Am I selfish?????????

Having 'me time' by putting a baby into daycare, is the definiton of selfishness. It seems many people want to have babies, but they don't necessarily want to be with them all of the time. Parenting is about sacrifices isn't it?

Everyone has days when they feel overwhelmed, but the truth is, babies sleep alot. This is the me-time everyone speaks about. Rent a movie out, invite friends over for a coffee. But to not want to spend one day every week with your baby so you can get nails done, I find that unbelievable.

eve u are so right! i do things in that hour or 2 he is asleep

I wouldn't call it selfish. If you can afford it, and you feel comfortable doing it then it's up to you and your partner.
I couldn't do it, even though there are days I really wish the fairy godmother would whisk away my 2 in order for me to get back a tiny piece of my sanity! But then I would want them back in 5 minutes!
My eldest does home care one day a week and started that in March this year, so she was 3.5 + years old. I did this as I want her to be well prepared for being away from us ready for kindy next year. She absolutely loves it and asks to go to 'MARY'S' house nearly every day!
My youngest will probably do the same.
I think some parents really need some me time, sometimes I need it but I'm lucky enough to have a hubby on shift, therefore he works all different days of the week and has them off also. If he wasn't helpful or took care of the girls, I would need to put them both in care at least once a fortnight in order to have a break, as the youngest hasn't been a bed of roses!
The comment of one of the posters - something like 'you are home already, how much more of a break do you need' (I know, not exactly those words, but something along the means of that) rubbed me up the wrong way. Although my girls are in perfect health, by the end of the day I breathe a big sigh of relief when they are in bed, only to know that the bub will be up about 5 times over the next 8 hours. That the eldest has been running around outside, coloured in, read books, watched a movie, payed with her toys and helped cook in the kitchen still for there to be a few hours left to drive me bonkers with 'Mum, what I can do' about 50 thousand times! That I cant move any more than 1 metre away from the bub without her screaming.
It's not easy in EVERY mothers house, it's not a bed of roses for every SAHM, just remember that. We love our kids to bits, but we also have to remember to look after the one who looks after them.
Again, I wouldn't do it, but then there a a lot of things that I wouldn't do that other mothers do, but thats just me.
[Edited on 24/06/2008]

I put my Lily in daycare for 'selfish' reasons.
I needed time to myself without someone hanging off me.

I know kids are only young once, but one day a week doesn't hurt.
Today I picked Lily up and I spend an hour trying to get her out of there! She really enjoys going.
I do miss them when they are there and I love to go and play with them when I pick them up.
She was really clingy to me before she started going and she has learnt theres more to life than mum.

I felt like you did and put her name down. I spoke to the owner and said that I wanted a place if there was one and if anyone who NEEDED the spot I was taking that they could have it.

The day gives me something to look forward to, The girls love to go, they pack their bags and pick their clothes.
For me its a win win situation

Posted by: **~Jess~Mumof3~**
OK I am going to put this one oyt there and may be way off the mark.

BUT for all of you who say it is extremely selfish and it YOUR job to raise your children etc and you shouldn't need 'me' time away from the kids (BTW I DO agree it is your job to raise your kids but everyopne deserves a break)

What do your DH/DPs do?
What hours do they work?
What do they do around the house?

I am not trying to say poor me, but not everyone has the luxury of a partner who can do things around the house or family that help out.

DH is gone from 2am - 6pm everyday and 2am - around lunchtime-2pm on a saturday, he is in bed my 8pm so does nothing around the house or for the kids, I put my older two in daycare for 3 hrs P/W while I was going to DRs appointments, other than that I would come home and clean.

All our shops are closed during the week by 6pm - supermarket inc - and by lunchtime on weekends, so I do take my kids everywhere with me.
If I am selfish by wanting a measly 3 hrs P/W rest shoot me.
I do not take the place of working mums and have now pulled them out anyway.

Everyone situiation is different and the way I look at it YES it is our job to rae our kids but if I was working in an office I would at least get to knock off after 8 hrs rather than be on call for 24!! I think a couple of hours a week with a trusted Child Care centre is fine, if it works for you who cares?

may i ask where your partner works to be away for 16 hrs a day!!!??? :S



and i am prolly going to get shot for saying this, but i dont think it is 100% selfish. while i wont even have bub babysat by my own mother, i can understand why you want some time to yourself. i just wouldnt make it a weekly thing. maybe a day once a month, or for 3hrs a ftn.
being a stay at home mum is very exhausting. its a 24hr 7 day job, and its all unpaid, with very little recognition. while i myself chose to do it, and wouldnt change it, i can understand where you are coming from.
anyway, please dont shoot me everyone else... lol
[Edited on 24/06/2008]

Posted by: OmSsMyLiLmaNn
8months is too young for childcare u dont know how they will treat your baby.. your baby doesnt have a voice to tell u if hes mistreated,,,

This is one of my main concerns

A young child cannot tell you if they were left upset or fed when hungry or changed

I could not and will NEVER do that to my child. I would move heavan and earth to not have to send my child to daycare when he/she cannot tell me how their day was
[Edited on 25/06/2008]

Posted by: LockysMum

Posted by: OmSsMyLiLmaNn
8months is too young for childcare u dont know how they will treat your baby.. your baby doesnt have a voice to tell u if hes mistreated,,,

This is one of my main concerns

A young child cannot tell you if they were left upset or fed when hungry or changed

I could and will NEVER do that to my child. I would move heavan and earth to not have to send my child to daycare when he/she cannot tell me how their day was

I had the same concerns at 1st but luckily in my situation my younger sister is Brookes carer and the lady that looks after Lily is like a 'nan'.I feel 100% that my daughter is safe with her. If I was only 99% sure Lily would be at home.

