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What have I done! Lock Rss

My 8wk daughter has been the best baby from birth. Really calm and placid, so easy to look after. I've been puting her in the bassinett next to our bed to sleep no dummy, no patting and she would happily go to sleep on her own. The only problem was she would wake every 3 hours for a feed or burp or poo.

After much deliberation, I decided to try the controlled crying. I gave her 1/2 a feed, then bath, dressed her, 2nd 1/2 of feed then still awake, I put her in the bassinett to sleep.

She started to cry and after 5 min I went in and patted her and said shhhhh. She cried louder and I left the room. She started screaming I held out for another 10 min then went back in. In the dark I could feel her face and neck were wet with tears and it broke my heart as she only cried tears one other time when she got her needles. So I picked her up and put her on the boob till she fell asleep. She slept for 5 hours, woke up twice that night to do a poo, and once for a feed.

The next day I noticed she burst a blood vessel in her eye from crying so much. This was three days ago and now she's a different baby. She's insecure, cries easily, cries louder, wants her dummy all the time, wants to be held all the time, and cries as soon as she's left alone.

I don't know what to do now and I'm angry at myself that I did this to her. Now she feels vulnerable and is scared we'll abandon her. I want my calm secure baby back!


Dear mummyT,

I nearly cried for you myself when I read your post just now - I felt so sad for you and your little girl.

I think you CAN get your secure little baby back, if you just continue to follow your heart and your true mothering insticts - as you have done to this point - and respond quickly to any of her cries from now on.

I will add a couple of links to web pages, to this post, that might give you some ideas, and will reinforce for you that what you were doing up until three days ago was the RIGHT thing! I have gone on and on - in other threads - on this forum about the dangers of controlled crying especially in young babies, but I think so long as you really make an effort at responsive attachment parenting, you will soon have a happy little girl who knows you will always be there for her.

Best of luck - and let me know how you are doing.

Just click on these links below for more information:-

<a href="">Ask Dr Sears</a>.

<a href="">Beehive - Responsive Parenting</a>.

<a href="">Storknet - Attachment Parenting</a>.


Hi Tali

Don't be too hard on yourself. As JM said if you go back to what you were doing before I'm sure she'll get back to normal. Just keep giving her heaps of love and reassurance. One thing I've found with both my babies is that when things get really tense a bath works wonders. Either me or my husband used to take Lachlan in the big bath with us, sometimes and the deep water can really help to relax them as they are able to float around in it (supported by you of course) and I think they really like having a bit of company in the bath too. Sometimes I'd have a bath in the middle of the night with Lachlan as I figured we weren't getting any sleep anyway so we might as well do something relaxing. Just follow your instincts, I'm sure she'll settle down again soon. Let me know how you're both doing.

Take care
Hi Guys
Thanks so much jm -those sites were fantastic. I printed them out and Ben is taking them to work tomorrow to read. I wish I'd read them earlier.

I feel really silly for trying it out in the first place. I was just jelouse of the mums that said that their 8weekers were sleeping through, but now I'm going to say - I have a baby who wakes up every three hours and I'm proud because she's secure and knows she's loved.

It was so nice to read all that advice because it confirmed what I always thought.. that you should just go with what feels natural but I've never heard that from an expert before now.

Good news is today she's been wonderful I put her in the sling and she 'helped' hang out the laundry, then we had a lovely nap together in the big bed and the red in her eye is disappearing. She hasn't cried at all today so things are definately looking up.

Jas thanks for your post and your encouragement. I know that we all make mistakes and its tough being a mum sometimes...thanks for making me feel better guys!

Kailee says thanks too!


Yaaaaay! Way to go, MummyT !!

You can feel secure too, in the fact that your own mothering instincts, telling you to respond quickly to Kailee's cry, are well backed up by over 50 years of research!! But you didn't need all that to know you were on the right track, did you?!

Warm wishes to you and your family.

Hi Tali

I'm so happy that things are getting back to normal for you both. I also want to apologise for my post in the due in march thread when I said that Lily was already sleeping through - the day after I posted it I was thinking how insensitive it was - but I didn't mean for it to be, I was just really excited after a couple of unsettled weeks. I was also going to add more to my last post here but Lachie and Lily both woke up so I had to cut it short.

Anyway - what I did want to add was that from the start with Lily I followed sleep and settling techniques taught by Karitane. It's very hands on, you stay with them until they go to sleep. Basically it's the feed/play/sleep routine. After she has been fed she has her awake time and when she starts showing tired signs I wrap her and put her in her basinette while still awake, then I rock the basinette until she goes to sleep. It's been working really well so far, I used the same technique with Lachie but didn't start until he was about 6 or 7 weeks old. With him eventually I was able to just put him down and he would go off to sleep by himself (with no rocking). If either of them wouldn't settle I'd give them a top-up feed. If you are interested Karitane has a website with all the info:

You'll find all the info under the 'Survival Tips for Parents' link.

