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coping being a single parent Rss

Well, one of the hardest things for me is having to explain to people that I am a single parent in the first place. I am in my 30s and live in an affluent area of a large city so people never assume that I am a single parent - they always assume that I've got a partner somewhere - but it isn't the case, and sometimes it's necessary to explain to them and I don't really see why I should!

Example: my daughter and I had a group appointment at the Plunket clinic the day after Mother's Day. The nurse decided to fill in a bit of time at the beginning, while waiting for latecomers, to ask how people had celebrated Mother's Day. All of the other mothers talked about their partner letting them sleep in, bringing them breakfast in bed, etc. But being a single parent, I hadn't celebrated it all - my daughter is only eight months old, and we'd just spent the day at home doing exactly what we do on every other day. So then this leaves me with a bit of a dilemma: I shouldn't have to announce to a group of people that I've never met before that I'm a single parent because it's none of their business, but then, why should I be ashamed of it so why should I not announce it?

I found it really hard when I was pregnant. I would go to antenatal appointments either by myself, or sometimes with my mother. But midwives or whoever would still insist on asking about my partner. Like they couldn't figure out that if I had a partner, he (probably) would have come to the appointment with me. I had only just moved to NZ from the UK and I was shocked at how nosy and insensitive NZers are in comparison to British people.

Aside from that, I have no cause for complaint. I have (limited) support from extended family. I manage okay financially as I live with my mother and am still receiving maternity payments from my job in London. I am lucky that I have been able to take a full year's maternity leave to spend this time with my daughter. I'm sure we'll encounter some struggles as she gets older but right now everything is sweet.
im finding it hard at the moment coping with my 2 y o she can be such a handfull but yet so good we have aa huge attitude problem and makes it hard when she is nearly in tears asking to see daddy and he doesnt realise what its doing to her
Hi girls,

There's some great stories/reasons on here! makes me feel a bit more happier about the choices I have made smile

I to have just recently become a single mum. I have 2 daughter's one is 2yrs & 2months the other is 1 yr & 1 month and I am due to have my son on the 17th of this month (july). So I will have 3 kids under 3!!

I also have heard of people going on centrelink cause its more money. I just laugh now knowing that is the bigges load of sh** I have ever heard, I only get about 500 a wk, I pay 250 rent wkly & pay my bills wkly as I know i can not get by paying big bills every month, So pretty much I am left with about 150 to cover groceries including nappies ect, fuel & day care for my 2 yr old. So by the time I am paid I am left with nothing at the end of the day. And to top it off the father gets away with only paying me $50 a month for child support.

I do not ask anyone not even family to do me favours like do you mind coming an watching the girls so I can go to shop an get some milk or whatever. My children are a part of me I will take them ever where I go untill they are old enough to do what they like. So many people say how do you cope? It's actually quite easy I believe. I have had smart AR** comments like wow you have 2 young kids an your pregnant AGAIN & sometimes that hurts some people need to know when is & isn't the right time to say something. Then the people that say OHHH i know how you feel with the stress ect your going through but yet they don't, because they have a partner to turn to they have extra money to spend on them self's they can go out & get their hair done at a hair salon go get their nails done ect.

Every person is different. I am happy to be a single mother but if I could have it my way I would ask the father to come with me to get some kind of counselling so we could be those happy people we were befor we had our 1st arguement. I was brought up in split family & I did NOT like it 1 bit having to share holidays things like christmas easter ect. I will do what it takes to get back with my childrens father so they can be happy as well as I know how much they miss him & it breaks my heart when my 2 yr old ask's for him sad
I've been a single mum for 2 years and love it. We are so close and do everything together. I'd like to have another child but don't want to get into another relationship just yet- what do you all think about ivf for single mums? I am already a single mum, I just want to add to my family.

Oh, and btw, I'm not doing it for Centrelink because i work full time and am not eligible for single parent pension atm anyway.
my hat goes off to the woman that can go back to work i feel too guilty leaving my dd behind as she is my responsabilty and no one elses i dont work for that reason and plus were im from if u get work u dont have room in the day care
the media has a lot to answer for when it comes to single mothers they stereotype them info cigarette smoking coffee drinking centrelink bludgers. and yes there are a few out there, but when i say few i mean a few. They forget abt all the single parents that had no choice but to leave partners for what ever reason. its not a decision one makes lightly! oh yeah i think i just live of centrelink payments... ah no one would make that choice if they had to! my grandfather is also one of those narrow minded people who think that parents should stay together for the sake of the children and when i try to point out to him, that its actually more damanging to the child then to seperate, he wont hear it. i also cope it from him as my partner and i choose not to get married (been together 7 years) as the main thing is the cost factor, who wants to spend at least $10000 on a wedding when it can be better spend on our mortgage!!

