Huggies Forum

Am I selfish????????? Lock Rss

My DD started daycare when she turned 1. I felt she needed the social asspect, and also need those few hours one day a week to do physio for my disabled father. i feel bad for putting her in as i feel that i am taking a spot from a working parent. But there is no way that i would do it just to get my nails done.

OK here is my take on things.

Atm I am faced with a scenario similar but vastly different to the one you are looking at. Moo is 27mths old and for the last 4-6mths EVERYTIME we drive past a daycare center she says "Me, play, kids, pleeeeeeease" I have been reluctant to put her in daycare as being a SAHP I didnt think there was sufficient reasoning for Moo to take up the space that could be better utilised by a child of a working parent ect. Recently however I realised that Moo does need to become socialised with other children apart from family, friends and neighbours children. She is "craving" this so I investigated and found a lovely center where she will be enrolled for 2 days per week. I will be utilising the time to continue attending my aqua class I so enjoy (they dont have their own childcare facilities) and I will also look at beginning a course via correspondance. Whilst everything seems to be falling into place I cant erase the extreme guilt I am feeling in regards to this. Whilst I know she wants to go and is asking I realise that at 27mths she is unable to realise that going to daycare means she is away from mum. If at ANYTIME she doesnt like it and doesnt want to go then I will not force her and she will cease going. Her needs far outweigh mine.

So in saying all this I say YES you are being extremely selfish in your reasonings of wanting to put your 8mth old into daycare. At 8mths old alot of children are beginning to experience both seperation and stranger anxiety so you could end up doing damage for want of a better word rather then doing her socialisation any good.
I have been reading these boards for about a week now, trying to decide if I should join up, and this question, made me make up my mind. I could not resist answering this question.

Yes I think it is selfish.

If you want to see a movie, hire it and watch it at sleep time, if you want your nails done, either take your bub with you, do them yourself, or have someone do them at your house, there are plenty of mobile hair / nails services around.

I am stunned that you would be offened by the answers you have received when you were the one to ask if your being selfish.

We have 3 little ones, 5,4 and 2 years old. Our 4 year old son is in day care one day a week for no more than five hours. The only reason he is in, is he was too reliant on me. Meaning he would grunt rather than ask for something and I would know what he meant but no one else would. In the 5 months he has been there he has improved emensly.

As for support from a partner or family, my hubby works interstae during the week. A differant state each week at that. This week he is in Tassie, last week in Sydney, next week Adelaide etc, so we have weekends together. Both or parents are hours away from us, so help is rarly at hand. Thankflly I have a great neighbour who can be counted on emergancies.

I do everything around the house, washing, cleaning tidying, homework, gardening. everything. My logic is the more I can do during the week the more time we can spend together as a family on the weekend.

I would never dream of dumping my kids in day care for something as insignificant as nails and a movie.

mum to bubba 5yo, dude 4yo and little man 2yo.

I am a stay at home Mum with 3. DS #1 is at school DS#2 goes to Kindy 4 afternoons a week and DD#1 is at home.
Before DS#2 started Kindy I put him in daycare 1 day a week. DS#2 has Autism and I needed some respite so I could get things done with out him. Yes I agree if you have to work or you care for some one disability then you should be entitled to child care before everyone else.

Can I ask why cant you get a person to come to your home to get your nails done while your child is sleeping?

Yes your partner/hubby works in retail but why cant he look after you son on a sat night or sunday when he isnt working for you to go to the movies and if you just want the time to go shopping for goodness sakes thake you child with you. it isnt that hard to take an 8 month old to the shops.
looking at the amount of posts from ladies here who are pnd, depressed, desprate for help or those who are simply just not coping i think if you need to put ya kids in day care once a week or so to stay sane, keep up with chores, or even just a touch of me time then go for it and dont listen to any judgement from others its you who has to live with this and if this helps you get thru the day then do what ya gotta do... and i think everyone should take some ME time, weather thats a movie or a bubble bath with no interuptions or even a uninterupted cup of coffee and not feel guilty about it, just cause your now a mother it doesnt mean you are no longer you and that you no longer need a moments peace

Pretty harsh for an 8 month old...... They would have no understanding at all of why they have been left in a room full of strangers.

I believe the socialisation aspect of childcare is a cop out. Kids can be socialised in all sorts of situations.....

I also believe the whole "happy mummy, happy baby" concept has now advanced to being used as an excuse to be selfish.

Surely by attending to your kids needs creating a "happy baby" would lead to a "happy mummy".....
(I am not referring to any kind of depression etc. just the run of the mill mum that decides their needs are more important on a regular basis.)

Having a baby is an act that requires us to be selfless. Society today has turned it into being all about the parents.
Personally I rather spend that time with the kids

As long as the tax payer is picking up the majority of the bill do what suits you and your kids...
[Edited on 24/06/2008]
If you are selfish, I am selfish.....

It is 2pm and i'm still in bed.

Both my girls are in daycare and I LOVE this day.
Brooke was already going 2 days a week and I put Lily in 1 day a week when she turned one as she was insanely clingy to me.

I am a single mum and I needed the break.
It lets me recharge and gets things done. I will get dressed and tidy up soon so it looks like I've been productive today for when my sister drops them home.(my sister works at the centre,my mum is the cook)

Most Tuesdays I do go out and do things that I can't do but today I just couldn't be bothered.
Maybe wait until your bub is at least 12 months before putting him in. It's not like your going back to work and you may be taking up a space of a working mum.

DD goes to Daycare but only as I work. When I start my maternity leave I will keep her going to daycare for 1 day a week for social interaction though. Under the age of 1 they don't socially interact. Could you just take bub with you in his pram when you get your nails done.

Each to their own though.

Sasha & Willum my beautiful kiddies

Yet another thread started by a person who has already made up their mind about what they are asking and are yet still feeling guilty and hoping all the members will tell them just what they want to hear.

IF you have made up your mind to do something, why ask everyone for their opinion and get sooky when you receive advice that is opposite to what you want to hear.

In any case do what you need to do for you and your family, you dont need to justify your actions to anyone but you and your family.

If you have guilty feelings about your decision, you need to rethink it yourself and make the right decision, no one else can do that for you, specially not a bunch of mum's you've never met!

I dont think its selfish, i think everyone needs a bit of "me" time. I think you should do whatever suits you and your family.
Posted by: ggsmama
i think you should leave the spots for working mothers.. your at home how much more of a break could you need? cant you do that stuff on the weekend?

Sorry but I am really offended by your comment, I can tell you being at home with a 17 month old 24 hours a day 7 days a week is hard work!!!

I went back to full time work when DD was 4 months old, I then quit to be a SAHM when she was 10 months. And I can tell you now, being at home is just as hard if not harder, at least at work you get a lunch break, you can have an adult conversation and you can go to the toilet in peace!!!

I would not change being a SAHM at all, I love it, but it is far from easy!!!

To the OP, I left DD in day care one day a week when I quit work because she loved it, we have since moved and she is no longer in day care, but she will be starting again when #2 is born in a few weeks.

I did find that Fridays became my busy day, by the time I did everything I wanted to do without having to drag DD around with me!!!

So no I don't think you are selfish having your children in care one day a week!!!

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