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anyone change their minds? Lock Rss

Ok before i start don't get me wrong i love my DD more than anything and feel really guilty for this post but i gotta get it off my chest.

My DD is 6weeks old on monday and i have just reached a point where i want my old life back, i wanna go out with my girls and dance all night, go out and celebrate my recent engagement with my DP, just be like i was before i was a mum. Even just share a quiet night with my man without a stressful screamfest comin from our baby.

If anyone has read my other posts in the newborn section u'll know that we have been having heaps of sleeping problems with Olivia which probably doesnt help.

She was a surprise pregnancy and i am counted as a younger mum (23) but my mother was my age wen she had me and my grandmother my age wen she had my mother, so i see that as not too young at all.

Is it normal to suddenly just want the old life back, u know put the baby back and wait a couple years?

Yes, I would say it's normal smile

What really counts is what you do with those feelings - like being careful not to let it build into resentment, not becoming bitter etc. Especially when your pregnancy wasn't planned, it can feel like that freedom and everything that goes with it was all taken from you, that you didn't really have a say (even though you are the one that did the deed so to speak lol).

I can sympathise! I am 22 now (23 next month), have been married 3 years and have two sons, aged 27 months and 9 months. My first pregnancy wasn't planned, we wanted kids and everything but just a little later might have been good.

My husband has just turned 26, and he has always worked really long hours but now, unlike before, he doesn't have extra money to show for it! Most of his friends are married, and we hang out with them a bit - I get along well with them and with their wives, we are all good friends. But they don't have kids, and the difference that makes is, they all do stuff together without us, and build on their friendships without us; when we all catch up, they have shared experiences to talk about which don't include us. And that's ok, we don't have to be a part of everything, but we feel very much on the outer sometimes. As for my friends, they are all living normal 22 year old lives, working, going out, dating, having fun... and I don't have a group of friends anymore. I still have friends... but don't hang out with them much. And when I do, I can't really talk with them like I used to because I am always treated like I'm different.

In summing up! I think many of us feel that way at some point, and it's very normal to miss that past life, even just aspects of it. You do make sacrifices for your children, it comes at a very big cost. It's part of the adjustment, and it does get better with time.
I think it's normal. Especially when you've just had your first. It's a HUGE adjustment to make. I think you can also have these thoughts when things are a little harder. For example your DD isn't sleeping well and I'm sure you can remember quite clearly when you could sleep all night uninterupted!!

But when it comes down to it, you really would never change not having your DD and as she grows and develops you'll love her more and more each day. My DS didn't sleep well between 3 and 8 mths of age and even if I had zilch sleep the night before, when he smiled at me the next morning, it was all forgotten.
oh my god... you have no idea how much of a comfort this post is to me!!!
I have had such the downer week!!
My ds is now 9 months old.... and i have only just relised how much i have drifted from all my friends! a few of them fell away while i ws pregnt....(im only 23, got married a few months ago, my DS is now 9 months, and as much as i love him he was not really planed)...which as me and my DH were rather out there party people it didnt surpsrise me that some of them drifted when we couldnt go out as much anymore.
but wat has got me down is that the lifes of my other friends seem to have gone on with out me. When DS was reall young i used to love listening to there stories about the nyts out and the new guys and everything and then going home and snugling up with my new baby!!
but over the months things seem to have changed, and now that i feel that nate is older and i can have the od night out with the girls, i seem to have sliped off to the side, someone to catch up with over lunch but not to include/invite to this concert or night out anymore!!!
and it sucks, i feel like im missing out, and so missing that life!!! think i always told my self that id kind of have it back when nate was older and dad was more confident!! and now iv just noticed im not really a part of it anymore, im not in anyof the stories or photos....im just the married friend with the baby that cant come out anymore...when did this happen??!!
Wow Kazz thank god u posted, we seem pretty similar.

Its scarey isnt it. I know the "me" 2yrs ago wouldnt have ever even thought of this life.

The "me" 2yrs ago was the one who broke her ribs in mosh pits and hosted week long parties in her backyard, you know? And go out one day, come home 3days later.

Sometimes i can here that "me" in the back of my head, laughing at me i think, or wondering wat the hell has happened here smile

hi girls,
these feelings r so normal, i think at some point every woman who has a baby finds themselves asking whether its all worth it or not? at the end of the day though i no i would rather have my beautiful bub then go out with friends etc.
but i admit im guilty of haveing these thoughts/feelings aswel.
u guys r young, im younger lol! im 19, fell pregnant when i was 18. lily wasnt planned and it took me such a long time to accept the pregnancy. for about 6 months i was so depressed wondering if i had ruined my life, or if i would continue having a life after bub?
i never had many friends prior to falling pregnant, but the ones i kept were never that close to me. i found when i was preg i was the one making the effort to see the girls, etc, and the only time they would msg me was to ask when bub was due. when bub finally was due they visited once, and i have not heard from them since lol!!! hey its their loss..i have a great family so who needs them??? ok, sometimes i do:(
i find with me, the only thing holding me back from living is.. me.
i distance myself from the world because atm im feeling fat, ugly, etc.
when i get my act together im going to get the confidence and join a young mothers group. that way i can meet other new mums that r in the same boat as i am. i think this is a good idea for u girls to, gives u a chance to meet girls like u! but make sure its a specified young mums group..i cant think of anything worse than sitting around a group of 30 year olds!
Yes, miss_e, joining a mums group is a great idea. My mums group was great. Having a bub for the first time is hard. Most of the time we do get together with our babies but we sometimes get together in the evening at someone's house or go to dinner somewhere and leave bubs with dad!!!

