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Hi there,
i really am feeling screwed up at the moment,as i found out last sunday that my hubby has been smsing some girl,that he reckons he met on myspace.He says it started off as friendship than turned to writing sleezy sexy messages.I found out as hes been acting so distant and a total ass toward me for months.Than I had to go with my gut feeling and do my own investigating to unfortunately find filthy messages...which if anyone had read them,they pretty much spelt out that they had slept together.
as soon as i read them i ofcourse confronted him and he at first amitted to doing everything apart from the deed.
Its just that he keeps on saying lies after lies,and u have to have a good memory if u wanna be a good liar,which he clearly doesnt.
He now says he only agreeded with me with me thinking that he slept with this person to hurt me.
Though in my eyes even if he hasnt slept with this person,smsing dirty messages and sending pics of his parts are just as bad.
I found out that this has been going on for 4mths,as i rung the telephone company,and the amount of sms have been unbelievable,last mth he sent her neally 900..
Throughout the week i have just got abuse after abuse,and i really dont know what to do as we have a 2yr old and im due to have second bubba in a month(though my bp has gone up and doc now says im going to be induced in 2weeks-yeah great timing)
I have tried to ask him what was wrong for months and suggested for him to see a counsellor as he has seemed depressed.little did i know that he kept going to bed just to sms the tart.
his mood swings have been out of control,as one minute he says hes sorry(which hasnt been that much)than he says that im a sneak and that i should have never had looked at his phone.
But its like all he can think of is his phone,as he says its been like a drug to him,as she would make him feel good about himself than thats been taken away,so ofcourse now he resents me.
He finally went to the doctor yesterday and is on tabs.
Its just that i dont want to stay with him for the wrong reasons...
and now that the trust has gone than whats the point with being with him.
i really dont know what to do as we both should be getting excited to meet our new bubba thats going to come into the world soon,but instead,we have to deal with this crap.
Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated,as this is really doing my head in...

Bec,VIC,MIKI 16/7/05 JELLYBEAN EDD 24/8/07

You poor thing, you must be feeling terrible at a time when you should be happy and excited about your new arrival coming. It's a terrible thing that husband has done but at least you have found out the truth. You said that you could never trust him again, and trust is definatley the most important thing in a marriage. You dont want to spend the rest of your life always wondering if he is been faithful to you. You need to ask yourself if you still love him and if you want to spend the rest of your life with him. All I can say for now is try and relax and take care of yourself and your child. Have you got any family or friends to talk to and help you out? Please keep us all updated, I hope everything works out for you xxxx
Thanks heaps for the reply,
yes after all this crap,i still do love him,but not sure enough for it to last.
i guess all this happened only a matter of days ago,so its only early days.and only time will tell.
I have been talking to two of my good friends,but havent told any of my family as they have never really been a big fan of him,but if i do decide to leave him,than i will tell them what has happened(even though he has asked me not to tell them no matter what happens)as i really hate dishonestly and im sure not going to lie for him.
i just still cant believe that the one man i married in the world,could do this not only to me but to his kids...i really dont get it.

Bec,VIC,MIKI 16/7/05 JELLYBEAN EDD 24/8/07

You sound like you are coping quite well under the circumstances. If you do want to give it another go with your husband you should give him an ultimatum and maybe even attend some marriage councelling to help you both overcome these problems. Even if it doesnt work out its not like you cant leave. Just do what is best for you and the kids and what makes you all happy. It's good that you are talking to friends about your problem, everything seems so much clearer when you talk about it. It must be heartbreaking for you knowing your husband has done this to you.Keep thinking about the positive things like the arrival of your new baby, it will help you cope a little better. Just remember you are a better peron than this woman he met on the internet and it will be his loss if he hurts you again! I really hope it all works out!
im just trying to keep strong for both the they r the ones that suffer in the end.
Yesterday was his day off and he was in bed for most of the day,and even when i asked him if he could go shopping for food for us he just went back to bed,so i had to go,even though he knows i have been instructed by doc to not drive over w/end just to see how i take to the bp tabs.And then lastnight he watches the last of the footy,and just is in a trance with it,and doesnt even say goodnite to our girl. and today he has the day off as well,and i asked nicely lastnight if he could get up for mikayla so i could actually have a sleep in(as doc has told me to rest as possible)and he prejudley(cant spell)said i put the monitor in his room(as we r in separate rooms)but he just lay there while she was yelling out to come out of her room this morning as well as he ignored the monitor beeping as it was going ofcourse mummy becky had to get up...and he says i couldnt sleep lastnite.....welllllllllll.....helloo,who can?
Yeah ok hes depressed,but I figure if he can go to work tha he can get his lazy arse out of bed and help me get organised for our new arrival,as i cant lift things around the place and etc....
Should i just leave him to dwell in self-pity or get him out of bed????
i mean whats he going to be like when the baby comes.i will be looking after 3 babies instead of two.
what should i do????