any how keep ya chin up and tell them to get stuffed!
My friend still thinks is so easy being a single parent, being supported by cetrelink - taxpayers are paying for people on centrelink blahblah. Hello I have got myself 2 jobs just to pay for friccin rent and food and have somewhat of a social life even if its hiring a bloody dvd to watch by myself on a friday night!!!!!!!!! Grrrr!

im a single mum of 3 lil ones there dad aint around... and i find it easier without him being here. but yes people judge me and you eventually get over that.. although i just got out of hospital today because my youngest 8 months old has bronchitis and the social worker had to speak to me cause a nurse told her i had 3 kids and that dad isnt around. i didnt appreciate that to much... but you eventualy get over the thought and comments people make and you know yourself your doing a great job so at the end of the day it doesnt matter
wow!
My hat goes off to all mummies! Its hard as it is, let alone doing it by yourself. MY dh and i split monday and I got so stressed thinking of all the big things i had to do then the lil things pile dup. we got back together but I dont think it will last so im preparing for single parenthood. thankfully he wants to stick around for the kids so we'll see

My hat goes off to all u single mums, u do a fantastic job!

ive been a single mum for almost a year now. i left my daughters dad when she was around 9weeks old (shes almost 14mths now). life has never been better, and my daughter certainly hasnt missed out on anything by not having her father in her life! shes turned into a lovely, happy, funny little girl who really seems to enjoy her life. and u know what makes me proud?i alone have made her that way! i love being a single mum,wouldnt have it any other way. although,like one of you other mummies said,it pisses me off when people either assume my girl is the product of a 1nite stand or that her father left me. i stayed with him for 9years before i had my baby, & when his violent nasty ways didnt change after she was born,i decided bub deserved a good life and we wouldnt get that if we stayed with her dad. ive never looked back!

ive been a single mum for almost a year now. i left my daughters dad when she was around 9weeks old (shes almost 14mths now). life has never been better, and my daughter certainly hasnt missed out on anything by not having her father in her life! shes turned into a lovely, happy, funny little girl who really seems to enjoy her life. and u know what makes me proud?i alone have made her that way! i love being a single mum,wouldnt have it any other way. although,like one of you other mummies said,it pisses me off when people either assume my girl is the product of a 1nite stand or that her father left me. i stayed with him for 9years before i had my baby, & when his violent nasty ways didnt change after she was born,i decided bub deserved a good life and we wouldnt get that if we stayed with her dad. ive never looked back!

This is my first post on this website and after reading all the posts on single parenting yours resonated with me most.... I too decided to leave bubs Dad when bub was 6weeks old as Dad was violent and abusive toward me and only got worse after we married (just over a 1yr before bub was born). I was too scared?! to leave while i was pregnant but once bub was born it was like a lightbulb moment where I thought OMG bub deserved a life filled with love and calm and NO violence. He is SUCH a happy, gorgeous baby and so now is his Mum - we are SOOO much better off away from that terrible environment. I can't believe how i ever survived in my marriage - he was a monster - anything is easier now........... I am so proud of all of you women who have been brave enough to leave and give your precious children a life free from abuse : )

This is my first post on this website and after reading all the posts on single parenting yours resonated with me most.... I too decided to leave bubs Dad when bub was 6weeks old as Dad was violent and abusive toward me and only got worse after we married (just over a 1yr before bub was born). I was too scared?! to leave while i was pregnant but once bub was born it was like a lightbulb moment where I thought OMG bub deserved a life filled with love and calm and NO violence. He is SUCH a happy, gorgeous baby and so now is his Mum - we are SOOO much better off away from that terrible environment. I can't believe how i ever survived in my marriage - he was a monster - anything is easier now........... I am so proud of all of you women who have been brave enough to leave and give your precious children a life free from abuse : )


Welcome to huggies first of all. I love it here! I am so glad to read another mums story that is so much like mine. I didn't think i COULD leave when I was pregnant, didn't know HOW to leave,so stuck around until it got too much.

I am sorry to hear that you suffered like you did, but I have this way of seeing things: If I can help one woman/girl to get out of a situation like mine was, then the hell was worth living. I am not ashamed to tell my story , and i DO NOT tell the story for sympathy or anything like that. if i have told someone my story and they express pity or sorrow for me, I tell them, hey, we have a fantastic life! Just had to get away from what was making existence horrible.

Good on you for leaving, life is great isn't it! and keep in touch and enjoy huggies, i would have gone mad without it throughout my pregnancy and after i had my girl smile

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