Huggies Forum

MAJOR VENT Lock Rss

Good morning.

I hopefully am not alone in feeling like this.

Why is it that just because we are the ones who brought children into the world we are supposed to know better than the father of the child what to do with them.

We are thrown into a world of morning sickness stretch marks and weight gain always thinking that the light at the end of the tunnel is that 9month point.

Then once that is over we are put through the most excruciating pain (in my case 13hrs of it...induced) and just handed this baby with no idea what to do, no chance to rest or recover before we are on call 24/7 on a job we have no idea wat to do.

And then the fathers of these children stand back not even bothering to try to figure out wat to do. You try to get him to feed the baby but the second she fusses or whinges he looks to you to take her off him and fix it.

The one night you decide to go out after only having 5 broken hour away from the baby in 3months to leave him looking after you he decides to pick a fight with you before you can get ready completely wrecking your night so you stay at home.

And really its because you dont trust him to look after the baby because he has proved himself completely incompetent. So you're gonna be forever trapped looking after this baby and never have a life of your own.

So numbers games are all that cheer you up

5 : hours i have been away from DD
4 : nappies DP has changed in 3months
3 : hours sleep is the most i get at a time
2 : feeds DP does for DD per week
1 : full night sleep in 3months
0 : amount of patience i have left

OMG that is me all ova, i fully understand wot u r goin through, i left my partner and he still thinks he has done nothing wrong! Bub didnt start sleepin through till she was 9 mths n only twice did he get up to her becasue i was to tired to wake up n didnt hear her!

And because bub is old enuf i now hav her in day care 1 day a week so i hav me time!

Hope things get betta for you, stay strong things do get betta!
You know what, my DH never fed any of our babies, very very rarely changed a nappy, never got up through the night, never looked after them while I went out even to do the grocery shopping, Why? Because he is never home!

He works away most nights a week and on the days he does come home he is home at 6pm, in bed by 8pm and gone by 2am, he would change everyhing if he could but he can't but he is the best father I could wish for for my kids.

Can I just ask when he does try and feed bubs or help out where are you? Do you watch him etc?
My DH will do these things if I ask and he is around BUT it took me a long time to realise he just wasn't confident, it took until #3 for him to gain a little confidence and even still he will not bath any baby, maybe just try with the little thing first and let him know you have faith in him to do it, don't hover around just let him be
Ok so as u can all see i was a lil emotional wen i put that one up.

Like ur situation (sorry dont know ur name and dont wanna refer to u as "monkey lady") DP gets up for work at 3, leaves at 4am, and doesnt get back till 5pm the falls asleep on the lounge round 8. and its just unfair wen u wait all day lookin at the clock counting down til they come home and then he just crashes out on the lounge.


Then after posting that yesterday i spoke with a few girlfriends and my dad (he counts as a girlfriend) i came to a few remedies for my maladies so to speak.

Obviously he is struggling and gettin mad at him wont help and if i want him to help so that he gets the confidence to be able to look after her then he is not the type that you can throw in the deep end.

So now i wait until she is really hungry before i ask him to feed her so she doesnt fuss so much. I ask him to change nappies but dont ask wen i know it will be a really foul one or she is really cranky.

Also i am now practising CC, not with DD but with DP. i usually know wen she is about to wake up so 5mins before she wakes up crying i make myself busy, dishes, cooking wateva. Then wen she wakes up, sorry i am busy, and i just pretend not to notice.

The first time i waited 4mins then went and settled bub myself...the second time it got to 5mins and DP got off the lounge to settle her...the third time she whinged for bout a min and DP saw i was washing up so he just got up to get her.

Dont get me wrong bub was ok, just grizzly.

Also not just dumpin bub on him and goin out to a party for hrs at night and just slowly leaving him with her during the day building up the hrs and wateva.

Mind u i told him that he is lucky he gets this bloody cotton wool treatment cos i never got that i was just told to suck it up and get on with it...

So we will see how this plan goes...wat do u reckon?

I was coming back to check this thread, I was also a little cranky when I replied and hoped my reply wasn't too b itchy!
I just find on here a lot people whinging about the their DHs and not realising how good they have it and I was having a praticularly crappy day!!! lol


Sounds like he is doing well with her now, start off small, my DH loves his kids but was never hands on with babys, he would be happy to put them in the boucer and rock them like that than hold them, was just never confident with little babies, it took til I had #3 for him to hold a baby while I was doing stuff with the others!!!