Bec,VIC,MIKI 16/7/05 JELLYBEAN EDD 24/8/07

im not one to say just give up on your marriage or leave. and i am not suggesting that you should.
But from what you have written he sounds like he is just being a downright jackass.
he's "depressed?" Why? Because he got caught fooling around?
You are the only one in the relationship who has a right to be depressed about that.
You have more important things to worry about than whether or not he feels good about himself right now.
Has he even apologised to you for what he has done??
Im sorry but reading this has infuriated me!
I know that nothing is ever black and white, and i totally understand that you still love him but if this was me, i would have told him dont let the door hit you in the arse on the way out, and sent him over to the other womans house and let her take care of him. Like you said, you dont need to be looking after 3 babies.

Sorry if this sounds harsh....thats just what I would do.
Good luck and i hope that you are able to do whatever turns out to be best for your family smile
Sorry, but I have to agree with Emma on this one. I gotta be blunt and say he sounds like a complete loser. I know I probably don't know the full story, and you love him etc.. But you have to think, if you hadn't caught him out with his phone, how far would it have gone with this other woman? You need to put yourself, your little girl and your unborn child first, and stop worrying about him. Actually, HE is the one who should be looking after YOU at the moment. If this was my partner, he'd be out on his ass.
Yeah, from what you have said it sounds like he isnt making an effort at all. He should be trying to make it up to you for what he has done. You dont need him acting like this and he is making your life miserable and thats the last thing you need. Would you be happier with a life with him or without him? You need to think about the future for you and you kids and make sure you are all happy. Maybe you need some time away from him and he might realise what he could loose, it might be a wakeup call for him. Look after yourself!
He hasnt really said sorry much at all,and when i ask him about this he just says,how many times should i say it??as u dont believe it anyway...that sounds like a cop out to me.
he actually got his arse out of bed @10.30am had a shower,so than i had one after him and when i put miki down for her sleep i had a rest...and i heard him go to bed than both miki and i were woken to a postie man delivering something which was for miki.Heard him crawl out of bed to answer door than he went back to bed while miki was yelling out,so up becky goes...
doesnt he get it that ive been instructed to rest as per doctors orders due to the high bp and being anemic..
Now im sounding selfish!
as like is said,he'll be ok to get out of bed to go to work tomorrow morning.
I neally was thinking of going to stay at my mums place for a couple of days,but she lives @45mins away, and im sooo tired but atleast i wouldnt have see his miserable face.And what if i went into labour,im not exactly here the hospital!!And why cant he go somewhere.
As for the tart,he reckons she was found out also as her partner saw the itemised sms bill and put two and two together,so he says anyway.Bit coincidence this happened the same time as i caught him??Who knows what to believe.i just wish i knew the real story,so than i could get over it.

Bec,VIC,MIKI 16/7/05 JELLYBEAN EDD 24/8/07


um..... YES

That is pretty simple. Not only would i get him out of bed but if you want to be alone and dont want to be far away from the hospital then you need to get him out of the house!

Tell him that until he sits down and tells you the whole, entire truth and nothing but the truth, you want him out of your house.

I feel for you. i really do. and i dont think you sound selfish at all. But why are you questioning yourself???
I dont understand why you are trying to come up with the answers to questions that wouldnt be there if he had not betrayed you in the first place!
I was in a similar situation about a year ago with my hubby. He met a girl in another state in a chat room and the chatting on the net led to him calling her after I was asleep. I knew something was up due to the little lies and then I caught him on the phone at 2.00am well it snowballed from there. He swore that nothing was going on with her and she was just a friend - come on who calls their friends at 2 in the morning when their other half is asleep??

I tried to let it go but I couldnt so I packed my bags and went home to dad only to get a phone call from him saying she was being too full on and it was a bit of a joke for him and she had taken it too seriously and wanted to come and see him. I think at this point he realised how much of a jerk he was and that he had made a huge mistake. He finally opened up to me and said it was because he was unhappy with himself and felt he couldnt talk to me and she was there at a vunerable time.

I went home and we have sorted through everything. She called one night at 1am and I had a chat with her, we havent heard from her since.

My situation is a little different to yours as he never actually met her and I am not going to say it was easy but I am glad we sorted it out it has made us much stronger and more open with each other and now we are going to start a family.

One of the things I did with him which was really hard but really helped was when he started to open up I just sat there and said nothing even though I wanted to kill him. I also started a diary where I could write down all the things that were driving me nuts and all the things I would have loved to call him but knew it would only make the situation worse and this was a life saver as it averted some huge fights. Because I didnt get confrontational with him when she started acting like a fruit cake stalker it made me look really sane and down to earth.

If you want to have a chat you can email me at [email protected]
i am so sorry to say this but i would be saying see ya how rude you poor thing you don't desirve any of this and your dd and new bub def does not he obviously doesn't care about his family so i would tell him to get the hell out

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