. and you need to pay for it. Leagl aid pays a fixed amount and some lawers don't do the work required. Also get a family reprt done you sould be ok if he asnt had any thing to do with her.

What he has put forward as in contact times are reasonable in the courts eyes but you can extend the period of adjustment.

All your daughter knows is you and your care that is what you have to push and that effectively he is a stranger even if he is the father. The other thing is you can get his records and I wouldnt put that off.

You poor thing what a bl@@dy nightmare......

Seek more legal advice.....

You would think the fact that he is convicted sex offender would be enough to say she would be in danger......

Good luck and fight to the death on this one.....