Useless boyfriend!

Hey everyone sorry i need to get this off my chest its consuming me everyday sad .

After i gave birth to my lil girl i didnt get any sleep for 72 hours because my partner according to him couldnt help with bub. I ended up in tears one morning at 4am while he was asleep cause Talia was unsettled and i didnt have any milk left ( i didnt know stress can cause you to dry up) my mum came over with formula and so i could get a few hours sleep. Since then he helps minimaly i nearly left him last weekend as ever since Talia was born he has done nothing but put me down making me feel like a useless mother and Talia had an accident on our bed at 3am as some bubs do and he threw the biggest **** and started yelling at me reducing me to tears. I got him to see a docter they put him on depression tabs he was allgd for 3 days now hes back to being an jerk sad.
I want to leave him because Talia doesnt deserve to grow up in this kind of enviroment but every time i try he lays the guilt trip on regarding his financial situation and how his kids will feel argh!
I dont feel anything towards him anymore i just feel trapped and misrable.
Apparently looking after a baby then lookin after his kids after daycare isnt anything compared to working all day then comming home??
He appoligizes but after a day or two it goes to back to how it was before :S

Should i put up with this for my babys sake??
Cheers,
Jess

This will be blunt but it's simple you need to leave - your baby deserves better. Why been in a situation where you don't feel anything for the other person is not healthy for anyone - how will your baby learn what real relationships are supposed to be like. It might be hard on your own for a little while but you don't need to feel guilty about his kids - really they are his worry - they are not yours and putting your life and your babies life on hold for that reason is wrong. It's not like he is helping you with the baby now so been in a nice happy environment on your own will be the same except happy. Leave when he is at work and don't tell him where you are going too or living and everytime you think of going back look at the baby and ask yourself does it deserve an unhappy life just to be in the same house as man who pays no attention to her. Sorry to be blunt but been fluffy about this kind of thing won't be helpful and you are asking for help.

Post deleted by administrator.

i know how you feel!!!!! my daughter is 31 months old and i am married. have been for 4 years in september this year, i am 20 and he is 25.although I love him he doesnt seem to give a toss about us(well most of the time any ways) he used to make nikkola(our daughter) cry and still does by knocking her over when she is walking and laughing or now its tripping her or when he is carring something like the shopping and she is in the door way he will push her inside out of the way with the bags and she will burst in to tears. he cant even hold her hand to go put her to bed with out her bawlling! i feel like i am raising a 13 year old undyignosed(sp?) adhd sufferer not my 25 year old husband! i have left him before but ends up either coming home or i call him to pick me up from my mums because my step dad is a jerk. we had a HUGE fight just 2 days ago and i kicked HIM out for once and he went to his dads but i of cause said he could come back but has to sleep in the spare room....neadless to say he has been as sweet as pie and helping heaps and has even reduced his anti depressants because they havent worked(the oppisote actually) and now were trying again. but i just know in a max of 3 days it will all be back to the same old sh!t again. and if it does happen i WILL be kicking him out for good, i cant have my daughter around that sort of person no matter who it is! i truly hope that you do what is best for your children and i wish you all the luck in the world in changing your partners if thats what you stick to trying to do...it has happened before.............i dont know who or when but it has!

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[Edited on 20/04/2009]

Hi Jess,
Congrats firstly on your new arrival....its so exciting to be a mum huh ?

Second....if you are unhappy and feel nothing towards this guy, then you are not helping your baby by staying with him for the babies sake.....

My mum stayed with my father for our sake, he was good with guilt trips also....it only made the inevitable break up harder ! ! !

you need to focus on you and your new baby...nothing else is more important right now...if you dont have lov e and support from your man..then move in with your mum...she obviously cares enough to help and show you support when you need it most.....

Anyways...good luck ....make sure you wake each day and smile with the thought that you have a new little angel who loves and depends on you.....

Kristie.

