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DP vs. DAD (Stepdad) Lock Rss

Ok I have to give you some background info before you will really understand.

My Dad (stepdad) hasnt always been the nicest guy. He has done many quite unforgiveable things, but has since had a wakeup call, with him and my Mum breaking up (after nearly 10yrs together) and a few major health scares and continuing problems. He has no biological kids of his own, only me and my younger brothers.
My DP is usually a really easygoing guy, gives everyone a chance type of person.

When DP and Dad first met, DP tried to make a good impression and make conversation with Dad, while Dad was sitting back having a few beers. I wont make excuses for him, as Dad was quite rude and barely said anything back. I got really angry and upset with him, and stopped talking to Dad. Then Dad started trying to stop me from going to stay at DPs and spending anytime with him. My Dad was at the time, a big, built guy and can be quite scary at times. I told DP what had been happening and from then on, he has had a solid dislike of Dad.

But since Dad has had the wake up call, he has really changed. He rarely drinks anymore (he wasnt an alcoholic or anything). He is so much nicer to me and my brothers. He has realised that since Mum has broken up with him, he was an **** and has done his best to make good with everyone. Especially DP. But DP just turns his nose up at him. Dad has gone out and splurged on bub (due November) and has bought so much stuff, as its going to be his first grandchild in all my familys eyes, except DP.

We are living 900kms north of Perth now, and the other night, I asked DP if he minded if Dad came to stay for a week or so, when the house was more setup. We had a HUGE arguement about it and didnt talk for nearly 2days. We have DPs mother, stepdad and lil brother coming to stay a few weeks after bubs born, over Xmas, so why cant I have the man I consider my Dad come to stay? I just dont think its fair. I really miss seeing my Dad and spending time with him, but DP cant see that. Im scared this is gonna tear us apart.

Does anyone have any advice? It would be really appreciated.

Kels
[Edited on 25/09/2008]

I wish i had some good advice for you!

I'm not talking to my dad anymore and i don't want my feelings to allow me to give you the wrong advice!

so... i guess i really just wanted to say good luck. I hope everything gets sorted out and maybe you could let your dad now how dp feels and get him to call dp and appologise for past incidents???

smile J
Thanks for the luck Jane44! I think Im gonna need it. I have already thought of asking Dad to ring DP, but DP wouldnt just hang up or something stupid like that. DP really has his head stuck in the sand when it comes to my Dad. Usually DP will give most people a 2nd chance, but not this time. Its really hard coz I feel torn.

I think your father has made a very very bad impression with your DP and your DP probably doesn't trust this "change". It takes a lot of time to change your opinion of someone especially if the one you currently have has been built over a long period of time.

The only way this is going to get sorted out is if your DP can learn to trust your father and for that to happen your father needs to earn his respect.

I'm not sure how that is going to happen but I hope it works out for you.
I know Dad has made a bad impression on DP, and even I was very skeptical about the supposed "change" he had made (as my Mum had first told me about it a little while after they broke up, when they started talking again). But after spending time with Dad one on one, and talking to him about DP, I know this is a true change. I cant explain how, I just know. I just need DP to just talk to Dad, as Dad wants to explain why he was the way he was. Ive tried explaining this to DP but he kinda "fobbs" it off. Im at a loss either way. I dont wanna lose DP but I dont wanna lose my Dad. Im really stuck.

Has you dad apologised to your dp for the way he acted? Maybe if your dp won't talk to him he could write a letter to your dp?
The thing is the man is your dad and will be your baby's grandfather whether your dp likes it or not. I can understand how he feels but he needs to realise that your dad is making an effort and at least give him another chance for your and your baby's sake.

Kel65 - Thats what Ive tried to tell DP. All Dad wants to do is make things right with DP, especially before bub is born. Im just finding it hard to get DP to see that Dad is making an effort to make things right. He completely ignores me when I talk about Dad at all, which then causes a fight. So I feel like Im at a point where I have to choose - my DP or my Dad. I dont wanna lose either though.

Hiya,

First just wanted to say it must be really hard being in your situation kind of in the middle of things. It must be confusing and frustrating. Perhaps it might help to think about how your DP must feel about your Dad, the fact that he has upset the woman he loves, the mother of his child would be quite hard to be friendly towards that person... Its goin to take some convincing on your dads part to win him over again, and that will take time. Guys take longer to accept things and forgive I think ...

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