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what to do? Lock Rss

Hi all, i have a bit of a problem. My parents and my partner's parents do not get along, they absolutely hate each other and quite honestly its driving me and my dh apart..anyway thats not the problem..i so badly want to get my ds baptised..we have wanted a christening for him since he was born (he is 7 mnths) but its just so hard when both families fight constantly. I dont know what to do! We cant invite both sides as we dont have family gatherings with both sides anymore..they need to learn to deal with it..for an example, ds first birthday in 5 months and neither families will get a bday party on his actual bday, just a simple one before his bday! anyway now im babbling, i was just wondering if churches do private christenings? it seems like such a shame as i imagine christenings to be a big beautiful family gathering, but we miss out on that, and many more things like that..
[Edited on 29/05/2009]
Have you tried telling them to get over it for their grandson's sake?
I know with chinese they like to 'keep face' and no matter how bad something is you still have to act like there isn't anything wrong. A pain sometimes but it works really well sometimes!

Sorry I don't know anything about christening services etc, I am not religious at all. But as far as I know it really is up to you who you invite. I guess the most important thing would be to have your DS godparents if you have someone.

Hey,
While I can't offer any advice I just wanted to say I hope it all works out well. It should all be about your little boy not arguements.
It a shame, while both families are missing out, they may not realise, he is also missing out.
Goodluck with it all

I would tell them to quick their petty cr@p and have the big thing with both sides and tell them the moment they start up they will be kicked out and will not get to see this beautiful moment

remind them that being a grandparent is a privlege and NOT a right and you have the right to remove unstable people from your childs life and will that include them if they decide that family squabbles mean more then your child.


(sorry if that sounds harsh but i have been in a similar scenario and doing that helped)
hey yeah thanks, its just hard as we dont want anyone to miss out and its my in-laws who started it and continues to carry it so my parents say to just invite my side of the family but then my husband misses out on having his family there, so its very difficult..we have been putting it off for a while and i finally figured that i shouldnt haveto put off my own son's christening just because they are all being petty! Me and dh have spoke to everyone, but nothing seems to help, i dont think they will ever ever get along, but they dont see that in the end they arent hurting each other, they are hurting me, dh and the baby.
Tell them to grow up! Organise the christening and send out the invites, remember friends are just as important as family is especially the godparents we are extremely close to our godkids. Whoever shows up you know that they are there for your child and can put aside their own stupid pettiness. I wouldn't continue doing own celebrations for the different families if you keep that up then it only adds to the situation and doesn't force them to make up. Maybe ask your family to be the bigger people if your inlaws won't.

We will be doing all our family things on my parents side of auckland including our wedding, baby shower etc and if his family can't make the effor then yes I will feel for dp and baby but thats what I want to do as I am sick of being the ones to make the sacrifices for his family and having to be the ones to travel for them.
Aargh! How frustrating for you!
We went through something similar recently. IL's are seperated, have been for almost 10 years, yet MIL didn't want to come to DDs 2nd birthday if he's there... SIL didn't want to come because she was mad at MIL for this exact reason... blah blah blah.

OP - It is ridiculous that they can't look over there petty issues with each other. Quit the multiple celebrations, as a PP said, as it's not about them, you don't need to cater for them. It is for your child and celebrating with them. Nobody is asking them to be best friends with each other, just come and make the day special for your little one.
I agree with what a PP said... Plan the christening, it is obviously important to you, invite everyone, and whoever turns up, turns up. Don't stress about it. I know it sucks because you would love everyone there, no doubt, but at the end of the day, if they can't see past their problems with each other, they miss out. Cutting off their nose to spite their face.

Out of interest- MIL and SIL did come to DD's party in the end... when they saw that we were upset by their actions but weren't going to strike certain ppl off the guest list.
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