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Am i over reacting to MIL Lock Rss

I have a problem that has started to keep me awake at nights. My MIL is a really good person, we share alot of the same philosophies and enjoyed a nice relationship before my DD was born.

However since DD was born i feel that every day is either being run around what suits her or i am getting stressed out because i want to spend some time alone with my baby and i am getting all wound up just thinking about the inevitable phone call and having to hold her back with a barge pole.

I want DD to have a good relationship with my MIL, infact i feel it is important that happens, but my MIL is a very srongly opinionated woman and i find that more and more she is telling me what she feels, then i feel like she is telling me how to raise my child. She also makes me feel like a bad mum, although i know it is unintentional. Two examples of this. One day she came over and told me that tv gives children cancer and leukimia. NOw i don't let my baby watch too much tv but every now and then it is a useful tool of distraction whilst i start the dinner etc. Today, she piped up infront of her friends that were visiting her and i was meeting for the first time that jolly jumpers are damaging for babies. This was straight after i had been telling them how much DD loved hers. I was embarrassed.

I know this may all seem very petty to some of you but i really don't know how to handle this. I feel like one day i'm just going to explode and tell her to f*** off. I really don't want that to happen.

Maybe you think i am being over sensitive, Sometimes i worry that that is the case. Either way, i would love some advise. THis is really getting me down and i feel taking away some of the joy of raising my beautiful daughter.

thanks mums xxx

taffy

i dont think you are over reacting, or being over sensitive to your MIL. i understand that you want to have a good relationship with her, and want your daughter to have a good relationship with her grandma, but you should not let this stop you saying something. maybe you could sit her down and gently talk about how you are feeling. if you have a good relationship already, this shouldnt be a problem. if it is, maybe try dropping hints. this helps with me. i tell my MIL "oh, my mum said this... i hate when she tells me how to raise my son" etc. this way, im not having a go at MIL, but she is getting the picture that i want to do things my way. she probably isnt intentionally making you feel like a bad mum, but none the less - she is. this needs to stop, because you are not a bad mum. it sounds to me that she genuinely does care about you and your daughter, but is maybe going about things in the wrong way. she seems to be overbearing, and this may be causing the problems. could your DH talk to her about what youre feeling?
keep your chin up, and hopefully some other mummies can give you more advice

Tania. WA, Daniel - 26/01/06... smile

I dont think you are over-reacting.

In my own case I know that MIL's tend to what I call show off in front of other people. My MIL uses a different tone in her voice when talking about DD and tells other relatives that she visits us at least once a week to spend time with DD - what a crock! Lucky if she is here more than once a month!

I think with the examples you gave you could have challanged her a little more. With the TV comment - everything these days is meant to harm us, TVs phones, remotes at the end of the day there is not enough evidence to support this and if it gives kids cancer it would give adults cancer.
As for the jolly jumper - prolonged use for periods of time can be harmful but short use can be beneficial to a frustrated baby and mum - known to save sanity!

I think you need to get smarter with your responses and be on the ball ready to say something back in a nice diplomatic way.

If it gets too much get DH to get her to back off the critisim as she would listen to him rather than her yourself.

My FIL often says little things as we are obviously doing things differently to when they raised their kids and I often find myself saying things back in a nice way as if I dont it will keep happening.
I would never be rude unless the situation called for it but I often tell them how they now recommend this.... blah blah

Good Luck.. take comfort in knowing you arent the only one who suffers the MIL blues
I am dealing with the same problem and let it go on for so long that it really became a mess. I believe it is your partners place to say something purely because it is his family and it's out of respect for you. However, saying that, my partner kept saying he would talk to his Mum and never did. After three months of being an absolute mess over it I made my partner see that it was starting to effect us and I was disappointed that he wasn't supporting me and my needs. He finally talked to her but I now think I should have spoken to her (but with him there which I think is needed - for a witness if nothing else and support of course). At least if you do the talking the correct message and your feeling will be known and you will feel better for it - which I regret.

Good luck and don't let anyone effect your precious time with bubs - this is one time you are allowed to be selfish!

Nikki, baby girl ''''''''''''''''06, baby boy ''''

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