perhaps if you feel this way youre not ready for it just yet. i felt similarly to you; i was concerned it wouldnt feel the same for one or both of us, and i was also apprehensive. i had a small episiotomy and it healed really quick but still - theres been a lot going on down there hasnt there! if you are so concerned perhaps you could try just hugging and kissing. if you feel like doing more do and if you dont dont, but at least you can still feel intimate. it maybe that the longer you miss any form of closeness the harder it is to restart - ? i feel like sometimes you can get out of the habit of being close and it takes more effort. we resumed 'full' intimacy when bub was around 8 weeks old, but that was more to do with the fact that he started sleeping through so i didnt feel so exhausted.
perhaps you are feeling a little depressed, your labour sounds like it was a tough experience. a good friend of mine suffered pnd with her first baby, and when she became pregnant a couple of years later she saw a counsellor when she was around 7 months pregnant to try and ward it off. the counsellor told her that a healthy sex life is indicative of good mental health and well being. perhaps with all you have gone through with stitches and giving birth etc, plus feeling down or depressed, it may be that you arent ready just yet, but dont lose that closeness. that will help you through this time. maybe speak with your doc at your checkup, and mention your worries over birth control too. best of luck xxxx
first timer to jay 230206, adelaide