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being a young parent or having family interfeer? Lock Rss

awww thats horrible, what he expects you to make this beautiful child, carry it, give birth to it and then just give it away?
I feel for you.
Well today my bf and i thought it would be nice to get out for a couple of hours with a few friends and play some put- put hehe, which turned out to be highly amusing.

Anyway I asked my father in law if he would like to babysit yea no problem. I got up at 6.35 and packed seths things, lunch, nappies, wipes, water bottle etc. So the day is going well, I ring my father in law to see how the little man is and everything, and im told that he had fish and chips for lunch!!!!! That he hasn't had any of his fruit or anything. Made me so mad and spoiled my day basically because i couldn't get it out of my head.
So we go to pick seth up and my father in law is in the process of making him a peanut butter sandwich lol and yet none of his lunch i packed was eaten. Now some people may say im just being picky etc, but to me if thats not undermining than what is?
A lot of people have said, oh but they are grandparents and they are just there to spoil them. But my argument is sure, he can have more lollies etc when he is older, he isn't even 2 yet for gods sake. They have 18-19 years ahead of them to do that kinda thing. I find it really hard with confrontation, i shake i get all upset and i never get the point i wanted across. So im finding it really hard to sought this issue out, without getting upset or losing my head.
Oh I feel for you! I was the same age as you are with Lucas and really got frustrated with hubbys family, it caused major arguments between us. I guess because we were both young they thought we knew nothing. We've got 4 kids now and although things have improved a bit (I guess they've figured out that we know something, lol!) our main course of action is to just stay away, probly a bit gutless really as I guess it does avoid confrontation but we've tried to tell them and it has worked a little but not as much as we'd like it to. If you're partner is backing you up it does help, hubby is finally standing up for our family and his family are like 'wow ok maybe he can look after himself' they're starting to treat him like he's a man rather than a child.

me 24, hubby 25 four boys age 4 and under :0)

ah, you could be me! im 21 wiht 1 girl, my MIL and FIL are just the same (except they would just like to live wiht us not take the bub away from us).......... it just so aggravating!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i know excatly how you feel... im not much help but i just grin and bear it (well, frown and bear it). PM me if you wanna have a biiiiiiiitch about this coz im up for a session anytime... goo luck though, im rooting for you
Oh I fit right in here!!!!!!

I was 19 when I got pregnant, not planned, with first (am now 12 weeks prgnant, also not planned) bub. As soon as we told his parents they tried to talk us out of it. He was ok with it, took a bit of getting used to and a lot of yes we have the baby, then no don't have the baby... but he had finally made up his mind and said yes i want this baby. We spoke to his parents and they basically talked him out of it, saying we were too young etc... I wouldn't back down and said if he comes to me and says he wants me to terminate then i would, but it had to come from him. they didn't like that. Now that we are parents things are only getting worse.

We found out in March that our son has a nut allergy and it was only two months ago that we found out how severe (anaphylactic) and I have the same reaction to anything to do with fish and seafood but I know they don't believe that my allergy is that severe. Bub is also allergic to eggs, and one night (before we had him tested) we spent half the night at the hospital because of an allergy reaction to eggs and the next day I had to work so my MIL had bub knowing about the allergy, and went out for coffee and got a custard tart. He was not allowed the pastry because of the egg in pastry but he had the custard!!!!! Needless to say he had a minor reaction that night. They know bub is allergic to nuts, mostly peanuts, yet they keep a bowl of nuts on the bench to snack on as they walk past. We had to basically threaten them with get rid of the nuts or bub doesn't come here again. My fiancee is a diabetic as is his mum (my MIL) so I get frowned upon for giving bub the occasional sweet thing, yet if he is with her for an afternoon he eats basically nothing but wonder he has the runs when he gets home. No matter how many times I very politely try to talk to them about this, they don't listen. SO FRUSTRATING. She had bub a few weeks ago and was taking him back to their place when she ran up the bum of another car, granted I had no way of getting to the crash, but I had to find out from my other half that there had been an accident and that it was because bub had pulled his arms out of his car seat and tried to open the door (this is what he was told from his dad). Needless to say I was furious. How dare FIL blame bub for the crash. He always takes his arms out of the seat, and we are trying desperately to make him stop, but they should have had the child lock on the car, or all the doors locked (like we do when we have him in the car)....When they all came back to our place FIL is very lucky someone changed the topic or I would have told him exactly what I think of him. and then they came over the other day to pick bub up (they take him one arvo a week) and bub was playing outside, so rather than come inside like most polite poeple do, FIL picked up bub, took him to the car and then came inside to get his bag. I had a bit of a dig at him and said I wanted to say goodbye to bub but was told oh you still can, it's just this car is a bit more arkward to get him into (being a 2 door car that he has never been in before). Bub was screaming and holding his arms out for me, so I took him, everyone came inside and talked for a few minutes then he was good to get back into the car. They then had the nerve to blame it on the car being that bub had never been in it before. When we went to pick bub up from their place that night they said the exact same thing, and I said no, FIL can't just take a child from his own backyard, even if it is his grandson, he has no right. they didn't appreciate that comment.

