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Lost sex drive. Lock Rss

Im a new mum to a 6 month baby boy and ever since he was born i have lost my sex drive, i just dont ever feel like sex or fooling around with my partner and its causing problems between us.
I first thought it would come back once my son slept through the night but he still wakes at 3.30am.
If anyone has gone through this or has any advise i would really appreciate it.
Thanks.
Laura.
Hi Laura
I'm in the same boat as you - DD is just over 5 months. My partner tries not to put the pressure on but I feel like lately it is causing a bit of tension between us - I've even tried the whole getting DD a babysitter for the night and going out for a nice dinner but to be honest I just worried about her the whole night and was too tired by the time we got home anyway. I have a friend with a 12 month old that was in the same boat and said that eventually it will come back but I'm sick of waiting!!! lol So like you I would really appreciate any advice smile

Ashlee
Hiya girls,

There would have been so much change in your relationship dynamics between the both of you as well as having a new baby regadless if it is your first or fifth! A young child is very demanding on time and energy, sleep is often the thing that does get sacrificed. Sometimes you just want you body to be your own and have no-one touch it as your personal space and can be so precious.

Hope that helps somewhat and don't feel guilty about not having sex, hormones are still up and down as well as the demands on your time and body.
I dont want to freak you out but DD is 2 years old and I STILL haven't got it back!! I saw on Dr Phil that it could actually be a lack of a chemical thing in your body, which is more likely to occur after having children. Not sure if this is true but I would might ask my gp next time. DP is pretty good but I know it frustrates the hell out of him.
The only thing I've found is recently I brought an audiobook of erotic stories online. I listen to one of these before bed (while doing dishes or something) on my ipod and it actually gets me in the mood!
I know it's really hard when you've got a little one waking up a lot too. I just try to change my thinking as seeing sex as just another chore. I really do feel sorry for DP when I'm constantly saying no!

Hey girls
thank you for ur advise.. Just knowing im not the only woman in this situation makes me feel less alone then i did before.
My boy is teething and hopefully once his teeth have broken through n sleeping through the night i would be more relaxed and i would go back to normal.

So thankss everyone for your post

Cheers
I know how you feel.....my 9 month old wakes between 3-7 times per night, and I'm still expected to feel like sex.

If you find a miracle cure, let me know!
Posted by: Cheekybub
I dont want to freak you out but DD is 2 years old and I STILL haven't got it back!!


Me too! I am up to number three currently brewing and in fact its amazing I am pregnant at all! Seriously, once we went almost 5 MONTHS or was it 6 without doing it. I am soooooo tired all the time. I breastfed both my girls (3.5 and 19months) both up until I got pregnant again, 14 and 16 months when I stopped.

Its a hard job being a mum, and like you my girls never slept through consistantly until they reached 1, my 19 month old still wakes me up at least twice a night. If its not her its my 3.5yr old! I had 9.5hrs of straight sleep one night last week and that was the first time in probably around 2 years!

I have tried to explain to DH that it is one thing after another, I get emotional, physical and mental demands on me all day and at night I just feel like me time. As he doesnt really spend a lot of time with me when he comes up to me and starts giving me a hug or a kiss its immediately (great - now HE wants sex!) going through my head.

I have tried to explain to him that if he tried to show me some affection without it leading to sex all the time he may be surprised at the results! To me it just feels like yet another person wanting me for my body and not wanting me just for me. Sounds harsh I know, but thats how I feel.

Its not forever, and I suppose I too will get my mojo back, but I am definatley getting my hormones checked out once this baby is older if things havent changed.

Sleep deprivation plays a BIG part, don't underestimate the affect it has.

Girls - I hear you loud and clear! In fact the very first time we did have sex after our first DS was born was when I fell pregnant with our identical twin boys! Hence we ended up with 3 boys under the age of 14mths! Sex? That got me here in the first place! Anyhow 7.5 years later we had a surprise in the form of a princess. Yes as time goes on it does get easier. Sex is more about the emotional side for women and the need to feel like a women - not a mum. Mentally if you can get into a good train of thought then it does make it easier. I always found I was the one wanting it but it was when all the kids were down for their day sleeps and my mind and body just went 'aahh', but of course DH was at work by then! By the time he walked in the last think i wanted was someone else hanging off my boobs! As you get older too [into mid 30's] you become a lot more relaxed and accepting of your body and of whats important - that is your husband needs as well as your own. You are a little more responsive to their advances and they also start to realize that even a little thing like hanging the washing on the line or bathing the baby will get them sex later that night! Took my husband until this baby to realize that though.

As he doesnt really spend a lot of time with me when he comes up to me and starts giving me a hug or a kiss its immediately (great - now HE wants sex!) going through my head.

I have tried to explain to him that if he tried to show me some affection without it leading to sex all the time he may be surprised at the results! To me it just feels like yet another person wanting me for my body and not wanting me just for me. Sounds harsh I know, but thats how I feel.


I feel the same moggyluva09. Everytime Hubby hugs or kisses me I keep thinking "I don't feel like it tonight" He probably doesn't want to do it everytime he tries to kiss or hug me but I feel if I respond too much, he'll think I want it and I don't want to have to say no. I hate saying no all the time.

I also don't want to become one of those couples where the husband always complains he doesn't get enough sex.
[quote post="2285193" name="moggyluva09"][b]moggyluva09 wrote[/b]:
Posted by: Cheekybub
I dont want to freak you out but DD is 2 years old and I STILL haven't got it back!!

Me three......nothing... not interested at all...about two years. I have recently had a girl but that sex was just to get pregnant and I felt secretly aweful the times we tried. Since basically nothing... and now with 3.5yr old and 4 month old...nothing still...I obviously have done it, but under pressure and just go through the motion hoping it will be over soon. I feel so bad about it...as I remember not feeling this way and things are so different now. Unfortunatly it has caused more than tention between us. I have tried to talk to him but to no avail.
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