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friend with little boy that hits, pinches and pulls hair Lock Rss

Hello everyone

one of my friends from mothers group has a little boy who everytime we see them hits my little boy or another child from mums group or pinches or pulls their hair

most of the time it is over a toy he wants and as soon as he has it he doesn't want it anymore and only wants it again when one of the other children have got it! I know its normal for children to go through the hitting stage but this has been going on for a few months

and as much as i enjoy my friends company having them over means my little boy is exposed to this behaviour which doesn't seem to be getting any better

my friend has been told her little boy has a development delay and i found out the other day a paed told her he could have celebral palsy which she hasn't done anything about as far as having him tested

he just seems like a really frustrated little boy like he wants to communicate but can't he says a few words like that for cat but not many

i just feel like i don't want my little boy to spend much time with this little boy is that horrible of me to think that way?


bye


melly

melissa, vic, Patrick 2.5 & Laura 15 months

Hi melis, I dont think you are horrible at all. As a mum you want to protect your child and would never just put him in a room to be picked on. It is certainly a really yucky situation to be in. I remember my oldest son being bitten at day care and I am not talking about once or twice. I was so angry and felt like I was letting my son down by not protecting him and dropping him off to day care to be bitten again. I was so worried he would start to bite but thankfully he only bit me once on the thumb. He was playing as he had a smile on his face but as I screamed (it really hurt and I was shocked) it saw that it was not funny and then started to cry. He never did it again.

Its hard when kids are going through that stage however as you know you have to teach them their behaviour is not acceptable (as the super nanny says..LOL). I would not be letting him have any toy when he starts to behave like that. I would be telling him that he needs to learn to share and play nicely with his friends. I would be taking him away from the child he is attacking and giving him time out and if this doesnt work then I would take my child home.

I dont know a lot about Cerebral Palsy (my newphew has it) but think it shouldnt matter if the child has this or not violence is never acceptable behaviour and if it is not controlled now then as he gets older they will really have their hands full.Cerebral palsy may explain a delay in development but does not excuse hitting other children.

It is certainly hard to bring up this matter with anyone however if you dont think she is a person who would accept how you feel then I would try to show her. I would say something to the child like "Hey that is not how we should treat our friends" or "It is not very nice to be hitting or pulling hair". I would even make him apologise. The child has to be guided in life as to how we should act in social circumstances. Hopefully she will take your lead and try to get the situation under control. If this does work then I would only met up with other mums and not at my house and if she was not prepared to do anything then I would take my child and leave. Maybe then she will get the message she needs to do something about it.

I would also be concerned how serious these attacks could become. They are getting bigger and stronger and someone may get really hurt. His next move may be to pick up a chair and throw it at someone or even start biting. Just remember its not the childs fault as he obviously doesnt know any better.

Good luck.. smile
Im having the same situation with a friend of mine who has a boy 5 months younger than my boy. We visited yesterday and he kept trying to push my boy and I kept intervening but left it up to the mother to do the stern disiplinary actions. Well she barely scratched the surface and just said "nice, nice" as a token thing. But didnt seemed bothered. Then he hit my son with a video tape on the shoulder and my son bawled his eyes out. She then smacked his bum but it was all a bit late now. He then tried to push him again after that. And I said "Hey Hey dont push"
Next time I see her it will be in a play centre. On neutral territory. I want to know how are our kids meant to defend themselves?

JZ mum to Bradley 17/08/03 and Heidi 25/02/06

I have a 5 1/2 month old girl, so I'm not up to that stage yet but I did see something on Dr phil!! When the child bites pinches etc straight away tell them not to do that then give your attention to the other child. This then makes the little boy realise its not the way to get attention or toys. I'm not sure if it works but i guess it's worth a try. Have fun!!!
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