My understanding of self settling is that when bubs is put down to sleep (when tired) that he or she can get themselves off to sleep without rocking, patting, walking etc. It also means that if bubs stirs when he enters a light sleep he can quickly get himself back to sleep without needing our help. As it how you do it, perhaps someone else is more able to help. Have you spoken to your maternal and child health nurse? A lot of health services offer settling courses or could give at least give you the information you need. Good luck.