I know they are good people, I just want them to understand that these are the choices we have made for our son and they need to respct that. I also want them to realise that as bub's parents, we have the final say and they need to listen to that, not talk over us as they do at the moment. They are the sort of people who you can tell the same thing to over and over and they hear what they want to hear!!!!!!!!!!!!

so yeah I guess to some extent, i feel your pain!!!!

** RIP...Ash 27/6/1985 - 17/10/2009 **

There would be no stopping my rage if anyone family included took my kid from my backyard and then came through my front door.

I have had issues with my partners mother and i just cut off contact, i could care less who sees my son.. he's mine and not theirs so if they want to see him its not my issue if they can't abide by my rules then they don't see my kid thats it!.

I have had my partners mother have a go at me because i dare to do something else with my weekend rather than go to her home.. i could care less if she wants to see my kid.. if she wants to see my son come to my home and don't work 7 days a week.

My mother is very close with my son.. she comes here 4 times a week, and she takes him to the shop and shares her cup of weak tea with him.. he loves it and i don't mind but my partners mother when we get to her house she just sits him there ad kinda talks to him a bit but mostly she just laughs at him trying to walk and stuff like he is some trained seal.

She now knows my stance on not giving him food i dont like so now she asks, which is all i asked for in the beginning anyways.

So i too feel your pain in way

Ky,Tristan 1year old

I wish I was like that..unfortunately, my inlaws have a way of making me feel like the bad one when I confront them about things like that. They think they are doing nothing wrong and when I say something to them, they just seem to twist it so I end up feeling like the bad person for "telling them off". My fiancee and I have HUGE arguments about them. We are considering moving away from them just to get them off our back.

** RIP...Ash 27/6/1985 - 17/10/2009 **

twos company thats exactly how i feel, every time i say something things are said like "don't you think thats selfish"? " SHOULDN'T SETH MAKE THAT DECISION WHEN HIS OLDER"?
i freaking hate it. And my parter isn't strong on saying anything, but I always get to a point where im so upset about it I let it build and build and build to a stage where i snap and then it doesn't come out right and we all have a huge argument, if only i could openly tell them my feelings without feeling guilty. All i have ever asked is if they could ask us, the worst we can do i say no. I just think it comes under respect. I'm sure they would have gone through the same thing with their own parents and inlaws when they had us, so why are they so quick to forget?
IDK anymore, i think it will always be a mystery throughout generation lol. I feel for all of you lovely ladies, I hope it all goes well if you eva want to chat pm me ill give you my msn address smile
ps:ty for replying
i know, maybe a little self-centred about myself, but i honestly thought i was the only who had these sort of probs with in laws. my fiancee and i have massive rows about his parents a lot - he also can't really stand up to them, but then when he does, they don't listen! i usually let it build up until i cant take it anymore, then i bombard him with ALL the things I don't like about his parents, even then i don't get to say it all because he gets sick of hearing his parents bagged out (which i can understand....) but something has to change!!!!!!!!!! We are getting married on saturday and i have sworn to my fiancee that i WILL NOT get upset by what they do or say to me!!!!!!!! at least until later when i vent...

good luck with it all

** RIP...Ash 27/6/1985 - 17/10/2009 **

yea, i hear ya sister!! hehe tongue
I'm sorry to hear that its stressing a bit before your wedding, congratulations by the way i hope you have a lovely day smile
Yea thats exactly what i do. I say to my partner "you can tell them that we don't want them doing this and that", because it's always me doing it, no wonder they prob think im a bitch. But he never actually does it. Another thing that has been pissing me off is, we have told dp grandfather not to pick seth up and carry him around, because a) he is to heavy, b)he cant see properly and all that its dangerous, he could fall over, and c) seth is very very strong and having massive tantrums, his only got to throw himself once and he will be straight on the floor.

Anyway i have always said he can sit him on his lap and do all that kinda stuff. Anyway we went over there and he is carrying him around, geeze i wonder how long that has been going on. Its just the trust issues, how am i supposed to trust them with my child when they keep going behind my back. Sorry just venting hehe, anyway hope you all have a great week.
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