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Older siblings (teenagers) - 2nd marriage with newborn Lock Rss

I have a newborn (4 weeks) to my huband (2nd marriage). I have two teenagers to my previous marriage whom I share custody of with their father week on week off. My eldest (son - 15) is yet to have a hold even after asked by myself and my daughter (13) was interested in my newborn at hospital but has since been very distant from him and when asked to have a hold she said no that she didn't really want too. I am not sure if they are just too caught up in their own lives or simply dont care. I feel really sad about this and have even questioned whether I have made the right decision in having another child?? Which then makes me even more upset to be having these thoughts. I want to show my elderst children that I am still there for them. Please help with any suggestions you may have to help me bring this family closer and want to spend time with each other.
Your children might be feeling as though they have been replaced in your life by the new baby. I know it is hard to deal with but if you give it time and try to do as many of the things you did with them before the baby came along, they will probably come around to the situation a lot quicker.
Hi, my two older kids were 15 & 17 when I had a new bub in a different relationship. My daughter was ok but my son was a bit different, I think it was more a case of not knowing what to do with a new baby and that she was so small. He was like this the whole time she was a baby, would have a hold but only when someone gave her to him and said here have a hold. But now she is nearly 2 and although he doesnt live with us he absolutely loves her, every time we see him he now picks her up and gives her a cuddle, is pulling faces and playing with her. My older daughter is living with us at the moment so spends a lot of time with her.
I think just give them a bit of time, if they havent been around a little baby before they may be scared of hurting him/her. I would try doing it in a way that they are helping you, so maybe ask one of them if they will just hold bub for a minute while you make a cuppa or get some clothes off the line, but keep in the same area with them and carry on a conversation like asking how is school etc.
I dunno if I've been of much help but if there is anything you want to know or just want to chat to someone who has been in the same position PM me anytime.
Also, if possible, get dad to look after bub for an hour or so and spend some one on one time with the other kids, go to the shops for an icecream or do something they enjoy.
Could also be something yr ex is saying to the kids about the new relationship and the baby?

Hey girl,
Your post sent back so many memories.
My son was 11 when my second DS was born and 13 when my DD was born.
I saw a saddness in his eyes I had never seen before and he to did what you two did. But as time went on he came around and is wonderful with them now.
he told me he felt left out and didnt know when he now fitted in the family. I told his he was the most important because he was the eldest.
My Partner was great, he did heaps of "big Boy" things with him, just one-on-one. And I did the same.
Every day he comes home from school I say "thank god your here. its so good to see and talk to a big person.
Good luck, hang in there.

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Hi Jules and congratulations on your baby.

At the moment your hormones are still up in the air so relax and enjoy your new baby. Your teens will soon come around, its just that there's a new little person who is sharing your attention right now and they will cope and adjust, like they have done with every thing else new.

I have two girls 19 and 21 years old, from 1st marriage, the older lives on her own the younger still with us. (though now looking at moving out) I also have a baby with my new husband and I couldnt be happier.
I know my girls are older but please dont question yourself about the new baby or wonder if you've made the right decision, as time goes by your children will come around and before you know it they will be fighting over who's going to hold or feed the baby. My girls took a little time in holding him cause he was so small. My older daughter was worried she would drop him on his head and would only hold him if she was sitting down,lol

Hi JuliesTurls, I hope all has improved with your family, if it helps at all I can relate, I have 13 year old twin girls who when I told them I was pregnant they accused me of ruining their lives, they were so negative during my pregnancy it was very hard not to let hormones take over and take it all too heart but I have learnt to try to just say to myself that it is not personal. They have been great since our little boy who is 10mths old now came along, they help out in all sorts of ways other than changing nappies but every so often they get annoyed and think it is all about the baby. Even now I try not to take it too heart and just let them vent. I hope that in the long run they will look back maybe when they have children themselves and realise how hard it must of been.
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