Good morning, well I hope its a bit better for you this morning. I read your post and it sounds like your running around in circles, and I'm sorry that you are going through so much at the moment. I thought you might not mind my input, not sure if its any help though.
Before you read I know that your DS is a bit more severe than my DD, and what your going through weighs more than what mine did. Below are just my opinions only on what I went through.
In regards to behaviour, sometimes we need to take a step back and not think that everything they do or dont do is related to thier condition.
Some kids like their own company, they may just want to do thier own thing and be independant. My brother used to take himself off to the movies if no-one wanted to go with him. I thought it strange but he's very independant.
Also kids develope thier speech at different times and yes our cleft kids will develope a little bit later than whats considered normal. I remember my DD never spoke a word until she was about 11 months old, she would point to what she wanted and I would try and get her to say the word, but she was stubborn and would just crawl away, but I never made a fuss about it, but I was very very worried. Now she doesnt shut up. lol
I'm sorry but I am also critical of pieces of paper that say kids should be doing this and this at such an age. If the child is progessing normally in other things then I think their fine.
Does your DS want to join the other activies you mentioned, he sounds very clever and happy while at home, do you discuss things with his teacher in front of him or other kids. My daughter hated when I did that, she didnt want anyone to know and was able to mix better if they didnt know anything about her, she was a bit older of course.
I myself used to take one day at a time, and hoped the next day would bring us closer to a new development. After a big fuss around the age of eight, I had to pretend she had no problem, and speak nothing of it unless it was for some appointment. I think I made too much fuss and stress at the beggining, when all she wanted was to be left alone and progess and do things in her own time. Easier said then done. I know you are worried about his interaction with other kids and I was the same, only you know what your feeling and what the situation is. He is your son and you know whats best.
Your DS is a real credit to you and keep on doing what your doing things will get easier as time goes by. Take care all. Karen
[Edited on 14/04/2008]