I know some people who make life long friend with someone they met in mums group. They also understand what you're going through.

Btw, there's nothing wrong with 30 year olds! It's okay to have a baby at any age!
[Edited on 19/04/2009]
Posted by: chntlrose
Btw, there's nothing wrong with 30 year olds! It's okay to have a baby at any age!
[Edited on 19/04/2009]



no of course not!!! sorry i didnt mean it like that at all!
i just meant i think younger girls would have more in common with girls their own age rather than jumping into a group where you're the only young one iykwim? soz i didnt mean there was something wrong with having children when you're 30..i think 30s a great age to have children i wish i was 30 lol
Give yourself a break!! Your baby is only 6 weeks that is such a short time to adjust to such a huge change in ur life.
It is completely normal to feel the way you do.

I am also 23 and ds was an unplanned pregnancay, which both me and dp were not ready for.
I felt like giving up ds in the early months, wishing I could just escape everyday and wanting the relationship I had with dp back to the way it was.

6 months later and I wouldnt change him for the world. I have accepted that this is my duty now and will worry about the freedom I once had as an independent self reliant woman in the future.

Having a baby does not mean that u are trapped and bound to this tiny being for the rest of ur life. They grow they become self reliant and while u will never have ur old life back, u will have a new life that can be just as enjoyable.

In the meantime there are things that u could do to give urself a break from the stressfulness, ds was very colicky for a couple of months so I can understand the screaming baby and just wanting to give up!!
If it is possible get a family member to either stay over adn help out or take dd for a while, give u some rest and some time away.
I havent read ur posts on ur dds sleeping issues but if it is still a problem and u cant find a solution why dont u try a sleep school? anything is worth a try to get a bit of ur life back!

I hope some of this has made u feel better and dont be so hard on urself, dont feel guilty it is very normal to feel that way, it wont be forever.
good luck with olivia hope it gets better for you soon. xx
hi
i havent read the other posts and i also havent read about your sleep problems but i just wanted to say that everything you are feeling is totally normal.

My baby is 16 months old and i still have days where i feel this way.

Becoming a parent is a huge shock to the system in every aspect. Physically, mentally, emotionally, financially.
Anyone who says that having a baby doesnt drastically change their life is either lying, or in denial.

At 6 weeks old your baby is brand new. things are tough. They dont sleep in a set pattern, feeding can be a struggle, colic, reflux, all kinds of things can play a part. But it does get easier....well actually, maybe not easier but you get used to it! Just when you think you've got it all worked out, they will up and change on you.

I miss my friends, going out and partying, being able to up and leave whenever i want, my body, having nice boobs LOL there is a lot i miss.

The important thing to remember is that everyone feels this way, just no one talks about it. Everyone feels isolated, lonely, like a different person. Sleep deprived, ugly, emotional and drained. Its part of being a parent.

But believe me when i say it is worth it and with time, you will come to accept it and grow to love it more each day. parenting doesnt always come naturally. i know it didnt for me! it is something you have to learn and adapt to and grow from. And you will look back in a few years time and wish you could have these early days back

take care, try to relax and just ride the roller coaster - it really does go too quick!
i forgot to add to my novel, that i too am 23. i gave birth the day before my 23rd bday so we are the same age.

any my other piece of advice is to get out and start doing things with your baby asap.
it can be daunting at first but the more you do it, the easier it gets.
i do lots of activities, most days of the week (especially now my daughter is an active toddler) and it is great for the babies but it is also a fantastic outlet for the parents.

you need to be able to talk and share stories and play group, ABA meetings, library groups, music activites etc, days at the park are all great ways to get out of the house and feel a little more normal smile
i know all to well how you feel... i feel exactly the same!

im also 23 this year and have a 5mth old ds who was not planned and although i really embraced motherhood when i first had him i now am starting to get to the point were i wish i could go back!

im recently engaged and want to be excited about that and organise our wedding but i cant even get motivated about that! i do agree though that i only feel this way when things are hard. ds is teething atm and has gone from waking twice through the night to every 1-3hrs! he has also just started crawling and so he wants to be entertained all the time or he will create mischief. when we do have a good day i feel so guilty about the bad days and think to myself how could i ever have been mad at him?

i hope the other posts are right and it does get better because i really want to enjoy motherhood but at the moment i just want to go back to work full time!
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