Lily is one of those kids that avoids people who have upset her.
She still cries when she sees my brother after a scary Peek a Boo game...lol

I know she gets her food as quite a bit is smeared into her clothes. I know the food is good because my mums the cook.

I would know if something was wrong.

I think I might feel a bit different without the family connections. But in saying that I never knew about the daycare centre until my sister worked there. All the ladies there are lovely and it has excellent facilities and it would have been the one I would have chosen anyway.

Posted by: Eve75
Having 'me time' by putting a baby into daycare, is the definiton of selfishness. It seems many people want to have babies, but they don't necessarily want to be with them all of the time. Parenting is about sacrifices isn't it?

Everyone has days when they feel overwhelmed, but the truth is, babies sleep alot. This is the me-time everyone speaks about. Rent a movie out, invite friends over for a coffee. But to not want to spend one day every week with your baby so you can get nails done, I find that unbelievable.

Totally agree with this. You choose to bring your child into the world, therefore you choose to let go of your 'no children' days.

hi i will probably cop a lot for this but here goes

i am sick of reading / hearing not only on here but everywhere about parents who don't do this and that
I don't smack my kids
I dont send them to daycare
I don't feed them choc
I don't let them drink juice
I don't let them be kids basically is all i hear

yes there is a limit to what you should do but i believe that sending a child to daycare 1 day a week is any big deal... maybe she just wants to book her in for the full day then make her appointments for that day. Maybe she will only leave the child there for the couple of hours while at the cinema who knows.. only she does

Not everyones child sits in the pram and behaves for an hour while you get your nails done etc... my second especially hated the pram...

Not everyones husband looks after the kids either... mine won't - he has only in the last 4 months started takeing DS1 to his parents with him (he is 4.5) he will watch them while i have a shower etc but thats his limit

i think that is all

sorry its so long

Posted by: AMY n NIKKITA

Posted by: **~Jess~Mumof3~**
OK I am going to put this one oyt there and may be way off the mark.

BUT for all of you who say it is extremely selfish and it YOUR job to raise your children etc and you shouldn't need 'me' time away from the kids (BTW I DO agree it is your job to raise your kids but everyopne deserves a break)

What do your DH/DPs do?
What hours do they work?
What do they do around the house?

I am not trying to say poor me, but not everyone has the luxury of a partner who can do things around the house or family that help out.

DH is gone from 2am - 6pm everyday and 2am - around lunchtime-2pm on a saturday, he is in bed my 8pm so does nothing around the house or for the kids, I put my older two in daycare for 3 hrs P/W while I was going to DRs appointments, other than that I would come home and clean.

All our shops are closed during the week by 6pm - supermarket inc - and by lunchtime on weekends, so I do take my kids everywhere with me.
If I am selfish by wanting a measly 3 hrs P/W rest shoot me.
I do not take the place of working mums and have now pulled them out anyway.

Everyone situiation is different and the way I look at it YES it is our job to rae our kids but if I was working in an office I would at least get to knock off after 8 hrs rather than be on call for 24!! I think a couple of hours a week with a trusted Child Care centre is fine, if it works for you who cares?

may i ask where your partner works to be away for 16 hrs a day!!!??? :S



and i am prolly going to get shot for saying this, but i dont think it is 100% selfish. while i wont even have bub babysat by my own mother, i can understand why you want some time to yourself. i just wouldnt make it a weekly thing. maybe a day once a month, or for 3hrs a ftn.
being a stay at home mum is very exhausting. its a 24hr 7 day job, and its all unpaid, with very little recognition. while i myself chose to do it, and wouldnt change it, i can understand where you are coming from.
anyway, please dont shoot me everyone else... lol
[Edited on 24/06/2008]

He is a log truck driver.
My kids no longer go but they used to go 3hrs P/W at occassional care - thats all we have here and its only run for 10 hrs P/W - I started DS at 2 and DD when she was about 15mths as she wanted to stay, I used it when I was going to OB appointements as there could be up to a 2 hr wait + travel time, thats the onyl place I don';t take my kids, they come grocery shopping, haircuts, normal GP, Dentist, chiro, dinner etc and I do think they're well adjusted and well behaved in public even if they did have one morning a week in care!

I am not ashamed to admit I like 'me' time, but now its a monday when DS is at kinder and the girls are asleep!

Personally I probably wouldn't do it at 8 mths but only the OP knows her situation and her kids

Do people realise that there is people in certain situations who have no choice but to use daycare? Like single mothers etc.

Tannie

I think the issues it mother who put their kids in care for a break..

not people who need to put their kids in care to work.