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new single parent Lock Rss

So some of you may remember my "do i stay or go" post a few months back. Well over the weekend we decided to "go" or seperate, and he moved out. His things are still here though and he's staying here this weekend to sort through it, while i go to my mum's place. It was a mutual decision. There is no one else, or anything like that, we just drifted apart. We tried EVERYTHING to make it work (probably for the sake of the kids more than anything) but it just didnt.

I am staying in our (rented) house as its a nice area and town with more prospects than where i would like to go, which is the town i grew up in and where my parents still live. The main reason i want to go there is so that i have people around me. Here i dont have any family or "real" friends, and the friends "we" had were more his friends than mine IYKWIM. SO basically i have no one i can see or even talk to.

I feel ok about it all, i mean it was coming for AGES. A blind person wouldve seen this coming. But its still hard, after nearly 11 years and 2 kids together. To be honest i dont think its really hit me yet, maybe cos his things are still here, i dont know. I think if i didnt have the kids around it would be alot harder.

SO where to from here? I have to sort out the Centrelink stuff which im not looking forward to. Then there's custody and all of that as well. Thinking about it gives me a headache! I know its one day at a time, but how do you get through
each day?? How do you stay strong when it finally hits you and you just want to run away and hibernate somewhere? sad

Sorry for the novel. Just getting it out!

You wake up, suck it up and get on with it.

... Then you cry yourself to sleep everynight for a few months.

And then one night you don't cry... or the night after. And then you realise things are getting easier.

Its really hard - I've been separated for over 12 months now and I still have my good and bad days. But time really does help - you really just need to push through the emotional ups and downs in the meantime.
You just start with the important things like centrelink and registering with child support. Then you concentrate on building a secure and happy life for yourself and kids. Maybe you will get sad, maybe you won't, maybe when it sinks in you wonder if you made the right choice but the time will come when you realise everything happens for a reason and you go from there.

I separated from my hubby just before i turned 23 after 6 years together and 2 kids. It was awfully sad but it just was NOT working. There was a million reasons for us to part rather than stay and now 16 months down the track we are friends, have a good parenting relationship and i am very very happy in my decision.

I have built myself this life and independence i have NEVER had and i am happy. that to me is important. I started over, i moved out and left him the house. I love the fact i can finanicially support myself and kids. I just feel.... free!

Mind you i have had a boyfriend for 5 months now but he is fly in fly out. he makes me happy and felt it was the right time to be with someone! Like your marriage mine hadnt been working for the last year. I was miserable most days and i had to change it!!

Best of luck with your new journey, im sure you will be more than fine xo smile
I can't tell you how to get through each day as we have just separated as of 6 weeks ago. Similiar to yourself, we had 15 years together ( we started dating when I was 15) and 2 children and tried 3 different counsellors but it just didn't work.

We are amicable and are still a family. I was not happy at all but I am looking forward to what lies ahead.

Just give Centrelink a call, I thought it was going to be annoying but they were really good and I felt better doing it.

Good luck and as others have said, take each day as it comes. The kids need a happy mother and father and if that means living separately, then you guys made the right decision.

I wish you all the best.

We don't plan for things to go pear shaped and often don't have 'that' conversation. But it's happened to us and now we must take strength from each other. I've cried, I'm angry and I'm hurt but at the end of the day, we can gather strength from knowing that we (women) are the ones who take on the responsibility of our precious children and now we can say that we are the ones who form the person they will grow into. In my situation, there is still a lot of hurt. My ex and I don't have a healthy relationship because he is the one that realised a little too late that the responsibility of a family was too much. Thank god I have this precious being and he has me to rely on. I would greatly appreciate other peoples views and experiences myself, but I am happy to say that 10 month old bubs and I are just fine!
I have just recently seperated too, i have a 6 month old and people keep asking how i cope, all i can tell them is that you just do. I don't get to worry about myself as i have all the practical things to sort out that means i can keep a safe roof over dd's head and her fed and warm etc.

At the end of the day aslong as we are safe, happy and healthy then not much else matters.
stay strong, deep breaths, take each day as it comes and focus on your beautiful kids.
hey how you going??

just wanted to add... if you and ur ex can work out a visitation routine then you dont have to go through all the legal custody stuff, you can get a non legal parenting plan drawn up if you want something set in place.. or if your guys are on good terms just talk it out and write it on a calander. get centerlink sorted as soon as you can as it took almost 3 months to even get any payments from them its a long process and (if) you are going to go through the child support agency (CSA are trying to get alot of parents to come to a private agreement without their collection and for reliable people its alot easier! just get a assesment done so you know what has to be paid)
things will get alot easier, take each day one step at a time, if you need to cry go cry it out and then come back refreshed. good luck!
hi im grace im now a single mother of 3 children and im all most 13 weeks preg its been about 4 long weeks its hard most days i cant do any thing but i have to my kids are only 6yrs 3yrs and 1yrs every thing is up in the air my husband even took all our mates to so i am lucky i have my loving kids and one more little wombat on the way.
Hi Grace,

I feel for your situation, and can tell you, you get through it.

I seperated from my ex when I was 32 weeks pregnant. We seperated as he put me in hospital and early labor.

We were apart for a long time - and moved back in to make it work just before my DD 1st birthday. Well, needless to say, that didn't work either and he was arrested and taken by the police.

As if what my two girls and I went through was not enough, he then took all our belongings. We lived in refuges and motels for 8 weeks before we found a place to stay. But we had to start again. I didn't even have a fridge to keep food in, or clothes to put on the girls back. He took everything, and the worst part is, it was all the things I had before he came along.

Anyway, what I wanted to tell you is, you do get by. You somehow find the strength and the courage to get up each morning and put one foot in front of the other, and you get by.

I found I always put on the happy face for my girls, but would cry myself to sleep every night - and I still do even now, almost 18 months after he was taken away.

I miss him, but can never forgive him for what has happened to my girls and I.

If you want someone to chat to, please PM me. I am happy to be a friendly ear - I know what it is like,and I know that with the support - mostly from stangers - you get through this.

Take care of yourself and all the best.....

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