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An affair from a different perspective... Lock Rss

There was one post in here in regards to what to do after a relationship has broken up after an affair. I guess I just wanted to share my story considering I have never told anyone about my experience because I don't want people to look at me or my husband in a different way especially when we have decided to give things another shot.
The day before my birthday three years ago my husband admits to having a one night stand when he went on an away game for football. Well I was hurt, humiliated and dumbfounded. I thought I knew my husband and never ever felt I could not trust him...
I found out that he had done what he did just a week after bringing our premmie daughter home from hospital.
I was devastated but he had another blow for me and it was that he had contracted a STI from this other person which meant I most likely had it too. Not only was I now devastated and crushed but I also felt DIRTY!!!! He said he used a condom but well I beg to differ... Was he thinking about us at all, a new family at home???
Anyway he stayed at the house but we slept in different rooms. We put up a front for family but behind closed doors we were a mess. After a while we sat and talked and decided to give our relationship another try.
It was hard and really draining journey but we have made it to the other end and we are happy.
I never bring it back up in a fight becuase I chose to stay in this relationship. I would be lying if I said I never thought about it from time to time and feel the pain of this betrayal.
I hope this gives you a glimpse from a different perspective..
You are a stronger woman than I, I do not think i could take my husband back after something like that.

I'm sure it will take you and your husband along time to be pass this I wish you luck.

Rylee 2 big brother to Tyler mummy angel boys

Hi Lilysmama,

WOW what a strong lady you must be.

I too am unsure if i would be able to take my husband back after something like that but i too haven't been in the situation so i really can't honestly comment.

You obviously have no regrets about giving it another go and thats great. More importantly how are you feeling about yourself as you said you felt hurt and humilitated at the time?

I wish you all the luck in the world and have to commend you on your strength.


hi lilysmama
i sat for a very long time thinking of what to say ,i give you credit for staying with him but dont stay for the wrong must think long and hard ,do you love him ,r u in love with him.dont stay because of children ,sometime they are not better off,and nor are you.i on the other hand know for a fact that even if i still loved him would not be able to help myself but to throw it back in his face all the time,every time we argued but thats just me.good luck and know that none of this is your fault.they say men have affairs for the sex only where as woman do it for the emotion side of it.if that helps any.

chris wa 1yr, 2yrs 14 yr

Hi there you are very brave for sharing your story. My partner had an affair which resulted in her having his child i was heartbroken as i completely trusted him and never thought he would do something like that. I was hurt and humiliated as well especially when i found out everyone knew about it before i. I had my suspicions but no one would tell me the truth. In the end we ended up separting for about eight months in that time we stayed close and ended up dating and getting back together. we now have a four month old baby daugher our 2nd. It was a very hard and draining time. My mum thinks i'm mad but understands its what i want. I don't think i will ever completely trust him and he understands that. If it ever did happen again that would be it. I love him but i could not forgive a second time. We always talk to each other know when something is bothering us. So we don't end up in huge fights. I think i will always think about what happen but as time goes on its less and less and when the day comes he wants to have contact with the child i will support him all the way as this child is innocent and did not do anything wrong and should not have to suffer because of someone elses mistake. If you ever need to talk i know how you feel.
Congratulations on keeping it going. I know that you have thought this through, and in the end one STUPID mistake should not void all the love that you feel. You seem to have been able to get over the hurt and have worked out how to argue better.

I don't think that my husband has had an affair, but I like to think that all the years that we have put in amount to more than any affair/one night stand/mistake. As we say, we are better together and happier than alone.

All relationships go through rough patches, whether a partner strays or not; it may be that you just don't connect. My husband and I went through a stage like that when our premmie DS born. He just did not know how to support me the way i needed. He didn't know that i felt that he had abandoned me and our son.

So know that out there people are also going through the same type of estrangement, and not all relationships feel the need to tell everyone their details.

You are one strong and powerful woman to handle all of the stuff you have been through. What a lucky husband you have smile

Caroline- Alexander 8m, prem

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