You are not the only one sweetie. I have the same problem. He has started helping with her but only if he is home. Meaning, he still has a life and if something better comes up for him to go do, fishing, soccer, drinking, he will go do it. I have been diagnosed with PND and have started meds. I do not have his support. I cannot talk to him about my feelings as we have been argueing over text msgs I found in his phone from a 'friend'. The were inappropriate and she had asked him to delete them. The pair of them have now made it to be my fault and have said I am over reacting and I have lost my friendship (she was also my birth support partner).I told him that I will leave and he said he only wants me to stay if things change and that I have lost 1 friend cause of my stupidity and if i keep going i will loose everything. Excuse me but I was not the one sending msgs! Anyway, sorry for rambling on. Sending hugs. xxx

Hey Jess,

Congratulations on your little one! smile

I definitely think you should consider leaving him (if you haven't already). When I first got home from being in hospital after two weeks (I had baby at 36 weeks as I developed pre ecclampsia) I was quite sick and needed a lot of help with baby. My partner was helpful sometimes and then not at other times. It was really hard and he seemed to think fatherhood was a chore. It really annoyed me at first. I relied on my mother for a lot of help at first. However, he has definitely settled down into fatherhood and is a great help to me now.

If it had continued on the way it was in the beginning I would have left by now - I had considered it a few times during the first 6-8 weeks. I'm glad that I stuck at it though as I know now that he was just finding it hard to adjust and relax. I guess some guys take longer.

However, if he has been spiteful, lazy and refused to help me with our child on a daily basis I would have left him. I wouldn't want a child to be brought up in that environment where dad doesn’t care enough about anybody but himself. Plus it’s not fair on you to be stuck in a loveless and stressful environment. You need to think of yourself and you daughter. Don't put up with it. Do what’s best for you both.

All the best, I hope things go well for you in the future.

Shelly xx

Oh hugs to you all in this situation!

Im was also in this situation to I kicked him out...I was sick of the lies and that he made me feel like a single parent and wasnt much help when they are babies which now that I have a 4yr old and nearly 2yr old he helps me with them but leaves the new born to me (he's 7weeks) You might find that the father might help more when bubs is older, just unfort some DP/DH's arent up for the whole newborn side of things...I know what its like dealing with tea and children its like feeding time at the zoo at my house!! PMSL

I wont go into to much detail as I will be all night LOL

As everyone has said be strong and do this for your child dont stay for the child's sake as it wont work.

If you feel like you need to chat please dont hesitate in emailing me at aj222003@hotmail.com or msn me (same addy) Im always up for a chat smile

Take Care,

Your not alone it has happen to me also, my partner use to hit and taunt even when I was pregant with my daughter now going on to 7 weeks.I always cried and felt alone he always says I ask to get hit which hurts me the most which I left him but went back to him after saying sorry. He then change which was for the good. I feel you have done the right thing by leaving him and thinking of you and your child safety, you are strong and brave for ending the relationship which I know it is hard for most women like me I wish I was strong and brave like you but I am not as I am always going back to him when sorry comes out. Take care and wish you all the best.

Hi, obviously this is not an uncommon thing. I personally haven't been in the situation, but i watch it every day with my sister and her partner.
I know my sisters fear is starting out again only this time with 2 babies to look after. she also says she is staying with him for the kids. I've told her that staying with him is only showing her girls a destructive relationship and if that is all they see then they will mirror the relationship when they grow up. I hope this doesnt happen.
My sister is giving it another go (again) and i am here whenever she needs.

But i just want to say as someone looking from the outside in, YOU DESERVE BETTER!!! it would be the hardest thing to leave and start over, but isnt not only your own, but also your childrens happiness worth the effort?

Ask for help, and if it turns out that you do end up happy with your partner further on down the line, then thats great, but if its effecting yours, and your baby's quality of life now then you need to do something about it. Friends and family can see the suffering and we want to help, trust me. and if thats not available, there are organisations out there that are.

Good Luck, I wish you all nothing but happiness and joy. and if anyone needs a hand with anything, let me know.
Kylie

Mummy2Nikkola

Why are you with someone who is abusing your daughter?
[Edited on 04/08/2007]