I found it to be a really gentle way to teach them to go to sleep. This is just my opinion, but I think having a bedtime routine helps them to feel more secure. By routine I don't mean sticking to set times but giving them signals that it's time to go to sleep such as quiet time and wrapping etc.

I too used to put Lachie in the baby bjorn pouch while doing housework, I do the same now with Lily. I always take the pouch shopping as she doesn't always like being in the pram but will usually be asleep in seconds once I'm 'wearing' her. It sounds like things are much better for you now. Feel free to email me if you ever want some help or just a chat.

Take care
Hi guys sorry I took so long to respond, you know how it is.

Thanks jm I feel more confident now when I pick her up as soon as she cries and she's such a happy baby because of this. everyone remarks about her pleasant calm personality, thats why it stresses me out when she does cry because it means something is seriously wrong. but its ok because I know her cries well they are very distinct.

Jasmine - Firstly, don't be silly you don't need to appologise at all - I didn't even read that post, but there were many others and also most of the babies in our exercise class that are 9wks have slept through at least twice. Although I'm jelouse, I'm happy for them and I know some of them wish that their babies were as calm and happy as Kailee. In the end every baby is as good as the next in different ways I suppose and we're all friends here so its nice to celebrate when babies reach a milestone. Don't think you're being insensitive to someone else, I can't speak for everyone else but it makes me happy when other mums are happy.

I was also told by the child health nurse to try the eat play sleep routine and it works well in the mornings, but in the evenings she likes her milk before and after the bath then two or three times a night she'll wake to feed and she really does seem hungry so maybe she's still too little. I've decided to introduce one feed of formula when she's about 12wks and I'll give it to her at about 11pm see how that goes..

I'm going to check out that site in a minute. I have some cute pics to email you too.

Talk to you both soon!



Hi Tali You're right we do 'know how it is' [LOL] Don't worry about how long it takes to respond - at all!! Before you give Kailee the formula at 12 weeks, as you said, I just wanted to mention a few things that I think you might need to know first. We all know that any breastfeeding is good, but exclusive breastfeeding is much better for baby - and is actually recommended until 6 months. Some of the reasons for this are that exposure to formula in these early months inhibits the absorption of some nutrients from the breastmilk [as it interferes with enzymes, transfer factors etc.], changes the pH of the intestines of the baby [and this increases the chance of bowel infection and diarrhoea], is a risk factor for allergies, childhood type 1 diabetes and asthma and will reduce the mother's milk production [as you know breastmilk is supply by demand] I know you may have all sorts of different reasons for introducing formula - and of course you may still go ahead with your plans to do so!! I just think that it is best to be told these things, before deciding. Oh and remember too, that all babies have different sleep requirements - and that from 0 to 3 months baby rarely sleeps for more than 4 hours at a time and only 10% of babies will sleep through the night by 6 weeks of age. At 3 to 6 months babies can still awaken 2 - 3 times a night. [Some will only wake once a night.] Sleeping for 6 - 8 hours overnight can occur regularly or intermittently or, for some, not at all! Australian surveys show that only 50% of babies will be sleeping through at 6 months, and more than 50% of that group will go back to waking in the night again, during the next 6 months..... What I mean is, don't get too worried about whether bub sleeps through the night or not at this early stage !! [I know, not so easy NOT to think about it when you are not getting much sleep, is it?!!] Tali, hope all continues to go well for you! To others who may be reading this post:- Now I don't want this post to go eliciting all sort of angry responses from mums who have already introduced formula! I am simply giving Tali the facts and she will do with that as she wishes. I know from my own experiences, that finding out things about baby care too late, is horrible - I still feel angry [and get the guilts - and I shouldn't, because I didn't know!!] about things I allowed to happen with my firstborn, that I later found out were bad for him. OK? Cheers jm
Thanks jm
will definately consider all that when making the decision down the track. There are also lots of advantages too such as bonding with dad (he so badly wants to feed her) and having a mum that's not exhausted so I can take better care and everything becomes safer especially driving when I'm more alert. So there's lots to think about.. I'll have to not worry about it for a while until the Kylie concert in june when it will be the first time I'll be away from her. Its only for one night so I can always express if i decide not to give formula. Besides I don't think there's much left... we bought a tin when I was pregnant for emergencies and during the pregnancy I kept eating the powder! so yummy.... (no wonder I gained 21kg!)


Tali - did I read your post right - you ate the formula powder whilst pregnant - I guess that's an original craving - better than the pickles or dirt one.

LOL - can I ask which formula powder it was?

I missed out on all the fun stuff - never got any cravings - oh yes I did - in those early months through morning sickness - all I could keep down was potato scallops. STRANGE!
LOL its the Nestle' NAN one. Funny thing is, the first time we'll use it - it will be Ben who has to prepare it and I don't know what I'll say when he asks "um babe, why is this tin almost empty?" Maybe I'll tell him I've been using it in his coffee when we've run out of milk... any ideas?


Well. I would just finish the can!!! and sneak in a whole new one to start over with!! .... grin

Either that, or tell him that you've got real clever mice ?? grin grin

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