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over involved friends and family after birth.... Lock Rss

Hi all.

Just looking for support really. Has anyone else been bothered by people not respecting your space after giving birth?

I had a posterior baby so the labour for me was insanely excruciating pain (I only had gas for pain and that did nothing and they wouldn't give me an epi because they were "too busy" and he came before they finally even considered me)
So that was slightly traumatizing lol (first baby too)

I haven't had unbroken sleep since labour (even pregnant sleep was lacking) so im tired, worn down, sore etc and now I have this new little baby that my world now revolves around.

I live on a property with my partners dad and step mum (in a villa) and they've been thoughtful initially with cooking us some meals. Which I was grateful for and thanked them profusely. But they have been overbearing now along with other people. On a few occasions now they've invited THEIR friends or the step mums family over and knocked on our door last minute and asked for my son to br brought over. This had me really pissed off. Especially as he just went to sleep. I let it happen this time but I feel myself very angry that on several occasions they pop in too much or just decide to have people over and expect me to drag my son there. Im still trying to settle in with my baby.

Ive had so many people ask me to come to them and visit and no one is really respecting my wishes. Family have been the worst.

I find it harder with my partners family because I know im the one they get the shits with if I dont make the effort. I respect his family but theyre an absolute pain in my arse and im overwhelmed.

Sorry i just needed to vent and speak to other mums. Anyone else experienced this?

Tips on dealing? I dont want to be the bad guy but I do feel like its an invasion of personal space.
i sure do understand as i had this problem...i think if you tell people in a polite manner and they dont respect your wishes then you may have to be alittle rude..your health is very important at this time and you need to rest.i have family that wanted to visit and my little girl was sleeping and i was really tired so i said no maybe another first they didnt like but stiff sh*t i say!!! grin ..good luck!!
I think this happens to every mum its just comes with the territory
I was the same with all my family and the husbands family I told them in the nicest way possible that I didn't want any visitors at the hospital as this was my time with bub and that when we left the hospital and went home I told them to give me a few days to get to know bub and then I would bring bub to visit when I was ready I did make a few exceptions with the grandparents though but those visit were kept short and sweet
I think everyone goes through this to some degree. I had this with my inlaws too. They mean well and are just over excited about having a new grandchild but do they seriously forget what having a newborn is like!? I still have issues with them when I saw no to dinners because DD is so unsettled at night we don't go out. We don't avoid going out because we are super strict with routine or anything (like they think) but everytime we try she literally goes feral and I end up in another room trying to calm her down.
Anyway my point is you need to just deal with it and they will start to visit less. I think around 3 months old they get a little more bored and visit only once a week/fortnight.
I would use a sign on the door, or just say the baby is due for a feed. This worked with my FIL because I think the thought of me getting my boobs out terrified him.
I actually had my inlaws wanting to visit everyday in hospital! By day 2 I told them straight out no more. DD had jaundice and I couldn't take her off the bili bed except to feed, and I had to pump every 2 hours so trying to fit in visitors was way too stressful.

In the case of in-laws, it really needs to be your partner that tells them politely that he wants/needs his baby and wife to get more rest. It IS harder for us to tell in-laws so it is best coming from your partner. In the case of unexpected visitors, just let them know that "sorry, baby is sleeping and I was just about to nap too." If they don't take the hint, say "I'm sorry, I really need us both to sleep - we're under strict Doctor's orders. Call me in a few days and we'll arrange another catch-up. If I have notice, I can work it in with the Doctor's schedule." This way it's not YOUR wishes, and people can't (or shouldn’t) argue with a doctor and you’re not the bad guy. In fact, THEY are the bad guy if they cause you and your baby to be sick by going against doctor’s orders wink And, by mentioning that they need to schedule it in to see baby, they will be more inclined to give notice next time.

This is all too common. While it is flattering and lovely that people want to see your baby, it is such a stressful thing for you to be dealing with when you're adjusting to motherhood.

I think it's worth talking to people and telling them that you're trying to settle in with bub and that although you do love their interest and care for your baby, that you are finding juggling visits a bit of a struggle. Perhaps you could suggest to them that they organize visit time in advance, but ask them to check in a little bit before arriving in case bub is feeding or sleeping. If they are your families friends, maybe you could use this opportunity to duck off for a sleep or "me time" - it's hard to leave your baby with somebody else but it might be a nice chance to get some rest and everyone will get their "baby fix." I found that after the first few weeks the visiting settled down a lot, once the thrill of a newborn wears off.

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