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MIL vs your mum Lock Rss

I have been reading all these posts on herre about MIL...

Ok ill say it my MIL annoys me... and i dont even know y. Before my DD was born I got on fine with her, then i got preggas and noticed a bit of a change... like she was over reacting with everything... eg Ebony dont set up the nursery Ill do... NO YOU WONT I WILL...

Ok anyway and know that DD is here I just cant stand to be there. And she is nothing but nice to me.

Then it got me thinking. My mum I love her, she could sit there and say dont do this and dont do that (which she doesnt but she could) and I still would prefer to be there then at MIL.

So y is this so???

Why do we hate our MIL but our own mothers could do the samething and we wouldnt mind??

OH before I go MIL and FIL are coming down for the weekend in two weeks... SHOT ME NOW.

Ebony

Hey Ebony,

I think the reason is clear. If my mum did something I didn't like I would have no problems telling her and she would accept this. However, if my MIL did something I did not like and I told her she would be very offended and upset.

This has happened with my MIL before and I finally had enough and said my piece (nicely). She was SO offended it wasn't funny! She completely over-reacted and at the time I hated her for it.

Plus my mum does heaps to help me out, financially and in other ways, none of my inlaws have ever asked us if we needed their help!! EVER!!
Hi Ebony,

I think that no matter how much we may try to get along with our MIL's, we'll always be more comfortable with our own mums - they're our mums after all!

I'm more comfortable with my mum mainly because I don't have to worry about offending her or hurting her feelings if I have to tell her to do something differently with Nina, and I'm comfortable laying down the law. With my MIL, I always have to be careful not to hurt her feelings, so I find I get annoyed with her for little things, probably because I feel like I can't say anything.

With our own mums we don't have to think so carefully about what we say - I can say to mum "Don't do that" but with the MIL I feel like I have to give her a big explanation for why I don't want her to do something - it's just much harder work, trying to be polite all the time!

I think another big factor is that most of us probably have very similar approaches to parenting to our own mothers, so we've got less to disagree with them on.

It's a blimmin tricky business, good luck with the in-laws visit - I don't envy you! :~

This new forum is strange ...

Hear hear about the MIL/FIL. I can say things to my mum too...even about MIL. But can't talk to my MIL, she gets offended too...she likes to have control over us and i Hate it.
Last week she took all my washing (clean or uncleaned) home to wash because she didn't want to ask me how to use our washing machine. This infuriated me to no end...and over washing! one would think i would be glad...but its the sneaky way she did it. She also brings over things that she think will fit in our house...i am trying to get rid of crap and she brings it back.

Am i just too ungrateful? I think they have to always be right no matter what. Don't get me wrong i like having them in my boys lives...but at the same time.... they give me the !!!!

Sal, two mischief boys 4yrs & 16 mth's

Big hugs coming your way Ebony!

Wow can I empathize with you sadly enough. My MIL was always like a Mum to me and even through my pregnancy she was great and I couldn't wait to hang out with her more. After our girl (4mths) was born she was too much to bear and had to ask her to back off a bit. She took offence and has been nasty to me ever since, not to mention insulting my parenting skills and not doing what I ask.

Finally my partner spoke to her because it was really affecting my recovery from PND and she apparantly just cried and although she basically admitted her poor behaviour she somehow used my PND as her defence! Although very little detail of the conversation was told to me it was painfully clear that she was telling everyone my PND would be harming our baby and stopped her seeing her as a result.

I had to take action with her (which is not in my nature) which I see as the more mature approach - unlike her childish behaviour. To know that I am viewed as a danger to our baby as I feared is heartbreaking though. I was born to be a Mum and have a happy, healthy baby which you only need look at her to see.

It's frustrating I know but I suppost MIL can't always handle that they are no longer the main woman in their sons eyes anymore. You're damned if you do and damned if you don't so you may as well do what makes you happy.

Best of luck for the visit - perhaps you should invest in a stress ball . . . or 10!

Nikki, baby girl ''''''''''''''''06, baby boy ''''

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