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help being single is hard Lock Rss

hey everyone,

my name is emily and i'm 21yrs old i have 2 dds aaliyah will be 3 in dec and leyna will be 1 in jan.

their father and i split up emotionally over a year ago but physically 3mths ago i had another bf and we split 2 wks ago and i'm now finding it really hard being a single mum and providing the girls with what they need coz i'm starting to feel like a failure as a parent as aaliyah keeps running off and she won't listen and its hard.

anyway i would love to chat to other single parents coz i'm finding it so hard being one and i could do with some advice or even coping tactics.

cheers
m

[Edited on 26/09/2008]

Hi angelwings,

I'm not a single mum... so I can't talk from that perspective... though i can say that i have wanted to be one on the odd occasion!

I just wanted to tell you that while you are feeling down all the little things will make you feel worse... but they're nothing to feel bad about.

Your dd would be testing you with or without a partner... this i can say for certain because my dd is the same! It's not a reflection of you as a bad parent...

Have you got family that can help you out? Maybe you could get a night shift job and drop the kids at grandma's house while you work? is your ex helping out financially?

You may just need a little time to get back on your feet and you'll realise that you're actually a really good mum and doing the best job you can to take care of your girls.

Good Luck
smile J
i do have family that can help out but my sisters have kids of their own and my parents deserve to have their own life and already have my 15yr old neice living with them.

i wouldn't be able to work a night shift coz i'd end up falling asleep just like i do if i'm driving at night.

i've been to the CSA and they're taking child support payments out of his wages but i've only gotten child support once in 3mths so i'm not sure how it works or anything.

i feel bad for wanting to get a job coz i stayed at home with dd #1 until she was 1 then i went to TAFE and dd #2 is only 8mths old and i feel that if i was to get a job then i'd be letting her down coz i stayed at home with her sis for a full year.

Hi! My name is Hollie. I am 21 too and am also a single mum. I have been from the very begining so i may be able to help. look foward to talking:)

Hi Emily

I too are newly single, my partner and i split about 3 months ago to have some space but now i dont really see us ever getting back together as things arn't getting any better between us. Ive been finding it really hard on my own emotionally and financially, and i am also 6mths pregnant with out 2nd child which makes it even harder.

I like you think that when my wee boy plays up that it is a reflection of our family situation etc and it makes me feel really bad that our family is split up but im sure its just normal two year old behaviour, i have to stop and think sometimes to not be so hard on myself because i am probably doing a great job but sometimes it doesnt feel like it.

I also find it hard that all my friends are still with thier partners (which is great!) dont get me wrong but it seems like noone understands what im going through and it does get lonely and quite depressing, and i feel so bad for my wee boy that his daddy isnt living with him.

Its such a hard situation, i know we are better off now being on our own than having him here and living with all the stress that we were both under but there's still so much stress involved now and i sometimes wonder how i will cope with two little ones on my own.

Did you find it hard to meet new people being a single mum? does it really put other guys off? I wonder if ill ever meet mr right now! having two kids etc. I so want to one day get married and be happy but i wonder if it will ever happen!

Hollie i would love to talk about everything concerned with being a single mum.

i know how you feel cadesmum i too think that when dd#1 plays up its coz i'm a bad mum and stuff, i'm hoping to meet new ppl and i'd love to get married one day and even have another child or 2 i hope that it doesn't put guys off being a single mum i feel like i'll never meet anyone and i'll never get to have my dream wedding i mean i already have a dress but no one to marry maybe my sis will get married and she can use it.

anyway i'd love to chat to both of you.

cheers
m

i too an a single mum, i left ds dad when he was 6 moths old then not long after that i had a bf for a yeah and noe about 2 maybe 3 months ago we split up and singe them my ds has been so missbehaved and wont settle at night and its really gettin to the point where i just feel like packing his bags some weekends and sending him to his dad even tho he has nothing to do with him

so i think it is him pushin my boundries without having a male figure in his live, as my last partner was very good with controling him but now hes gone ds must think hey i can play up now

anyway im rambling
but just wanted to let you know ur ont alone oh forgot to add im 20 with 1 ds whos 2
Hi ladies

i'm a single mum as well
im 28 and have 2 wonderful little boys DS#1 3 1/2 yrs and DS#2 13months

i have been single since the day i found out i was preg with DS#2. life as a single mum is hard but its worth it.

my son played up alot after his dad walked out it was mainly coz he was scared that everyone else would leave like daddy did. all you can do is spend time with them and let them know you love them and wont leave them no matter what.

yes i still have my days where i would love to send ds#1 back to his father. but i dont think i would survive without either of my boys.

remember mums you have to do what you think is right for your family, dont let people or society guilt you into working or staying home if thats not what you wanna do.

take care of yourselves and your kiddies

xx
Shelley

Hey, i'm a 21 year old single mum too, my DD's dad left when i was 7 months pregnant and hasn't been around since. I will agree it is hard at times and would be harder when the kids knew their father before he left but us women can do anything. But there are definate good points to, you just have to keep an open mind. If you wanna chat (when you have time!) just pm me and i'd be glad to lend an ear and give you some advice if you want.

Little Miss 20months and Now Baking #2

Hiya,

I'm also a single mum, I couldn't be without my little boys they keep me going, its me and them now and I love it. Dont get me wrong some days its so hard, and some days I just don't want to be a Mum, but somehow you get through it. The kids will make you laugh by doing something funny or cute and that keeps you going gasp) Its very rewarding too - to be a single mum and I think alot of people are in awe of us and just how we do it. But as a previous poster said - woman are amazing, somehow we cope. Keep up your good work, and just remember it won't always be like this. As the kids get older and more independant it will slowly get easier gasp) (((( Big hugs )))) cause I know how hard it is too be newly single ....

Hi,

I left my ex in July after almost 4 years together, almost 3 years married. I've been crying nearly every day since, lol, not realising how hard things are on your own.

My ex depleted all the self-confidence I had so up until now, I've been feeling like Ive ruined Henrys life, my own life and my ex's life.... but I realised that was him doing that. He was telling me all these things and he was still controlling me in every way but making me believe that I was still worthless.

It was a good slap across the face from mum telling me to stop being so F&^#ing stupid and realise what an amazing person I was that made me realise what he was doing to me.

It's so hard being on my own. I feel like I am imposing on poeple when we visit or when I ask my sister to have Henry. When I left my ex, we stayed with my sister while I worked and I think we overstepped our welcome for a while there.

And as for trying to meet new people, HAHAHAHAHA That's a fantasy I seem to have running thru my head. I know it'll get easier once we get organised but right now, its really hard!!!


I work in Aged Care, there are no open spots in the daycare I need Henry to be in so right now, I get to sit at home every day, except today, (Henry goes to daycare 4 days a week and I don't want to give up those spots because I wont get them back) on my own and clean (not thats there is much, only a small unit) and apply for normal 9-5 jobs...

You would think centrelink would be doing everything they could to get me off my single parent benefits and into a job I can do, but they;re not....I dont need to go back to work til Henrys 7.... thats fine if thats what you wanna do, but you'd think that if single parents WANT to work, someone would help to get you back to work!!!

ANyways, I'll stop ranting.... lol.

Thanks for reading, Liz xoxox

Liz, 28, DF, 29. Henry- 18/10/2006, Faith 5/6/2013, Peanut being induced 21/10/2014.

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