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i feel like a failure Lock Rss

hi DS is now almost 12 weeks old and I feel like I stil can't get things right. I tried for a long while to get a routine happening ie feed,play,sleep and a roughly a 2-4 hr feed schedule. (wokred for a very shrt period) Lately however DS has been catnapping, then only taking 5 mins snack feeds, staying awake for ashort period then another cat nap. I went to a sleep clinic and they said the only way to breakthe cycle was to try and resettle and make DS wait a little longer. I feel like after almost 12 weeks I'm still unsure re: DS tired signs, also feel like a failure as I think I should have figured out some sort of routine by now and that DS should be able to self settle. also - what am i supposed to do about going out etc? I can't imagine trying to sh-pat and resettle a crying baby in public. Am I supposed to stay at home until it is sorted? Then do I undo any routine by going out? Also DS is still waking up twice during the night - i tried to top up with formula to try anf get him through the night but he refused to take the bottle. (formula as I can't express anything) What am I doing wrong???

mum to a cheekey monkey DS 23/03/2006

Darling - you are not doing anything wrong!!!!!!!!!!!!

I shall assume that this is your first bubba.

I'll tell you a little of my story and I hope it helps.

Now, I'm a very in control person - a very 'everything as its place and in its place everything shall be" type of girl. I managed a medical practice before and during my pregnancy - so yes - I'm a clean/neat/tidy freak!

I had everything planned, but Jacob had other ideas.

My hospital experience was not good and I did not feel I got the support I needed during the hospital stay. By five months I was not a good person to be around. I tried every suggestion known to mothers to help our situation because I frankly - did not know what the hell I was doing!

Anyway to cut a long story short - I got my act together - I stopped reading all the 'cr^p' out there about mothering/parenting and I stopped listening to all the (expletive) advice I was getting from so called experts - LOL - some of them being from this site - and with the help of my Dr - I started listening to myself and my son - and eventually it all came together.

But I stress - this worked for me - it may not work for you.

We have been very lucky with our son - he himself stopped the 2am-3am feed at about 9 weeks and by six months the 11pm feed was gone too. I didn't do anything special. I played with him when he was awake, I fed him when I knew it was time/he was hungry etc, I took him for walks, I had a magical moment where at night after his bottle around 7pm I would rock him to sleep to the first two lullabies on a CD I played (which I still play now at sleep time day and night) - but sadly I don't get this experience now cause he's just too damn heavy to hold for that long!

Now at 17 months he sleeps for about 1.5 to 2.5 hours during the day from 11.30 to 2pm ish and sleeps from about 8pm to 6.30/7am.

He is a healthy, robust, assertive, little man who drives me insane at times but its a good 'insane'. This time last year was not a good time for me and I prefer to look forward.

I have been abused on this site by so called 'well meaning mothers' on this site and it was hard for me to comprehend this but in the end - you have to do what is right for you and your baby and even to this day I still question "am I a good mother, am I doing the right thing for him" - but I know I am, it's taken me 17 months to realise it but I have!

All I can say is believe in yourself - only you know your baby - take the advice you get and mull it over and if it doesn't suit you then forget about it.

Most of all please believe in yourself! Yes, you will question everything you do and probably will do for the rest of your life as a mother - but believe that ultimately you are doing the right thing for you and your baby!

Above all, give you self a break - even if its for 30 minutes - utilise your family to watch bubba for you.

You are not a terrible mother - I believe there are no terrible mothers - just great mums in the making!

Blessings - and take care of you and bubba!
dear snowwhite,
i know you have already had some great replies so i wont rave on all i wanted to say was, i too am a control freak and also am a perfectionist so i was extremely worried about how i would cope taking my new baby out especially a i also have a four year old godson in my care, but then i realised that life goes on and my baby is more important then anything so when i go out i feed her when she needs it and i then find a spot out of peoples way and i sit there to settle her until she is comfortable. i dont have a set routine and for me this is best, but when im out i dont worry what people think when my bubs crys because thats what they do, thats the only way the know how to talk to us and thats life...
just remember you are not a failure although we feel this way sometimes we just need to remind ourselves we're not the only ones struggling and each precious child is different, just go with yours and your little ones flow whatever makes them (and you) happy.
so much for not raving.. sorry about that..
all the best... just try to enjoy this beautiful time in your life...

Renee, SA, 8 wk baby girl, 4 yr old boy

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