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Some advice please.. Rss

11 yr old DS is going to High school next year.
He is not my DH child, but he loves him like his own.
DS is getting to that pre-teenage stage, moody, rude to me sometimes, and not doing what he is told..he is extremely bright but lazy, and homework is a battle every night.
This year we moved to a new suburb and he changes schools..
My issue is DH has had him accepted at his old boarding school - and we want him to is a great school and he will have the best opportunities education wise, sporting wise (which he loves) and the chance to make lifelong mates as DH has done.

He doesn't want to go..he wants to go to the local state school with his mates (which he wouldn't be anyway, as if he doesn't go to BS we have him accepted at a boys catholic one)

What do i do? i don't want him hating me..

IMO if he doesnt want to go dont send him...maybe try later on down the track ask him again if he wants to go to B/S sit down and show him all the things they have but honestly dont make him go if he doesnt want to
If you let him make his own decisions at this age someone is going to regret them sooner or later. IMO, if this is the path you want to choose for your own child, then do it. He can only hate you for a little while lol.

I wanted to go to a boarding school and im upset i didnt go to a private school. I knew i would of finished school because our schooling system where i live its stuffed up big time and i left because it bothered me so much.

He's still a child even though he's growing into his teenage years. Just take him down there, brag about the sporting programs they have or something. Make him excited about going there. His friends might be having an influence on him as well. Hopefully the teachers gets him back into studying! good luck
Well personally i wouldnt send my child to a b/s, but each to there own. I wouldnt force him into it, as he will just hate you for doing so, and coul lead to many problems to come.
I guess if you think that it is something that he must do , then you also need ot be prepared of the chance for him not to talk to you, or just be completely distant from you...

3 Little Ones to Love.....

I wouldn't send my child to a boarding school, personally I think that it is a really out dated idea. Maybe if you want him to go to a private school, maybe one more local if that is an option?? He may be feeling as though you want to 'send him away'?
I also have an 11yo son, so i know exactly what you mean!!! (What happened when they were born and we said that OUR kids would never turn out like
In my opinion, ,and i have only tried private school and state school for him not boarding school (although i threaten that one!) if they are going to learn they will learn at whatever school they are at, . I wouldn't be worried about him hating you though, kids are going to hate us for something and it will be all our fault the way they turned out, and chances are he will have the best time of his life at BS (going on what other people i know experiences of it)so that really wouldn't be my issue, mine would be that he just wouldn't be bothered and it would be a complete waste of money effort and everything else that goes, I know already my son will be in a trade apprenticeship, as he is so hands on and hates the classroom, whereas my DD 9 would thrive anywhere and would love and take full advantage of the BS......
its a tough descion but i would give him the choice of borning school or the catholic high school. maybe take him to look at both so he can see what they offer. this way he can see the sporting side of both schools as you said he loves sport. (it will help if he has some say in his futre and doesnt feel forced) though he will be angry for a while he will get over it when he starts making friends and enjoying which ever school you both choose.
he might not like either choice at first but least he has a choice.
if i was given a choice i would of loved going to a borning school as my mum and her two sisters went and i always remember the stories they told and they are still very close with most of the girls they lived with. (they use to refer to it as a big sleep over everynight. lol!)
[Edited on 24/07/2007]

ali = )

Perhaps sit down with him, and let him tell you the reasons why he doesn't want to go, and you can give him your reasons. At the end of the day perhaps a compromise is in order, as another poster suggested, a local private school.

Just because your DH had a fabulous experience at a boarding school doeesn't mean your DS will. My best friend was a nanny/boarding mistress (whatever it is called) at a boarding school, and some of the stories she told me, would make me reluctant to send my child to one.

Yes, children will always be upset/hate parents for one thing or another, but if your DS is feeling abandoned, then that resentment might never go away.

I think maybe a lot of talking through the problem is the only way to go.

Also, Just wondering... does this BS have a pay per term kind of set up? If so perhaps you could agree that he goes for a short period of time to see how he feels about it?

Mummy to one big little man!!

i would just send him he will hate it for a month probably but then he will forget all about it after a month or soo... kids make friends easily and eventually thank you and DH for sendin him there cause he will have life long friends as DH does... BUT if it doesnt work out within a month or soo maybe you should think about doin what he wanted MAYBE...



I would be alittle reluctant to send my child to a boarding school.
Just my opinion.
However if DS wins this Rugby scholarship to some boarding school, DH has already planned, then maybe he will!!LOL!!!

My DH Godfather sends his kids to Riverview which is also a boarding school.A very hard school to get your kids into, unless you know someone???(its bu**SHit)
The Godfathers kids tell us the worst stories about the boarding school.

However, If you ant him to go there, dont give him a choice! I do think it is great that your partner loves your son as much as his own to want the best for him.
Do it!!
If I could get DS into Riverview I would, but not to board.Does he have to board?
What school is it? If you dont mind me asking.

im just going to add something- how is ur DS going to feel if you do put him in a B/s? i have a cpl friends that went to a B/s against their wishes their folks thought 'they'll hate it at first but then love it' WRONG they hated it they felt so alone they felt their folks didnt want them and even now 4years later they refuse to talk to their folks, 11y/o his not silly i know his not old enuff to be making HUGE choices but he is old enuff to know what he will/wont like- definately tke him to the school and show him but honeslt i dont think u should force him- oh and dont say that it was DH's idea i understand that ur DH loves ur DS as his own but DS may think that ur DH didnt want him IYKWIM
thanks for your replies...mixed advice!

when I met DH I told him BS was for parents who didn't want their kids...

I went to a state school all my life, but am a firm believer after MIL and 2 BF are teachers that you get what you pay for - he will not do as well in a state school - in BS you have prep for 2 hrs a night, you are made to do your work, and as such generally achieve better results..

it is such a hard decision, i have been through the will he think i am sending him away scenario, but when he is at home school terms all we do is argue about his homework and assignments, but you have all given me food for thought..let you know how I go!

Kaztack - will PM u.

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