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Being a mum is the greastest adventure i have every taken in my life. I Love my children and would be lost without them.
But at the same time spending all day with just the kids is sending me crazy.
I had my first Son when i was 20 and at that point in my life i had more friend's than i could count or so i thought i did. Now that i have my 2 boys it seems like i just don't fit in anywhere amongst my former friendship group.
When i go out with them i feel like i'm so out of place. All they do is drink, party and go out and there's me not able to include myself as i am still breast feeding both my children. I wouldn't change that for the world i just wishmy friends could understand that. I still love to have fun just in other ways.
I have since made other friends but as their first borns have gotten older they have all reverted to their prior ways. I'm only 21 now and i'm finding it so hard to meet anyone in my age group that i can fully relats to.
I fell like i'm this mature old mother, infact i'm starting to remind myself of my mum with some of the things i say, it doesn't worry me that i'm growing up because i believe thats part of parenting but it's changing everything and see my friends as immature, but when i associate with older mothers who i feel i can relate to it seems i'm being judged for not having all the great things they do.. ie: fancy car, family home ect: ect: I know my partner and i are doing well for our circumstances but we just can't afford the best of everything.
Has anyone else experienced this feeling and have any suggestions on where to meet people who just enjoying spending quality time with their kids and doing things other than partying and carring on.

The Neverending Day...

Wow Faith, you are an inspiration!!
At your age I sounded exactly like all your friends.
There was NO WAY I could relate to mums and I did not have a maternal bone in my body.
My body clock did not start ticking until I was 32, finally had twins at 35.
It is hard having to make new friends, ay my age a lot of my friends have moved interstate.(I really miss them)
I am a little like you even though there is 14 years age difference. I need to make new friends, have had to pull our heads in and live on 1 wage while paying off a morgage and bills.
I have made friends with my neighbour (we moved when I was 8mths preg) and have made contacts with mothers group. Because I have twins I am in a multiple birt assc, so have more contacts there.
But I know that once my bubs are going to kinder that I will really make new friends as they will be wanting to socialise with new playmates, so I am hoping that I will too make friends with the parents.
I suppose you just need to keep your options open, you never know when you are going to meet someone who could become your next best friend.
(I met mine on a barstool at a party, she offered me a drink and I thought she was trying to pick me up....we still laugh about that today.)


Danielle

hello faithie,

i am not yet a mum but am 21 and 29wks preggers and can really understand wat ur saying.
even before i fell pregnant i was being treated like an outcast coz i didn't go out drinking and partying. don't get me wrong, i did my fair share of it but around march last year after going out every wknd for 10 months and none stop partying with, like u, more friends that i could count, i was just really over it. i just didn't want to go out all the time and spend all my money and feel like absolute crap the next day. i went to a party if it was some1's birthday or a special occassion but even then i didn't drink much if at all. and that's when i realised that i didn't have many friends at all! which i didn't mind so much coz the 1's that were still there for me were obviously my true friends right? wrong!
me and my partner decided that we didn't want to live in the same place anymore so we moved to bathurst which is only an hour and a half away from where i lived b4.
anywayz my friends stayed in contact and we talked every week or so. then i found out i was pregnant. all of my friends have since just stopped ringing and coming 2 visit. when i go back there i would ring them 2 see wat they were up 2 but they were always hung-over/asleep or out at the pub or something. it really upset me!
none of them have kids and i am so excited bout my bub so of course i tell them wats going on with being pregnant but thats not all i talked about. i just didn't have any drunken party stories so i guess i was boring to them.

it really upsets me and frustrates me coz i bet u when they have kids they'll all have them around the same time and have help and support with each other. (i came from a really small town) i have no-one where i live now and no-one when i go back "home" and it's really lonely. i havn't had any1 2 talk 2 besides my partner and mum until i joined the huggies forums. and don't get me wrong my partner is an excellent support to me and loves me very much but sometimes u need a friend to talk 2.

i'm not a boring person i just don't drink and party. and like u, i feel like a mature mother 2 be and don't have any problem with that coz as u said it's part of parenting or in my case becoming a parent. but then i'm still young enough to cop all the critasism and b judged. it's like i'm stuck in the middle. i hate it!

sorry it's so long but it just all sorta came out. if u wanna chat anytime my addy is [email protected]

kobie xox

Kobie tongue mummy to Shaye 16/6/06

hello faithie,

i am 19 and have 13 wk old son, i am in the exact same situation as u, all my friends are childless and still going out and drinking, the always winge that i never go, i dont think they understand whats is needed to be done just for one night out..... organise a baby sitter, have the bottles ready, then make sure he is bathed and put to bed berfore u go, then get home at a reasonable hour and not too drunk so u can wake up to feed him in the morning, WITHOUT a hang over (makes life easier that day) then it takes a week to cath up on sleep.

LOL!!! i too remind myself of my mum at times, things she says or does i find myself doing or saying LOL!!

anyway enough rambling on..... where abouts are u from? im in melbourne, victoria i would like to chat to another person in my age group (and u have boys who are older so u can prepare meLOL)

anyway i better go get some washing folded before bed lol

kylie xox

***haydens mum***

Hi Faithie. I know exactly how you feel. I have 5 children. I had my first when I was eighteen, and three kids by the time I was 22. I also found it very hard. I didnt know anyone my age with kids. I tried play groups, but I felt completely inferior, and looked down on for being a young mother. And as you said, out of place as I had none of the things these women had. I was very depressed and very lonely. To be honest it wasnt until my eldest child started school, and I began meeting other mothers that I began to feel like I was "real mother" so to speak. A lot of the way I felt, and why it took me so long was because I had no confidence in myself, and felt that I had no right to be a mother at my age because it was frowned upon. Happy to say, I now havethe most wonderful circle of friends. Beautiful people that I can really count on. Hang in there, things will get better for you. Just remember that you have started the greatest journey of your life. Watching your children grow up. Maybe you could contact your local council for some young mums playgroups, or start one of your own. Good luck with it. Everything will be fine

3 boys, 2 girls

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