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I'm so miserable! Lock Rss

I've been thinking about leaving my DF. But I don't know if that's what I actually want. I'm really confused. We've just been arguing so much lately and I can't talk to him. Everytime I try he gets really defensive and starts blaming all our problems on me and says I'm being irrational. Or he'll start saying how he's such a failure and he's such a loser and make me feel bad and I end up trying to make him feel better.

Things haven't been right for a while and he rather hasn't noticed or is ignoring it. And like I said, according to him it's all my fault. He thinks I'm just being lazy and I want him to work then come home and clean all night and he said last night that it's stupid of me to leave because of house work (I never said that!) but then he said he left his last partner because she wouldn't keep the house clean. Although this was all in the middle of a fight.

I keep thinking I can just go back out to my mum's. But what if I decide not to come back? I don't want to be a single mum! I don't want my baby to come from a broken home. I don't want her to leave on the weekends to see her dad. I think I still love my DF but I'm sick of arguing like this. We're horrible to each other when we fight.

I really feel for you. Not being in your shoes I would say, please, please go and get some couples counselling before the resentments build up and it all becomes irretrievable... maybe an impartial mediator can help you out before the love goes too. At the very least you'll know you tried. Best wishes, hope you can sort things out.
Posted by: one-bubba
I've been thinking about leaving my DF. But I don't know if that's what I actually want. I'm really confused. We've just been arguing so much lately and I can't talk to him. Everytime I try he gets really defensive and starts blaming all our problems on me and says I'm being irrational. Or he'll start saying how he's such a failure and he's such a loser and make me feel bad and I end up trying to make him feel better.

Things haven't been right for a while and he rather hasn't noticed or is ignoring it. And like I said, according to him it's all my fault. He thinks I'm just being lazy and I want him to work then come home and clean all night and he said last night that it's stupid of me to leave because of house work (I never said that!) but then he said he left his last partner because she wouldn't keep the house clean. Although this was all in the middle of a fight.

I keep thinking I can just go back out to my mum's. But what if I decide not to come back? I don't want to be a single mum! I don't want my baby to come from a broken home. I don't want her to leave on the weekends to see her dad. I think I still love my DF but I'm sick of arguing like this. We're horrible to each other when we fight.


you just totally explained my life right down to the i want to go to my mum's and not come back!!!

I totally understand everything you just said im actually sitting here crying!!

Sarah

xxx
Hi Sarah, sorry to hear things are bad for you too!

I told my DF this morning that things are shi!t and does he not even care? I want to work things out, like I said, I don't want to be a single mum and I do still love him. It's just hard. You can only argue the same points for so long.

one-bubba i no exactly how you feel, i am in the exact same situation, tho i have two kids and leaving is as scary as hell and i still love DF but am scared off making the wrong decision! God Luck with it all, i hope things work for you!
I went through this too and that's how i found this site! LOL!

I guess the advice i would give to you is not to give up yet... things often get really bad before people step back and realise they don't want to loose each other.

I think that's what happened with my partner and i... we had stopped talking except for arguments and we'd dodge each other! Finally we just snapped and after that we managed to talk a bit... we also decided to send an email to each other about EVERYTHING wrong and how we really felt about each other. It was a very good thing for us to do and things are great right now. I can't garauntee it will be like this forever but at least for the moment our home is happy.

If you are having doubts about leaving your partner then you must still love him. It sounds to me that he may have self esteem issues and even though it's taxing on your emotions and energy maybe you could ask him if there's something you can do for him that will help him feel better about himself.

Also, I think counselling is a good idea for some people... but make sure if you decide to do that, that you suss out the councellor first. Alot will just end up telling you to stop torturing yourself and leave... but that's not always the best option.

Good Luck and I hope i haven't crapped on for too long!

smile J
It must be something in the air lately!

All i can suggest (and i've got to learn to take my own advice) is BOTH of you need to speak to someone like a relationship counsellor.

My partner and I are expecting our first and he never wanted kids. Given the due date is fast arriving things are coming to a head with us and we have realised we have never really sat down and talk things through or about our lives heading forward. Having a baby changes your lives and no doubt the pressure of living on one wage, change of personal lives and the pure fact of having a completely dependant person is guaranteed to raise the stress levels.

You might find that the arguments you are having are about totally non related problems. The things you are arguing about might just be the straw that is breaking the camels back so to speak.

If the love is still there then work on it. If you are only thinking of sticking around for your childs sake or because you are scared of going out on your own then this can backfire big time.

Just my 2 cents! Though like i said, time i take my own advice!!
Kel

Firstly I'm so sorry to hear that you are feeling so sad and down about your relationship gasp( ((( big hugs)))

Like pp have suggested relationship counselling could be so helpful here. Sometimes we get so caught up in what is going on for ourselves that we find it hard to think rationally about how someone else might be feeling or thinking. Having a third and neutral person present in discussions can be great. They can observe and present your ideas to your partner in a way that is un-biased and vice versa. In a way its like looking outside the square - and even if it doesn't work out you know you have at least tried your best to keep your family together. PM me if you want to chat? I'm a single mum and have been exactly where you are right now, unfortunately my ex dp wasn't worth the effort. But I'm happy now, new man, studying - things do get better. What ever happens you will be ok gasp)

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