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don't know what to do Lock Rss

Ok so i was up with the kids all night last night. Scott got up with the kids this morning. As I walked out of the room 1/2 hour latter he yells out that he wants a divorce and he is sick if this F***ing S**t. WE have sort of talked it through this morning. HE said he was saying it to Noah because noah wiped poo over the walls this morning then spilt his breakfast. He then said he was banking on me hearing it because it's not fair he has to get up to the kids. He has also said he did not mean it, he was just stressed.

I feel hurt. The fact that he used the word divorce. It not just a word you throw around when you are stressed. I hate the fact that he was saying it to Noah because he is only a little boy and should not have to hear words like that. It's not his fault that Scott was feeling stressed (well that is his excuse) I also feel angry that he wanted me to hear it so I would be hurt because it was not fair that he had to get up to the kids.

I don't know what to do. One part of me wants to pack up and get away with the kids for a few days but I love him and don't want to be without him. He did say he did not mean it. I don't want to put the kids under the stress I don't want to be under the stress.

I feel like he has torn me apart. I feel sad lost scared angry. Just don't really know how to feel or what to do.

I don't think that anyone would say they want a divorce because of the stress of kids. That does not seam right to me. I feel like I am dying inside. I am not even sure if I will be here when he gets home.

Hi Murph.

I think you're over reacting.

That probably doesn't help much... But saying you want to pack your bags and leave for awhile is a far,far worse comment to make! Than to yell, half as a joke, that you want a divorce. ( especially it it's to a little boy )
Depending on context that is quite a funny thing to say... something I would do : ).

I think you're reading way, waaaay too much into a nothing thing.

If however if it's an ongoing comment and he keeps asking for a divorce then there's something to worry about. Otherwise I would let it slide this time.

Rocks weather

I can see what Rockies is saying... depending on the context and how he actually said it. It might be funny if said to a pet or something, rather than a kid.

The language that he used suggests that it was not intended as a joke, but was said out of anger... and I don't actually think it's an acceptable thing to say to a kid at all. I do agree that the word 'divorce' is not one that children should have to hear. I think those things can affect their sense of security, especially once they are a bit older and learn what it means when parents get divorced. Aside from saying it in the presence of kids, I actually don't think married couples should use the word at all. It's just not a funny joke, talking about divorce with your spouse - it's very hurtful, and if you joke about those things it has a way of taking on a much more serious meaning.

I would be very upset if DH said something like that to me, or in earshot of me - and he sure would be hearing about it. I would not talk about leaving, or taking the kids elsewhere for a while - I might see if someone else could look after them for a bit while DH and I discuss the argument. I don't agree with Rockies that what you said is worse than the divorce thing, but I don't think it's constructive either and to leave, even temporarily, over a comment - albeit a very hurtful one - probably sends out a very strong message and isn't really congusive to solving the problem.

I would raise the issue with him and make sure you find out exactly where you stand, and exactly what he meant by it. I would make sure he knows exactly how it made you feel, so that next time he wants to vent his frustrations he can do it with a little more sensitivity and hopefully a bit of self-control. If he apologises and you are satisfied that divorce is not really on his mind, then you should let it go... but, as Rockies said, if it keeps coming up then you might begin to worry and should seek some help if you want to work on the marriage. He needs to know that it's not a funny joke to you, and if he uses that word you take it seriously - I would make that abundantly clear, so that if he does use it again, you know he's doing it fully aware of what he's actually saying to you and what you're actually hearing. No mistaken meanings.
[Edited on 14/08/2009]
I did not tell him I wanted to leave. It just went through my head. I know it was an over reaction that is why I am still here. I told him I love him and I did not see any of that comming.

What I say in my head is different to what I say out liud or even do.

I guess this is half my fault. I should have been up with the kids. He works all day so he should not have to get up for them. I guess it was me being lazy.

It's not a big ask, that he gets up with the kids every once in a while. Espeicially when you are up with them during the night, I don't think you're lazy at all for wanting the odd sleep-in. He needs his down-time and it's not fair to ask him to get up with them on all his days off, but every now and then I don't think it's unreasonable at all.
Big hugs to you! Hope you are feeling better - men just don't think sometimes about what they say and what the emotional impact can really be.
Can I ask, how old your boys are? Maybe sounds like you both need a bit of a break - is there any family that can help you guys out? Maybe you both need some time, to do something together, or just go out and get some space with a friend.
All the best!
Hi,

Don't even say its partly your fault cause you should have been up with the kids or you were being lazy. Yes I understand he works but I am pretty sure you don't sit around on your butt all day either. Your job is hard too and you do deserve a bit of a rest too specially if you have been up half the night with the kids. As one of the other ladies said, there is nothing wrong with your husband getting up to them every now and then. It is probably a good thing, then they may appreciate the hard work you do all day every day with the kids.

Take care.
Jo

I agree with the majority what he said wasn't very appropriate in front of any child. I think that we should all swap roles for a day or two....so he stays at home with the kids and your go to work. I think it would be a fun experiment to be in your partners shoes for a day to be more appreciative of the contributions that both people make. not saying that your not appreciative or anyone else i just think that it would be fun
Ok, i will probably get my head bitten off but i have to ask:

who in their right mind would mention getting a divorce as a joke let saying it to a small child because dad is stressed?? WTF That is just sick.

And what a poor bugger having to get up to HIS children in the morning whilst you possibly had a slight sleep in after being up with them most of the night. Ofcourse being a parent isnt really that hard!!!

So is he saying - it is your job to get up with them every morning and stay up with them at night. I thought being a parent(in 2 parent household) was a shared responsibility not just for 1 parent. (I was a single parent for 8 years, so understand doing it on your own)

I am sick of egocentric men who believe because they work the wife can raise the kids and they dont have to do anything. Some men need a wake up call - TAKES 2 PEOPLE TO CREATE A CHILD.

Sorry, but when I saw your post it made me angry - even my partner is shaking in his boots lol.

<a href="">http://s20.photobucket.com/albums/b243/go

I have screamed obcenities at my DH and him at me.
I have actually gotten that fed up that I have started packing a bag in front of him because all I wanted was a break.
It's not easy having children and they can really test our patience. Sometimes you do say things that you don't mean just to get some attention.
Having said all of that I don't condone what he said but really what is said in sheer frustration and true fact are completely different things you need to let him know that it hurt you and that you don't like him throwing those terms about loosely.

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