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gaining better acess to our gradson Lock Rss

has anyone there had trouble letting go of the child and allowing contact with the fathers parents. we just want better access with our grandson not overnight access just daytime and only asking for short visits have even offer to allow the mum to stay but she insists that we go to her familys home and only husband and myself not ours sons older sister or younger brother or any other family my father hasnt seen baby since xmas day cooper is now13 mths old mum even cancelled a planned 1st birthday party for no reason

very proud nanny

my sons father never told his parents that we were pregnant, and didn't tell them when our son was born.

i have tried to contact them since seperateing from the father, only to get 1000 questions on what their son is doing, he hasn't spoken to them in a few yrs, and when he does it's only to get money off them.

In my situation now that my son is now 2 i wouldn't let them take him, mainly because ds doesn't know them, i habe suggested meeting up at cafe's so they can meet there only grandson but they wont. they only wont to meet at there house. which make me uncomfortable.

I think that all grandparents should be able to have access to there grand kids. you can try mediation through legal aid, which will set up a visitation for you. The courts are now seeing the importance of grandparents being in grand kids lives.

Maybe your grandsons mother is unsure of coming to your house try a playground somewhere that suits both you and the mum.

do you see Cooper when your son has him, maybe you should ask your son to talk to coopers mum and all of you try and work something out to benefit Cooper

Do you get along with the mum or have you maybe upset her in some way? I personally will not ever allow my husband's parents to even visit my home to see our daughter. He is in complete agreeance with me. It is not a right to see grandchildren, it is a privilege. My in-laws have said and done some awful things to me and if they don't respect me then they don't deserve the privilege of spending time with my daughter.
Maybe put yourself in mum's shoes and see how you would feel as a 1st time mum leaving your baby with someone they don't know or don't get along with. I'm sure you would agree she is just being cautious.
Maybe you could send her a letter explaining what you want but don't get upset with her if she doesn't agree.
maybe just start off on her terms until she is more comfortable and everyone gets to know one and other better. Then maybe she will feel more comfortable changing the arrangements to suit everyone.
Unfortunetly it is her child and in the end I think its her call so it depends how badly do you want to see your grandchild.
Dont worry about the aunts and uncles, they can sort visitation out with her for now concentrate on you.
baby steps....

Sounds like for now at least you might have to accept what she is offering on her terms, if she will allow you and your husband to visit at her home then do that, it is better than nothing. She must feel unsure or uncomfortable for some reason... cooper is her child and it is up to her whether he sees you or not. Accept her terms and maybe she will be more open to further contact in the future... don't force the issue, she dig her heels in more and cut off contact completely. Unfortunately this is not uncommon nowadays, my husbands parents and sister have never seen our son and have never attempted contact since i was 3 months pregnant with him... now i am 8 months pregnant with our 2nd son and looks like they won't have contact with this one either... must admit if they tried to force the issue i would become quite stubborn, isn't seeing Cooper on her terms better than not seeing at all? One step at a time...
[Edited on 26/06/2007]

Jade, QLD, DS Sept 04, #2 due 06/08/07

I think you should go with mums terms and take it one step at a time, without a good relationship with his mum you wont have a good relationship with the child.

Whilst there are legal avenues you can explore at the end of the day it comes down to the childs best interests and I doubt very much you would be granted visits on your terms given the child is only 13 months old.

Starting legal proceedings will only alienate his mother and then the likely outcome would be no contact, even with court orders (which I doubt you'd get) the mother can still deny access and you can find yourself in and out of court for years so the best thing is for all concerned is to get along and accept that it wont be exactly as you like it but if you can get along at least you will have some relationship with the child which is better than no relationship at all.
we have tried to do everything on ds ex;s terms have really tried to get on with her we have asked her if we can help out only to be told no he doesnt need any of you he has enogh love from her family this hurt deeply when she said that my son has even suggested that we all take cooper to a mutual place so we can have some time as a family this was refused even a planned birthday party to be held here seperate from his at her home her idea didnt go as planned we made the arraNGEMENTS she was happy with them then never showed up and her excuse was she was to busy and too bad her child rule her rules so we accepted this and got advice from relationships australia bout coming to an amecuable descission concerning coopers rights mediation was advised we met all the requiremnets and she didnt respond to any attempt son even asked her to come he got told her child her rights dont like then too bad so now because she hasnt even tried to sort it out it now goes to court and a judge will decide whats best for his rights as a child really hoped to avoid this but she just wouldnt agree on any suggestions even from her own parents or a legal aid solicitor. I really pray that the judge decides on a fair solotion for my son and his child and what is right for him in the long run

very proud nanny

Hi Butterfly dreamer,

it seems to me that you've done all that you can to be reasonable and considerate of you grandsons mother.
she sounds like she's out to hurt you and her own son by not allowing him to have the love and experience that you could give him.

I hope that all works out in the best interest of your grandson and son and that you get a chance to watch him grow up.

It really sounds like she's just being spiteful and she needs to grow up and realise that a child can never have too much love or too many people caring about a child.

Best of luck

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