Keep doing what you are doing, he will gain confidence, somedays if you have alot to do say to him, you can either feed bubs or do the dishes things like that and let him know he is appreciated - though I am sure you probably don't always feel appreciated!!!
Your post honestly bought me to tears...and i dont cry easily! You explained the exact way i felt when my bub was around 3 months old..you look past everything and spot the one thing that makes u feel like crap, which in this case is your partner not doing anything. Yes he goes to work all day every day, but so do you, your work never ends. And in the tired, exhausted state that you are in, i dont blame you for feeling that way. Personally, i cried every night and day for four months..i counted down the minutes until my husband came home from work, only to be dissapointed when he went straight to sleep..i couldnt see that he was tired, all i could see was that he wasnt helping. My bub is 7 months and my husband still wont change his nappy unless he is begged, he barely ever feeds him and he still comes home and doesnt help..but i've gotten used to it, i get full nights sleep and im not exhausted anymore so it doesnt bother me anymore..it will get better for you, and i do hope you guys can sort through it and he can maybe help you abit more..
its all different here dh has been hands on since day 1 changing nappies baths etc everything .I bottle fed and he would do the friday and saturday nights all the time. To this this day dh usually gets showers organised, clips nails and hair.I admit I get it easy and am spoilt

mum of 3 boys aged 11, 13 and 14

My husband didn't really start helping out a lot until we had bub #2. DS1 was 18 months old when DS2 was born, and there have been a few problems with DS2's health - he's been in hospital quite a bit and I've stayed with him (he is still a baby). I think when that happened for the first time, my husband realised all the things that actually need to be done and started to appreciate my job of stay at home mum a bit more - it was then he started helping out more around the house, as well as with the boys.

He works 120 hours per fortnight, so he isn't home much - I appreciate that he gets tired, and doesn't have much time outside of work and sleep. He looks after the boys in the mornings if they're awake before he goes to work (which is most mornings - he leaves at 6:45) and entertains them while I cook dinner in the evenings. I get him to feed the baby if I am busy, but if I'm organised I feed him. I also bath them, then get them both organised and in bed. It used to bother me that my evenings were so busy, while DH would just sit and watch TV - but it doesn't bother me anymore, because he does help me out at other times. He needs some time to relax, so if he helps me out before dinner I'm happy to give him that time afterwards. I think knowing I'm appreciated makes the biggest difference - I didn't used to feel appreciated, but in the last year or so my husband seems to have really gained an understanding of what I do, and I just feel like he acknowledges that things are sometimes hard for me too. I've always tried to appreciate him as well - he works long and hard to provide for us, so that I can be home with the kids (which is what we both wanted for them) and he has also been happy for me to pursue my studies, so I didn't have to give up my career dreams. And then when he says encouraging and supportive things to me, like what a good job I'm doing, or what a good wife I am, it makes me feel great and affirms for me that our family, and our relationship, are flourishing because we are both working hard for the same purpose.

You need to remind yourselves that you're on the same side - you don't want each other to fail, because if one fails then you both fail. It gets easier with time - your bub won't always be so dependent, and you will have time to yourself one day. It's just so hard in the meantime, and a little understanding can go a very long way.
here's a numbers game for you

5 the amount of hours sleep i normlly get
4 the number of tantrums i get in one day from my toddler
3 the total amount of times we argue in a day (approx)
2 the number of kids we have
1 the times i have gone for a massage and still got txts during it asking me how to do things etc
0 times that i have ahd a childless break of more than 5 min

My DH works away 2/1 roster. I spend all day juggling a 2 yr old and a 7 month old. I rarely have time to myself when he's home. And he has the gaul to tell me how to raise our kids! Men I find take a backseat in the child handling department until they are around 5/6 months. Something about being breakable and unable to return to sender.

Just a few wordds for you

Don't worry things will get better!!

oh i like this numbers game

6: the number of times DD woke me last night
5:The number of times i've felt like slapping my DH today
4:The number of times my DD DID slap me today!
3:The number of loads of washing i have done today
2:The number of minutes my DH has been home today
1:The number of children i have - and let me tell you she's a good contraceptive!
0:The amount of patience i have left by the time she finally falls asleep!
hehehe I like the number game too!!

5, the number of times I wanted to smack my 2 yr old today (and I'm having a good day lol)
4, the amount of times my kids tell they're hungry between meals
3, the amount of children I have
2, the amount of minutes I get to eat my meals
1, how many children I should've had lol.


I think we all feel like that from time to time. Becoming a mother is one of the most difficult and tiring things you can ever do, you need to do nice things for yourself and look after yourself. Give your Dh some time to adjust, I know my DH is kind of afraid of babies (and not much help) but he is awesome when it comes to toddlers and older kids, he makes up for it then! Talk to your DH so he know exactly how you feel. Once you start to have some more sleep you will feel alot better about things too! good luck!! xoxoxo

Lol I'd almost think we had the same kids Cherry... your numbers 5, 4 and 2 (actually maybe 1 as well lol) sound familiar!


hehe

5 - times my 2 yr old woke me up last night
4 - times I've taken the kids out this week
3 - coffees I consume on a good day
2 - hours til my husband gets home
1 - powerball! Lol
0 - dishes I've done today
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