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Changed in-law relationship Lock Rss

I'd like to hear from others who found that after having a bub the relationship with the in-laws changed, and not for the better. I feel like I'm no longer useful as a person now I've "served my duty" to provide the wanted grandkids! In-laws recently got their nose out of joint because my parents would be finish their visit with us the same day the in-laws were arriving to see us. They wanted the kids to themselves, and decided not to visit after all in protest (we see the grandparents maybe 4 times a year each).

Who am I to deny one set of grandparents the right to see the kids over the other set? I'm left to feel that if the kids aren't completely available to them then we are not worth visiting! Had a great relationship with the in-laws prior to this so this change in attitude is quite upsetting.

Any similar experiences?

Deb, 6yr girl, 3yr boy + 9month girl

Hi Deb - you are up late too - enjoying a bit of 'me' time!
I don't have that problem, however I know my FIL is going to visit in the next month and my parents also want to come, but I don't want it to be at the same time as my folks have little in common with FIL and I think my dad would tell him to grow up and act his age - he is 64 and is very me me me lately (going thru 3rd divorce, 4th marriage, hubby's mum died when he was little).
So I have the problem of trying to make sure that they dont come at the same time without letting them know that!
Maybe your hubby could have a quiet word with them and make them realise how you are feeling - but diplomatically - like- Mum, has Deb said something to upset you as I have noticed you seem a little 'off' on her lately".
Good Luck!

DD1 July 2004 DD2 August 2007 DS September 2009

Post deleted by administrator.

Hi Deb, I couldn't agree more with the change in relationship since my DS was born. My in-laws are from a different culture and lives overseas. Before DS was born, they ony ever came to au once a year and stay for a week at most. In return, we will visit their country once a year as well. BUT, since DS was born, they came every 2 months and stay for at least a month everytime!!!

It's a total nightmare for me, even until now. I didn't know there can be such a HUGE difference between our two culture cause hubby said that that's the way it works in their country. I wonder does anyone have the same experience as me.


............................
Selina; Raymond 3yr, Ryan 4months

Selina; Raymond 1/2/03, Ryan 28/12/05

Hi there

Firstly, I had a great relationship with my in-laws up until the day William was born. They were slightly interested in my pregnancy but when Will arrived, all hell broke loose. When they arrived at the hospital, there was no hello for me or their own son, but went straight to Will's cot and picked him up. Anyways ............

Things only got worse from there. Will was born by cs 1 week prior to Xmas and on Xmas day, we have now discovered that due to the in laws and wider family, my husband and I don't have a photo of us three on his first Christmas (I'm very very upset about this). They were constantly holding him all day and the only time I saw him was to breastfeed.

When I go to do something for Will or feed him when they are around and they are holding him or not holding him, the mother in law actually says to me "oh no, it's Alice's* turn to feed the baby". As you can imagine, we just love being told who can and can't feed our child.

It's a lot of little things that they say or do that get us really upset. I feel very mean if I stand up for myself or for William. My husband also gets upset but won't say anything or when he does say something, they don't listen or don't agree with him. I understand that being a Grandparent is an exciting time, but when they are around I don't feel like they respect our wishes for our child and how we want to parent him. My husbands sister "Alice"* is only 16 and I feel that they should pay as a little respect as William's parents and listen to what we want as we have never questioned or gone against their decisions which they have made for "Alice".

I don't know if I'm being paranoid or "sensitive" but I do know that not once has anyone beside my husband and the nurse said I'm/we're doing a great job with William.

Thanks for letting my vent!!

Amanda, Qld

Mother in law AAARRRGGGHHH!! Since the birth of our first child in 03 things definately changed with her.She is a very controlling woman.My parents and my in laws all live within 10mins of our home.My Mum would always call before visiting because she said that I was busy enough with our new bub to have people just popping in.Finally convinced her that I wanted her to visit more often.On the other end of the scale MIL would pop in every single day.She even woke me up a couple of times by going to the side of our house tapping on the window and calling out"Woohoo".She'd even tell us how to play with our own child.When she started telling my Mum not to do things(like horseyrides)because you'll rattle her brain!That was it!!When I fell pregnant with second bubby,things were getting so bad that I considered leaving.After many days of tears and the much needed talk with my partner I decided to stay.He had a chat with her and things have improved.Mainly because she doesn't tell us what to do anymore.She gives a look but says nothing.I definately feel like an outsider when there are family gatherings though.Easter time she was taking heaps of photos and I wasn't in any of them.She took a photo of my partner and our children but didn't include me.(no more pixi photos for her!)Things will never be great with us but I have to try to tolerate her for my childrens sake.Hope all improves for you.Take care.Cheers Deb:o)

Kailee-02/10/03 & Broden-25/08/05

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