If you make it to the end of this post THANKYOU!
I'm just over it... it being DP.
I feel like he undermines everything I do, he is never happy/satisfied with anything, acts like a spoiled little kid, expects everything to go his way all the time and Heaven forbid it doesn't there are temper tantrums and sulking, he has very high expectations of how the children and I do things, and even higher expectations of how the house should look. he is constantly belittling and putting us down, and no matter how hard I try and tell him these things are wrong for him to be doing especially to the children, his constant reply is "Yeah well you do x", "I don't do any of those things" or (my personal favourite) "You're cracking it for no reason!"
I'm a pretty laid back person. I have learned to just go with the flow with him as no matter how much I fight it my opinion/ideas/thoughts/preferences/wants mean less than squat to him. It seems that his preference/choice etc trump mine regardless. He is the kind of person that when you say 'the sky is blue' he will disagree and say "no its turquoise!"
He never remembers anything, and I mean everything! I literally have to tell him things 6 or 7 times and even then he barely remembers, which becomes increasingly frustrating as since he never pays any attention to what I say to him he is constantly saying "What??" and I have to repeat myself another 5 times, and half the time he cuts me off with something totally irrelevant to the conversation, or starts paying attention to the TV and tunes out, so I stop mid sentence and he doesn't even realise! I am literally a broken record repeating every single thing I say 10 times. Often it gets to the point where I give up and say forget it!
The children are 3 and 5 and in his eyes never seem to do anything right. He absolutely adores them, there is no question about that, and they are his absolute pride and joy, but the way he speaks to them and puts them down is terrible. For example, I was tidying up my room today and asked DD1 if she could take some of the clothes and put them in the laundry. She agreed straight away and took them. DP went into the laundry 5 mins later and noticed DD had put the clothes into the washing machine. DP cracked it and yelled to her "Oh my God DD1 why did you put the dirty clothes in the washing machine! The clothes in there were clean! Now I have to wash them all again! Pay attention! It's not that hard!!!" She is 5 years old and thought outside the square and got into trouble for it! I told her to put it in the laundry and she thought ahead and tried to help and put them straight into the washing machine, and got shot down for it. I tried explaining this to him and he didn't care and kept going on about it. The clothes were worn,. not full of mud/dirt etc, the clothes underneath did not need to be washed again, but he disagreed.
So if he cracks it this badly about the clothes can you imagine the reaction he has over things that matter?!
The house has to be SPOTLESS otherwise he cracks it really badly, and gets in such a bad mood he puts his iPod in his ears and ignores us and cleans slamming things and not looking at us!! Now of course like most homes there are times when the house is a total mess... beds need making, dishes need putting away, dishwasher needs to be filled, washing folded etc, but it never EVER is filthy. I work up to 6 nights a week, often getting home at 1am, falling asleep by 2.30am and waking up at 5.45am to wake him up for work otherwise he sleeps thru his alarm. We do not sleep in the same bed as he snores extremely loud, and breathes very heavily which keeps me awake all night, so he sleeps on the couch or in DDs bedand DD sleeps with me. He refuses to go to a Dr about his snoring because "All quacks are overpaid idiots" so that's how the sleeping arrangements have been for well over a year now. So I have to get up out of bed, walk to the lounge and wake him up, then go back to bed until his alarm goes off again, then repeat the process... this happens 4 times, sometimes more. If I happen to sleep thru his alarm too he literally jumps out of bed, throws his work clothes on and runs out the door when the carpool arrives so often they are waiting for him!
So I get nearly 4 hours sleep a day, and work 6-10 hour length shifts depending on the day, and am expected to keep the house in 'Display Home' condition 24hours a day. Admittedly he does do alot of the housework as he only works 4 days a week, however I am constantly being told WHAT he has done regarding the housecleaning (as if he is trying to guilt trip me). He makes it out like all the kids and I do is make the house a mess as if we like like animals! As I said we all have days where the house is a mess, but messy and dirty are 2 different things! And in all honesty my house is pretty spotless most of the time because the kids and I avoid touching anything because of what he is like! A few weeks ago I had to start work early while DP was at work so my Mum came over to look after the kids, and brought over a heap of crafty things for them to do - coloured paper, kids scissors, new pencils, textas, glue, her laptop and printer so she could print off activities for them etc. DP got home at about 6pm, then I got home at 1am. I had to listen to him carry on for HOURS and again the next day about the fact my Mum had let the kids cut up little squares of paper to stick on their little posters, and that some were on the floor! A few weeks ago I cleaned out the kids wardrobe getting rid of clothes that don't fit them anymore, toys they have grown out of etc, and DP cracked it so much about the mess that he went to his parents house! I told him I had to pull all the stuff out to go thru it and weed it out, but he was so annoyed it was a mess while I was doing it that he went out so he didn't have to look at it!
He is constantly saying the house looks like a pig sty, whether it is spotless or not. I added up the other week how many hours I had to clean that week in order to do all the things he wanted done.... I alone cleaned for 35 hours over the course of the week, and he cleaned about 20 hours additional. Yes you read right, that is OVER 50 HOURS worth of cleaning a WEEK for a 12 square house!!!!!!!! We do NOT live like pigs, we have a very tidy home most of the time, yet it is not good enough. We can't do anything on the weekends until late arvo when its too late to do anything because "We have to clean first!!"
By the way he carries on it makes the house sound like it resembles a TIP but let me assure you it is far from it, to the point where I have considered that maybe he has OCD and not in a joking way! he has little interest in our finances, he does not know what I earn each each week, what bills are due or even what bills we have, he couldn't tell you who our gas or electricity company is! Yet is is obsessive about the housework!
He leave me list of things to do every day or calls and tells me things he wants done. And it's either do it or suffer his bad mood and belittling, and making me feel like I do nothing around here.
We only ever go the places he wants to do, only do the things he wants to do, only eat the foods he wants to eat, and if we don't then he is just so persistent and angry until he gets what he wants.
I feel like all I am is a convenience with him. Everything he wants he gets, and I have to cater for it all or Heaven help me with his moods! He constantly forge