Hi Everyone,
I feel so lucky to have had the experiences I've had compared to yours. I started with an 8lb 9oz baby and didn't know if I wanted another as I was so in awe of her and totally hated the birthing experience. My mother then sat me down and talked to me about her experiences growing up as an only child and basically guilted me into another pregnancy. I decided that if I was going to do it that I wanted my children within 2yrs of each other.
The first time round it took us 8mths to fall pregnant but only 1mth the second time. The pregnancies were very different and I spent the first 12 wks suffering from extreme guilt and morning sickness. I found it hard to get over the fact I couldn't devote myself to my eldest as I wanted to sleep all day the first trimester and when I wasn't asleep, I wanted to throw up. Once I got to the second trimester I was thankful that I had fallen pregnant so easily and that I'd have 'two winter babies'. By the time the third trimester hit, I felt sorry for my eldest again as I was just too big to play with her and it took a crane to lift me up off the floor.
Finally another precious angel came into our lives but she needed 5 people to assist me in getting her out naturally. She was wedged by her shoulder and I had the paed. on one leg, a midwife on the other, another midwife pushing down on my fundus, my husband pushing me from behind and the obstetrician doing his bit in the middle. It was all rather scarey at the time and I wasn't able to see her for 1/2 hr as the paed. & midwife tried to get her breathing comfortably. We were finally able to take her up to our room but complications set in and she spent the next 5 days in nicu on an antibiotic drip under the lights. It was rather interesting that at 10lb 11 1/2oz, she was bigger than the other 2 babies in there combined. She had a great deal of difficulty regulating her breathing due to having a wet lung and an enlarged heart (from the stress). To this day we still don't know where the infection came from as I was cleared.
It took 6wks before she would begin to breathe normally and by that stage we knew something else was wrong and discovered she had reflux.
I think that if I'd had this experience with my first I would have waited much longer to have a second, if any. I can totally understand how you feel. I had my eldest in my room from day one but I felt empty and alone this time as I wasn't able to have my second in with me. Another sad fact was that as she was in nicu and visitors weren't allowed in, only one of my friends bothered to come and visit me. I was just so alone but thankfully my mum, sister and husband were wonderful caring for our eldest and making the daily trips to visit. She's now 14wks old and I feel that something is still missing although I naturally love her dearly.
On a brighter note, I was born 6wks premmie and my twin sister and I now are no different to anyone else.
I wish you the very best of love and fun with your precious gifts.
Peta
Peta, NSW, mum of 2 gorgeous girls