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Where is time for me? Lock Rss

Im 25yrs old. Just got married this year. All my life, I was brought up to believe that I should do everything for my husband - all the housework, cleaning, cooking etc.. We've had a wonderful relationship. I do everything for him. Even when I was heavily pregnant, I still did all the cooking and cleaning. He offered to help but I thought that was silly.
Now I have a newborn and its going fine. But I have no one to talk to during the day and find myself feeling down. When I see my family, I'm always very snappy with them, I yell and order them around. I cannot control it. I always tell them how to do things and expect them to do things properly. They are only human and I wish I could stop. But all this cleaning and looking after my husband - making him happy all the time has made me like this. I find I am looking after his needs and maintaining the house and hardly having energy enough to look after my baby. I look after her well, dont get me wrong but I feel like im no doing good enough before I hve so much housework to get through each day. My husband is very fussy. Everything needs to be sparkling clean. He is a very tidy person and I know what he is like so when I see others not doing things properly I snap. My husband didnt like me having male friends, and thats all I had. I never had female friends, so now I lost all those friends. I am finding myself alone. Not even my cousins have seen my 12week old. No one but my parents and husband and a few of his friends (who Im not close to) visited me in hosptial. My mother has 8 brothers and sisters who all have children so you can see I do have a big family. I just dont understand why no one visits and cares enough to come over and see how I am doing.

hi, have you thought about joining a mothers group or playgroup. it is a great way to meet new people and get out of the house.

Hi there!
Gee, you soung like the ultimate wife!!! But now its time you slow down, take a brwak and enojy your new baby!!! Who cares if the house is a little messy?? If your hubby is such a neat freak he should have no problems in coming home to clean up!!! Hehehehe....

Finding time for friends is hard, but I agree you should look into playgroups/mothers groups in your area. Its a fantastic time to share with other new mums!
Good luck with it all, don't let yourself get too bogged down with everything. Try and balance things out a bit more...

*Hugs* to you honey! You sound like you are doing a great job!
Ditto to the others though, you cannot do it all! Your husband can't expect that, it is not fair & it is impossible. Can you talk to him about it?
A mother's group is a great idea. I really prefer to be at home but I mustered up the courage to find a mother's group & I found one that I liked which is fantastic. Adult conversation & people who listen! smile
If you live in Brisbane I can invite you smile

Hope you can slow down soon & enjoy your baby! Soak your baby up, they are only little once! smile
wow, what a workload. You mentioned that your hubby offered to help when you were preg. if you talk to him again you might be surprised at what he offers.
My husband does the cooking at night, and i do the dishes during the day if they arent done that night, the rest i do, but just that little bit is enough to keep me calm. i find when i have to do the lot i get rather worked up so we discussed it, and thats his little job (works well because he gets home at 4pm)
maybe you can work out something like that, one less job doesnt sound like much, but it sure makes a difference in my life.
and the rare days when he came home asking why the lounge room wasn't clean i told him that if didnt like it then he could lend a hand and clean it himself, he soon stopped asking. (besides its only occassionally that happens, and i feel my DH can live with it for a day, or he can take over the baby when he gets home so i can finish cleaning)

anyway thats just what we do. I hope your husband is willing to help, if not then there is always the idea of a cleaner once a week to scrub the bathrooms and floors.... (I wish)

good luck, make time for yourself and try not to stress out too much

I find it hard to complain reason being I'm now the one who is staying home full time and he works. I know he will have to be understanding when I go back to work. Sometimes I just want to sleep during the day when she is sleeping but I find that I should either be cleaning, trying to exercise, or something else. But Im forever busy doing things.

I usually come online when Im breastfeeding my baby, or the house is clean and I can spare some time. But I constantly feel like I should be doing something else.

My husband gets home at 7pm. And then he stays up until late doing paperwork, checking emails etc. He is always so tired when he gets home so its a little difficult to order him around.

yes he is going out to work but you are also working. looking after your baby is a full time job in its self. you need to take time out for yourself and rest if you need it, otherwise you might find that eventually you are just so burnt out that you cant do anything. your baby and your health is the main priority at the moment, the house work should come later and he should understand that.

Screw the housework, enjoy your child before they grow up! If hubby wants the place cleaner, he can always do so himself. Being a mum is ten times harder and longer than any fulltime job, so start valuing the job you do.
Sounds a little familiar. I am a bit of a control freak and a bit obsessive about the housework etc. I too was trying to do it all. I wouldnt take any help from anyone. I wanted too but they wouldnt do it MY way so I would get angry at them. I soon realised that it was ok to take help and let them do it, even if it wasnt MY way. My husband often gets angry at me and reminds me to let him do some cooking, cleaning etc. Which is good. I never thought I would be like this. But I just wanted to be the PERFECT housewife, mother and wife. But there is more to life hey!
And I too didnt join a mothers group until recently and I wish I did earlier.. It has been good.
Hope things get better for you. You are doing a great job!
Take care.
You know people keep saying join a mothers group but to be honest. Where do u join one of them? Through ur health nurse? Council? I have heard of parenting groups, is that the same thing??

I am trying to do less cleaning now, concentrating more on my daughter and saving all major cleaning to weekends when I have help wit me.

Im really just getting fed up with cleaning after two adults. Their excuse for being lazy is that their tired from work, but im tired as well. I get up during the night to feed my baby. I wake up early to clean around the house and make my husband's lunch and breakfast. And most the time I dont even get the chance to bath until after my husband has left for work and baby is sleeping well.

Im getting so fed up, that im getting snappy with them when they come home and order me to do things.

i joined my mothers group through my health nurse. if yours dont have one maybe ask them if they could suggest somewhere that you could go or google playgroups. you can find a playgroup that is in your area. where do you live?

hope thing get easier soon. big hugs to you

Hi newmum 25 first thing is that you arent a robot that can keep going and maybe you just need to relax about the housework and enjoy your daughter and maybe get your hubby to help out abit around the house so you dont get stress out and maybe you need to join a mothers group in your area or even start your own mothers group that get together onces a forth night or month and you can even get your daughter into swimming lessons at her age and thats what I did when my daughter was 4 months old and I found it help me out alot and I didnt feel trap at home all the time.

Even if you meet up with your cousins now and than for a coffee and chat up with them.

But try not to worry about the housework course that is always going to be there and just enjoy your daughter while she is so young.

Tracey,Jaye (girl)12/06/05, Sam (boy)10/07/09

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