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  5. 8 yo son driving us nuts- advise please!

8 yo son driving us nuts- advise please! Lock Rss

Hi,
Our 8 yo son is driving us nuts with his behaviour and nothing we do seems to be working. He lies, and is deceitful and was recently caught stealing (this was punished by grounding for 1 week with no tv, dessert, no riding bike or playing with friends, loss of pocketmoney, extra chores, had to write letter of apology and paid postage to return items).
His other behaviour is hitting or kicking his 3 yo brother when we can not see him. He is lazy and does not tidy his room but instead throws things behind boxes which I then find at a later date.
Lossing privledges doesn't seem to be working, and last night for the first time in years he was smacked for repeatedly back-chatting (which is another of his traits). This was the last straw for my DH and I as we are pulling our hair out to find something that works with him, and we don't usually smack our kids.
I am at the stage right now where I want to empty his room of all his toys and books until he can learn to be responsible and behave properly.
Can anyone PLEASE help? I dread knowing he is coming home from school as I know his back-chatting, and general bad behaviour will begin again.
And to top if off, at school he is an excellent student, and behaves beautifully for his teachers!!
Thanks for listening.

Mum to Jack 8, Zane 3 & Angus born 06//09/07

Hi
You poor thing. It can be so stressful sometimes. How long has it been going on for. There are no problems at school for him are there. He is not being bullied or anything is he. It could be that he is and just not telling anyone. One other thing it could be that he is experiencing difficulty with the new bub. Maybe he feels that he is being left out. I know that my kids felt a little left out when our DS#3 was born. My teens felt like they were being told to wait all the time and my toddler just did not know how to cope and he really acted out. He is just staring to settle now,that is because I have the little one in a routine now and we are back to normal a bit. I know it can get you down when you don't know what is going wrong but take heart. They all go through this I think. He is old enough to sit down and talk to. If you find you can't maybe there is someone else he might talk to like an older cousin, aunt or uncle or maybe the teacher at school. Then at least you might find out if there are any problems he might not be telling you. He could feel like mum does not love him or care for him as much. NOT that it is true but you don't know what he is thinking. He might be resentful towards the younger ones for taking mum away from him. Maybe you need to have time for you and him alone. Even if is 10mins when he does not have to share mum. He might be stealing just to get your attention. Any attention be it good or bad.

I am not sure of the problem but I hope I have helped at least a bit. Remember that you are not alone, lots of people go through this thing all the time and the kids turn out fine. As long as you can rule out any major concerns on his part. Just keep up the loss of privileges and grounding. It will work eventually.

Good Luck and Take Care
Rachel

My DD now 9 started similar behaviour at that age and my nephew, the same age as my daughter, is the same. It seems to be a thing common to the age group where they see how far they can push. It is a hard time and sometimes nothing seems to work. I can talk to my DD and punish her by not letting her go to the disco or party etc and the following week she will do the same thing.
I found that her biggest problem is lying and blaming others for anything that happens.
I find they only thing that seems to make an impression is to talk to her, away from her brothers. I ask her how she would feel if someone did to her what she has done. Ie called names or lied. I make her think about it and then explain to me what she thinks she would feel. This puts her in other peoples shoes and hopefully, maybe, eventually make her think abour her behaviour.

It is hard and try to stay strong.

Good Luck

currently being updated please check back later.

I feel for you. We have had the same problem with our 8 year old son the only thing is we have had it since he was 5yrs. There could be so many different reasons for his behaviour. He could be jellous. All the things you have done me and my husband done too and much much more..I think the back chatting is really annoying and really frustrating. Sometimes our boy did it for attention didn't care if it was bad or good attention. It is very frustrating i know. We emptied his room it worked for awhile then he didn't really care as he just thought oh well being naughty gives me more attention. I bet you felt like crap after smacking him too. The only thing i can suggest is ring the youth mental health services and see if you can get some help through them that is what we are doing and the person we see are not judgemental at all and they realise people need help. Also try dad to have say a couple of hours 1 on 1 with him on the weekend that may help, if its possible tho as some families are really busy. Not saying he doesn't already do it but it mite help him and it gives you a break as i know how hard and stressful it is. Also don't be afraid to say to others who may have him that this how we are approaching things can you please help by doing it our way, as he might start to try and play people against each other thinking it will keep him out of trouble.

I hope it helps i know its hard but try to keep positive.
wow, he sounds just like my 9 yr old. We emptied his room of toys and books etc, too and it didn't make a diff, except his room was tidier hehehe.

I reckon he may be bored (my son) as we don't get out enough for him to burn up his neverending energy.

I know i might be difficult but if you have a small bub he will be craving the attention. Can you arrange for some time either after bub has gone to bed or on the weekend when you can spend special time with him ask what he wants to do and as bub gets older involve him as well but still make the time about your son. Get him involved in family time as much as you can. Maybe you can ask him what he wants for tea then get him to help you make it or something nice for dessert (once his punishment ends of course you can have double standards). Time with dad might be good maybe a boys only camping trip etc.

DS 22/4/03 DD 14/4/07

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