Huggies Forum

Calling step father "dad" ok? Lock Rss

Does anyone else let their child (mine is age 3) call their step father dad? She still has a lot to do with her biological father, however one day she just started calling my partner dad, and so we just went along with it. However she's just been away for a week visiting her dad's family and on the way home in the car while she was in hysterics she repeated something "you only have one dad", like his family had been drumming that in to her all week.

Now I'm so confused, I don't know whether I've messed her up or whether I've been doing the right thing or whether we should just get her to call my partner by his name, and I wonder how that will be when my partner and I have more kids and they call him dad if she is calling his something else.

Anyone have any advice or anything????

Thanks
yes what about calling him Daddy nick or daddy chris or what ever his name is...... and then she will be able to tell the difference between them thats what my friend does...
My brothers step child calls him DAD in front of his school and sport friends and by his first name most frequently otherwise.

He has not known his real dad and has only known my brother since he was 18mos.

His biological daughter calls him dad all the time.

Personally, for step parents, I think it is up to the child and whatever they are comfortable with....but that may not suit everyone or their situation.
She calls him daddy at home, but ben daddy when referring to a situation where she could get them confused. I agree that it's up to her what she calls him but I'm so scared of messing her up. She gets so upset when we pick her up from her dad and I just feel like the worst parent. and then it plays on mine and my partners relationship - because he loves her like she is his and he treats her like his own, and we put so much work in to her and then she goes to her dad for two days (each fortnight) and she comes back a brat and doesn't want to know us. It's so frustrating and so hard. Especially when we offer for him to have her more often and he can't because he's to busy... cleaning the garage! grrr!
I am in the same boat.My daughter calls my partner her dad and other times by his name,it doesnt really bother me by what she calls him.I let her decide,it can be cofusing sometimes though because I dont know what dad she is referring too.When she is a little older you can explain to her that she has 2 dads,one that is her real dad and one that is her stepdad and let her make the choice on what to call them.She will soon understand the situation.
I know what you mean about her coming home are lil brat,my Daughter does the same and it is so hard!!!
I now have another child to my partner which she calls dad and when DD1 hears her she refers to him as dad too,I let her say whatever is natural to her at the time.
Kids are pretty smart and she will soon relaise what is going on and will understand if you have another baby to your partner.It can be hard at times but always be honest with her and Im sure she will be fine.
smile
I think it's really nice she wants to call her step dad dad. But I think she's best to call him Daddy X. Even though her biological Dad might not spend as much time with her she still sees him. If she didn't then I think it would be okay to call her step dad just Dad. Also I wouldnt be too happy if my child went to visit their Dad and came back calling their partner Mum - just thinking about it from your ex's perspective.
Awwww its a hard one. But I would hate for my boy to be calling somone else mummy sad
Just from personal experience growing up me and my sister were encouraged to call my step father dad by my mum - my mum had been with him since we were about 3 &5.
My REAL dad HATED IT!.
If we ever accidentally called my mums partner Dad in front of him, he would hit the roof.

Maybe talk to your DD's real dad and see how HE feels about her calling your partner dad.
If he is OK with it then good.
But I know my Real dad was pretty hurt every time we called someone else dad.

My step mum has always been Karen to us. But its a bit different as we only ever saw her every second weekend when we would visit my dad.
Thanks Guys,

When she first said it I did ask her dad what he thought - and he said it was fine. However he's a bit of a pushover who has no opinion. so i don't know what the go is with her coming back all upset and repeating bits of conversations stating "no you only have one daddy". If he has a prob with it I wish he'd just bloody say so.

We don't push her to do it - we've never forced it on her. We just let her say what she wants. I have friends who have done the same eg. jesse dad and simon dad, but what is confusing me most is that my mother and whole family are on my case about her calling ben dad - i wish they'd just butt out and let Livi do what she wants.
With my step son because he was just starting to talk when my husband first introduced me he automatically called me mum, we made sure to teach him to call me by my first name because I didn't want to upset the mother..
Then one day when he was about 3 he started to call me mummy-dani.. He either calls me dani or mummy-dani we don't mind.
We never even mentioned to call me mum. He just started on his own.

His new baby sister will be born in a few days (ours) and I read that stepchildren are more inclined to copy their siblings so it wouldn't surprise me if it just was mummy after that. My husband and I have been discussing it lately and we both agree to just let him decide. Like I said before we've never mentioned to call me mum and he just chose to himself.

Try not to worry too much about what you think is 'right' your child will do whatever is most comfortable to them and you just agree with their choice because it's what they want, and makes them happy smile
My son calls my fiance Dad...He is 8 years old know and has known him since he was 3 and half ...He started calling him dad probally around 4 and half...Here is the thing he knows he has another dad...BUT knows that my fiance does everything a dad does..If he speaks about his reallydad my fiance listens to him,talks about how his dad must miss him and how lucky Paul is ( my Fiance)to be able to share my son with his Real dad...

My son is really well adjusted and stil calls his dad "dad" however my fiance is the constant figure in his life through the good and the bad...I believe that my son loves his dad but my fiance has maintained a relationship whicch my son values more
The child will decide for himself.

The other family needs to grow up. They are playing mind games with the child. Both families need to be positive about each other.

Maybe you need to talk to the other family about this. If they have issues they should talk to you and not be involving the child with the adult problems. Particularly at this young age.

I guess you have to ask yourself if you ex had a new wife would you be happy with the kids calling her Mum.

I have step children and was involved with them from three and five years. We never encouraged them to call me Mum as the Mother was particularly nasty and we knew she would get nasty to the children if they called me Mum. There was a lot of psychological mind games going on but we continued to be positive about the other side and we are really seeing the benefits of that now.

I now have my own children and the step children still call me by my first name but when they talk to their half sister they refer to me as Mum when talking about me. Labels are a terrible thing... they called her their sister til the mother drumed into them she was a HALF sister. They have decided for themselves to call their sister their sister and not refer to her as a half sister.

My friends have step children and they call her Mum. They all just decide for themselves.
Sign in to follow this topic