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Family interaction Lock Rss

Hello

I am just wondering whether anyone else has had a similar problem with their families. I know a lot of you have problems with over-involved family. Well for some reason I am having the opposite problem. I feel as though am fighting all the way to have family involve themselves with my baby girl.

To explain, I live interstate from my family, so direct interaction from them is not possible although, apart from my dad, they very rarely respond to my emails and photos. However, my husbands family are all relatively close, apart from his parents who live 2 hours drive away. Despite this, I seem to always be wondering if any of them even care that they have had a gorgeous little addition to the family.

Now on my hubby's side, she is the last in a long line of about 11 grandchildren, so perhaps the novelty has worn off. It makes me very sad and then a bit angry that they dont seem to bother with her; not even calling or emailling to see how she is and what she is up to. Some of them didnt even see her until she was one and the others that saw her at the hospital didnt see her between then and her first birthday. I have been sending photos and emails about what we have been up to. I have invited some of them to do some kind of activity with us, but no response from anyone. I am tired, for obvious reasons, and I feel as though this is just another task that I have to do that I just dont have energy for anymore.

The thing that gets me is that each time they see us they say, "oh we don't see you very often" and "she doesnt know us". Well, I wonder why. They all know where we live. Does the only time they see her be when we make an effort to go and visit?

It is important for me to have my gorgeous girl understand that she is part of a big family and feel as though she has a lot of people around that care about her and think she is great. Family is important to me, which perhaps is why this whole thing is making me feel awful.

If you have any suggestions after sitting it out this far, I would love to know because I am at the end of my tether and I feel that it is starting to cause a little bit of tension between my husband and I because he thinks it is all ok. Perhaps he is right, but I can't help but feel a bit cheesed off about it.

Thanks for reading.

WA - gorgeous little girl

Hi Kazmadi,

This is such a sad situation! It's not fair that you should have to do all the work to get the family together, when you've got enough on your plate looking after your little girl.

Families are tricky things - I guess I'm lucky as both our families live quite close and dote on Nina. When I have an issue with my husband's family however, it is understood that he should be the one to talk to them about it - whether he agrees completely with me or not - because it seems to cause less trouble if we each deal with our own families when issues arise - they seem to take it better coming from their own child!

So it might be a good idea for you to explain to your husband why you're not happy with the situation, and make it clear to him that you want your daughter to grow up with a sense of being part of the big family she was lucky enough to be born into. Ask him to talk to his parents about ways you could all get together more often, and to explain to them that it's important to the 3 of you that you work on the family relationships. And then you in turn could talk to your family about making a new plan for get-togethers and visits.

I grew up with basically no contact with my father's family, and since he died when I was 15, I now have no idea what any of his family are up to, or even a rough idea of how many cousins I have! I think it's great that you want to stop the drifting apart now, and hopefully if you can get your husband to understand that you want to repair things for your daughter's sake, he will see how important it is for her, and speak to his family about changing things.

It sounds to me like your in-laws are lucky to have lots of grandchildren, but that's no excuse for taking your little girl for granted - I'm sure she's the cutest by far! wink

If you frame your concerns in a positive way you might be able to avoid anyone getting upset at all - maybe you could visit your in-laws, spend some time with them and then say something like, "This was a great day! How about you guys come to us next weekend/in a couple of weeks for lunch and we'll return the favour?" If you make it sound more like a fun thing than a chore to get together ... who knows? That might work better than saying, "I don't think you spend enough time with us," which could put them straight on the defensive. Maybe you can come up with a routine of taking turns to visit, something that suits everyone and isn't too much or too little for all involved.

I hope you can come to an arrangement that you're happy with, I think you're definitely doing a good thing trying to keep the family close for your daughter's sake - remember that it's your hubby's job to back you up on things you feel strongly about, even if he doesn't think it's such a big deal! Good luck, hope I've helped.

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