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  5. how do i get him to help?????!

how do i get him to help?????! Lock Rss

My partner is an awsome guy i love him to bits, but he just wont help with our baby. At first i thought he was scared he might hurt her in some way, she was so tiny (only 5pounds at birth). I struggled breast feeding her in the first month, it was sooooo hard, i was sore, tired, and moody and my partner didnt help much as he didnt know what to do. At the time i understood, so i did everything myself. Now our baby is going into her 3rd mnth and yep, im still doing everything myself. Night time is the hardest time for me, she still gets up every 3-4 hours needing to be feed, i look over at my partner hopeing he'll offer to bring her wind up but no, he rolls over and goes back to sleep. If i ask him to change her nappy, he replies with "but she doesnt like me changing her nappy, you do it" and before i can say anything he walks away. Im at the point were im getting annoyed with my baby and when ever she cries i get angry, i know its not her fault and i feel really guilty for feeling this way towards her. I've tried to talk to him and tell him how i feel and he always says he'll try to do more but im not seeing it. If you have any ideas please send them my way, im desperate.

1st baby

I think that maybe you could put bubby to bed and leave her for a couple of hours that way you get a break and he doesn't really have to look after her. if you know what I mean.

I dont really know what to say about the help thing. My hubby is good sometimes and at others I could queit easily kick him.

But for your own sanity have a break

Mum to 5 amazing gifts from God. 3 girls 2 boys

maybe your partner just needs to build up his confidence abit, explain to him that the baby will never get used to him doing things if he is not consistent in helping out and also point out that he is missing out on valuable bonding time with his daughter.
Maybe you could get him to start bathing your baby, my partner has done this right from the start and they both enjoy it, also it might be hard but unless the baby is in danger try not to tell your partner how to do everything, we learn by muddling through and they need to as well, men hate feeling like they don't know how to do something so for most of them if they get criticised to much they will just give up and let you do it yourself your way.
Also maybe you could ease him into the nappy changing and just ask him to help you, pass you things etc hopefully if he watches you doing it he will feel more confident himself.
Hope some of these suggestions help.

mum to two gorgeous guys

If parners are there they so need to help..otherwise we go nuts..I can't remeber who said it but I could quite easliy kick my hubby sometimes too..mostly as the solution or need at the time is staring them in the face..I have three boys and my little way of sneaking in daddy time is getting him to bath (doesn't happen all the time)..generally bubs love their bath so he will have no excuse that she is not happy!! set him up with the towel, nappy, suit as much as I love him my hubby is useless at it when he changes poo and doesn't get the wipes out first!!...even if he does the bathing bit and you then dress her..and slowly over a few days be very busy so that he has to do the lot..he will get used to is so important..i would be a basket case without it!!

Jo, WA, 3 Great Boys, 7rs, 21mo, 6mo

hi cara-may, I agree with all these ladies and personally I think that he just needs a kick up the bum. Because you did everything from the start he is just counting on you to keep on going.
My partner was exactly the same, I'm not saying that he is perfect now, we still have our moments where he will try to get out of it and this is 2 kids later, he has come a long way for someone that has never been around kids and also being an only child. You just have to be firm with him and consistent for your own sanity. The golden rule and I've only just found this out to be kind to yourself and look after yourself, so get onto him, I understand if he has his issues but come on you are new to this too....there is just no excuse not to help. You have a lovely week and I hope that all works out for you, bubba and your hubby. Dont be so hard on yourself, you are a fantastic mum and you are doing a great job, don't ever feel guilty about how you are feeling, we all feel this way from time to time. You just take care of yourself and keep positive.

lil'' angels

trust me when i say i win on all fronts. my partner and i have known each other for years but had only been dating for 2 months when we got pregnant unexpectedly - i was on the pill. and he didnt want to becme a dad so young. i dont even ask any more. i just do it all myself. if i ask for help i dont get it very often and if i dont ask he gets shitty that im doing everything!!!! i always get "this is the life you chose for us" or the other day we were going out somewhere and he kept going on about me hurrying up. i had to get myself ready and then bubs ready and said to him that he could get the bottles ready and pack his bag then he would nt have to wait so long, plus all he was doing was sitting on the couch waiting for us and he comes out with "i could, but im not going to, just hurry up"!!!! i was fuming but couldnt even be bothered to retaliate. i just dont have the energy anymore. we love each other t iecces but he would rather sit around looking up things on the internet or working on his car than spend quality time with me!!! alex is also an extremely well behaved baby, however daddy is always complaining that he s annoying and that it stresses him out too mucH. WHAT STRESSES HIM OUT???? I DO ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING FOR ALL THREE OF US.... i cook, clean, read stories, feed bubba, d the washing and the dishes, go to work every so often, do the shopping. what could possibl stress him out??? ANYONE


This is really sneaky but works an absolute treat with my hubby... he doesn't mind helping me around the house and with DS but its more that he just doesn't know what needs to be done when ( i solved this by putting a 'to do' list on the fridge 'for myself')... anyway...

I read this tip somewhere ages ago and works wonderfully on my hubby...

If you want your partner to do something, you first compliment and thank him on something he did and then ask him to do something else...

Eg. "Honey, thank you for taking out the rubbish earlier, I really appreciated it...(while he's feeling chuffed with himself)... Honey, could you help me with the dishes please? It would really help me a lot,' I am amazed how well this works with my hubby and my brother in law...

I know, sounds like a suck job, but a lot of men NEED to feel appreciated and like Heroes...women just seem to sigh and get on with it regardless of whether we are thanked or not. Bit like men are ALWAYS sicker when they get the cold that you had!

Jade, QLD, DS Sept 04, #2 due 06/08/07

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