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Am I asking for too much??? Rss

Is it too much to ask your partner to help out a little when they get home from work? All my DP wants to do is play video games when he gets home, this is his way of relaxing which is fine but I believe he should spend time with his daughter until she goes to bed THEN play games if he wants to. I have to ask him to help me out by feeding her, bathing her or playing with her so I can start dinner, and sometimes I get complaints! I know he works hard all day, but so do I. I think we should split the night time chores so I get to relax too and I asking too much? Or maybe asking the wrong way? And why should I have to ask in the first place, shouldn't he just help out.
I dont think you are asking for too much. Its tough being at home. I understand that men work hard as well, but making a baby was a joint effort and I believe so should raising one be a team effort.
I am very lucky to have a great husband but there are times he will take himself off to bed or watch a movie on the couch. As a mother our level of responsibility is sometimes completely different to that of a mans.
[Edited on 26/02/2009]
No I don't think you're asking too much. How old is your daughter? If she is very young he may feel inadequate and I may need some positive encouragement.

For example, you say can you play with DD while I go do dinner and plonk DD down beside him and walk off.

Do you do that?

He actually may well have no idea what to do. He's also probably feeling pretty stupid BECAUSE he doesn't know what to do.
Try sitting down with him and showing him what you do when you play with her.

Guy's do not KNOW what to do with babies and very young children. Women kinda do because of thier genetic make-up. I think men are better, by virtue of genetic make-up, as children get over 5 or so. As far as I'm concerned that's when the fun really starts, for guy's! I have an 8 year old and we have a great time. I also get annoyed with him sometimes. He's a real smart-arse! I have no idea where he get's that from... Mum I think. But I digress : )

My suggestion is, in a positive and uncondescending way show him how you look after your DD and explain yourself the whole way. You maybe ( I hope ) surprised how interested he actually get's. It's all new stuff he's hearing!

Hope that's helpful

Rocks weather

Posted by: Rockies
No I don't think you're asking too much. How old is your daughter? If she is very young he may feel inadequate and I may need some positive encouragement.

Thanks, your post very very helpful! DD is 6 months. I think you may be right. I notice when he does sit down on the floor with her he doesn't do much and he doesn't stay there very long. After a short time he'll strap her into her swing or put her in her bouncer and turn on the TV or playstation. Although he seems to bond really well with her when he's playing a suitable game with DD on his lap watching.

And no I don't usually just plonk her down and leave the room, normally I say "can you please look after DD so I can start dinner" or something like that. I'll try your way.

I didn't really think that he didn't know what to do, I guess I do spend heaps more time with her than he does. So I need to give him a chance. Thanks again.
I don't think that you're asking for too much at all. He is as much of a parent as you are and he may have been at work, but you have been working all day too - looking after his bub! Perhaps you're handling it the wrong way. My husband was the same, so I made us split the chores.....he gets home an hour and a half after I do, so by the time he comes home, our son (who is one) is bathed and fed. Then as soon as he comes home, gets changed, grabs a drink, he takes Charlie off my hands so that I can prepare our dinner. They just play and watch the news together! Then after I have prepared dinner, I take over again so he can have a break and then put Charlie to bed. Then we have time together. He has to understand that you're both parents and you don't get a break either.....have you communicated this with him without nagging?

Eloise x

No way! like someone else said its a team effort and men really dont know what to do with a new baby, we have the benefit of having it all built in and magically know what to do what ever the situation, and we need to teach our men
My (now ex) partner when our son was born, well all he did was play on the computer or playstation, went out drinking with the boys, etc etc, and half the time didnt even go to work, now i didnt mind at all, it wasnt until i asked for help eg: canyou do the dishes for me while i feed baby, or hold your son while i go have a bath, things like that i would get complaints about. It got bad to the point where one day his mother (i still get on really well with her now) noticed i was looking really stressed, so i told her about it, and she slapped him around the ears and told him about what his father was like when he was little, his biggest fear is being like his fther so he straightened up after that, though it still took until our boy was 3 til he really started looking after him properly (but in saying that, i had left because of another reason, before then so he really didnt have a choice, me andhs mother worked together to get him to take custody, and now we share custody 50/50 which is good though not always)

RotoruaNZ - Brayden May 05 & Lacey Dec 09

I know what you mean. My partner works Monday to Friday 8 hour days so I understand he is tired but when he comes home and just sits down all night long and watches tv or plays video games while I sit at the table with the kids as well as clean the kitchen, do dishes and get them ready for bed I feel angry and resentful. He doesn't even offer to help. I have to tell him to do things and even then it doesn't always happen. I often feel like a single parent. Another thing that p!sses me off is if he wants sex or whats to be intimate and I am not in the mood he gets annoyed, I have told him maybe if he pulls his weight more with the kids and housework he might get some more action but nothing happens.

Best of luck to you.
No your not asking for too much at all, when he comes home from work he should be focusing on you and the baby and
giving you the attention and help that you havnt had during the day.
I hate the whole video game thing, I couldn't be with someone who loved games that much. This probably sounds a bit pushy and controlling, but I would tell him I'm sick of seeing the video games, it's me or the games.
It's not fair that he gets to spend so much time doing things that please just him, what do you spend that much time doing purely for yourself?
I think that spouses should spend more time together. I mean, it's much easier to do all the housework together and then relax with each other. Sex is a great way to tighten your bond and it's obvious that some men have problems with it because of stress and stuff but always can help so it's not an issue actually.
Thank you very much for the useful information.
Sometimes we forget that men think differently. They will always have a job in the first place (to support the family). I didn't understand before, why my husband returned home and immediately sits down to check the poker table positions. It even offended me. But then I realized that being able to earn more is very important to him. Moreover, he always knew how to plan his time.
My suggestion is, in a positive and uncondescending way show him how you look after your DD and explain yourself the whole way. You maybe ( I hope ) surprised how interested he actually get's. It's all new stuff he's hearing!
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