Huggies Forum

I feel like a horrible mum Lock Rss

This is really hard for me to say and I hate to say it but I need to let it out.
Ok here goes, I think my 2 little girls would be better off in daycare, I feel like I cant give them the attention they need and I find that I am yelling at them all the time, I dont want to but latley everything they do just really frustrates me and I just snap. My 4yr old is the worst, she has an undiagonised hearing problem (wont go into it) but she will ask me something and wont hear when I answer her so she keeps repeating herself until i snap and yell at her to be quiet I feel so bad about it but I cant help it, she also knows how to push my buttons so will be naughty, she does pretty much what she likes and if I tell her she cant have something she goes and gets it anyway and her 19 month old sister copies everything, I usually end up yelling at them but now the yelling is just normal and they just ignore it. This afternoon I was crying because I couldnt handle them and they wernt even being naughty, just being annoying to me, my hubby is no help, if he sees I'm stressed he either ignores it cos he doesnt want to deal with winging kids or he ends up yelling at them and making them cry which makes it a whole lot worse for me. we had a weekend away last weekend which was good but when we got home it was all back to normal, I hate being like this and I dont know what to do, I feel like such a bad mother/person and I feel like my kids are suffering for it and hate what I'm doing but I cant make it any better. Now I'm crying again.

2 little darlings 29/01/03 + 17/03/05

I know exactly what you're feeling! I think you might find a lot of stay at home mums feel this way from time to time. I used to constantly feel that way and would get really upset because I wasn't the mum that I wanted to be.

I've worked out that the times when things really get bad are when I'm so busy doing things for every one else and nothing for me. Things like going out of my way to let my MIL see the kids when it suits her and not me, or visiting my mum at her house because she prefers me to come to her, even though its really not child friendly, oh and of course there's having the kids all day Saturday so hubby can sleep in and then go play cricket.

If this is the same for you, you need to take time for yourself. If you can, put the kids in daycare once a week (I'm seriously considering this) or try and get someone to take them off your hands regularly.

I found that being extremely organised works for me. A lot of the problems I had were because I hadn't thought about what was for lunch or dinner, and the kids were yelling for food and I was yelling at them to wait. Now I try and plan my days, get my dinner in the slow cooker while play school's on, make lunch while they're playing play-doh. Things like that. It's really helped me. If I know what's going on for the day then I can use the times when the girls are happily playing to get things done so that I have the time later to play with them, and have the time to properly disipline.

I hope this helps and I really hope it's just a bad patch that you're going through. Just know that you are certainly not the only one out there who feels this way!
we all feel like this at times maybe they could into care 1 or 2 times a week its certainly a sanity saver.

mum of 3 boys aged 11, 13 and 14

hi,

i used to feel exactly the same way. i no longer feel this way as i have put my 3 kids in day care and have started doing a course just for me!!! i know it sounds selfish but at times you just have to put yourself first.

since i have done this i feel i can cope a lot better when the kids are screaming at me or each other.

my partner was just like your hubby. the way i got him to start helping me deal with the kids when i needed help was to just walk out of the room that they were in and then he realised that i couldn't deal with them so he did.

this may or may not work for you but it has helped me.

where do you live? have you tried finding a playgroup so your kids are playing with others?

if you live close by i would like to meet with you so you can have someone to talk to.

hope this helps

good luck

danielle

I went through the exact same thing. I hated the person I was becoming, yelling all the time. I would look at my girls and my husband and Know that I loved them, but all I felt was frustration. I went to the dr and was diagnosed with pnd, and went on anti deppressants for 6 months. I am not saying that is for everyone, just that it worked for me. It turns out I had been suffering it mildly since my 3 year old was born, so when my younger one was born it really kicked in. And it was the older one that took the brunt of my frustration. I get teary just thinking about it. When I went on the medication, I also joined 2 playgroups and started the older one doing eurythmics (there are two completely deaf girls in Lillys class, and they love it). I find she is at that age when she gets naughty when bored. Money is really tight in our house while I am at home, or I would take her to swim lessons and music too. I had already had her in childcare for 1 day a week, so i increased that for a month until I started to feel myself again and could cope. I didnt feel guilty because she loved it, and they gave her more positive attention than I was capable of giving her at the time. Once I was feeling better she went down to 1 day a week again. Now my younger one is almost 10 months we are getting ready to send her on the same day. Yay, a whole 7 hours to myself... in a row!!!! I also discovered the flylady website. It has helped me establish routines one babystep at a time and has been a lifesaver. My home isnt perfect, but I am not ashamed of it if people rock up unexpectedly. I dont spend hours cleaning it either as I like to play with my girls as much as I can in between outings smile
I still get frustrated at times, I mean lets face it, we have the hardest job in the world and our partners can sometimes be more like another child to look after, lol, but it is always for a reason now, and Lilly is much better behaved now she knows where she stands.

Hang in there, you are not alone, and you are not a bad parent.

To anyone considering daycare for a day a week for some time out I say Go for it!!! Our partners get the weekends off from work, why cant we have a few hours each week?! I am a much better mother for it and Lilly learns so much. Besides which it usually turns into errand day. lol.

Yvette, SA, Lilly, 3o/7/03.....Natalie 25/1/06

hello well i hava 3 yr old who's exzactly the same as your 4 yr old he just sits their and winges at me if he wants some thing ! i tell him if he waits till i'm finished with his sister (4 months ) i will help him but he just sits there winging or if i say no and he knows i'm busy he'll just go and get it himself . my partner doesn't work and my son goes to kindy 3 days a week . yesterday like most days i was trying to cook dinner put my daughter to bed , my 3 yr old wanted to be cuddled (but was meant to be in the shower ) and my partner was sitting in frount of the tv doing nothing ! when i asked him to help he just yelled at my 3 yr old witch just made him crymore and louder ! my partner doesnt do ne of the house work so when my son goes to school thats all i do all day and asking him to do nething with the kids is a bigger proberlm than its worth !
i feel the same way u do and i want to cry all the time ! the worst thing about it is that i have no one around that i can talk to ! i just keep it all bottled up inside . i'm sick of yelling and screaming and some times there hardly doing ne thing and i get annoyed . ne way thanks for letting me say that ! BUT IN NO WAY ARE U ALONE ! sam mwah good luck

MUM TO RJ 28 10 03 & EJ 23 07 06

Hi mummyto1 I know where you are coming from and somedays I feel the same way or that I wasnt meant to be a mum and I use to feel so guilty for getting angry at my daughter who is 17 months old and she knows how to push the buttoms somedays and thats when I decide that she needed to go to Daycare once a week to give me a break and have some time to myself for a change and I know since she has been going to Daycare I am not yelling at her so much or getting frustrated with her for little things and you arent a bad mother or person all you need is a break and some help from your hubby cause they are his children to not just yours.

Tracey,Jaye (girl)12/06/05, Sam (boy)10/07/09

I have just read your post and the ones following and you are definately not alone in the way you think. I think we all doubt ourselves as parents and it is bloody hard not to. It really is the hardest job in the world and don't let yourself feel bad about the way you have been feeling. Mother guilt is a bad thing!! I do it all the time!!

I hope you can get yourself some support - I don't have a lot and it certainly affects you.

Take care
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