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  5. I can see a fight with DH coming...

I can see a fight with DH coming... Lock Rss

DH and I seem to be fighting a lot lately and it's really getting me down. He is at work and I have just found a piece of paper with details of bank west's credit card types and also details about getting a motorcycle licence. First i've heard of it! I am freaking out cause he's never had a bike or said he wanted one, but I can't believe he's looking into it without even discussing it with me! We don't have a lot of disposable income and I'm imagining the cost of a bike, the training course, licence, helmet, leathers, boots, insurance .... probably more than that as well. I know if I bring it up with him it will result in a fight but whenever I think about it I feel sick in the stomach cause he never seems to have an issue with spending money we don't have on himself! In the past 5 years he has bought new golf clubs, wetsuit & surfboard, x-box, and a share in a racehorse!! All of which I knew nothing about until afterwards.

What am I supposed to say to get through to him that we as a family, our kids and our house should come before him alone?????
Good luck. If you find the answer let me know. Lol

Ha ha ha chalys, I know I'll still be searching for the answer in another 20 years ........
Oh geez...can't believe he is looking into that without even a heads up! What about seperate accounts- one for bills, one for savings etc..? Or ŸøÛ each get your own spending money? I say it all the time and it sounds stupid but atleast if he only has his spending money to play with its his problem when he runs out and ŸøÛ can relax knowing the savings and bill money won't be touched (or would it?! tongue )

Hope you find an answer soon- sounds really unfair sad

I agree with Dani, i do the bills in our house as i have always been good with the budgeting and my hubby always thinks we have "extra money" to throw around when we sat down and i showed him what we payed for everything, just the essentials that is, he freaked! He couldnt believe how much we had to spend to just make sure that we had everything we needed for the house, bills, the kids, the car and now he actually offers his help with it which is heaps good for us cause that way we are always on top of what we have.
I think you may just need to sit him down and show him how his sepnding affects the budget and maybe that will help him

I have the same problem with my DH, although mine isn't that extreme. We have been through alot and it got to the point where I was even considering leaving him. So first of all, I let him control all the finances for 1 week. no bills were paid and he didn't even pay the correct amount of rent, so i sat down with him and explained everything he was supposed to pay after the fact, even though everything he needed was on the fridge. This made him think a little but for long. It got to the point where I moved into a spare room, and wrote him a letter about how I was feeling as well as a table with all the incoming and outgoing money into the house. it showed he spent over $100 on himself and I spent $7 in one week. I left it to him when I went to work and didn't make any conversation with him for a few days. Come the weekend he was asking what money he could spend and even cleaned the entire house. Now when his money spending starts to go back to his old habits i slide in a little comment like "you know I really wish I was one of those people that spend money on themselves that should go to their family....but i'm just not that selfish, i don't have it in me" I know it makes him feel guilty and so he should because we are a family. family looks after each other, and with expecting our second next easter things are about to get tighter so i need to stay on top of it.
oh and we have a joint bank account that all the money goes into so we both can monitor it. He didn't get a choice in the matter lol
Sorry about the long reply, this is just my experience, good luck with yours! xx
I feel for you. It sounds like you need to sit down together and look at the household finances.

The way we do it (and I'm not saying it is for everyone, but it works for us) is we have multiple accounts.
- A bills account where money for rent, elctricity, day care, rego etc goes in on pay day and all the bills come out automatically
- An everyday account for groceries, petrol, clothes etc
- A joint savings account
- A credit card for emergencies only
And last but not least we each have our own slush accounts that we get $100 per month for us to spend how we please.

All of the accounts, other than our personal spending accounts, are joint and can be seen by both of us on net bank.

It sounds like you really just need to sit him down and explain that his purchases affect the whole family and big stuff really needs to be discussed first, not after the fact.

good luck smile
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