MUM cant sleep

since having my daughter early at 34 weeks she is now 11 weeks old,since having her home i now find i cant sleep,i am surviveing on 2 hours at the most a night,every sound she makes i feel compeled to run to her to make sure she is ok,as she stopped breathing a few times when she was born.
now i find i cant get myself into a pattern,ive tryed herbal sleeping remadies with no success,and im finding myself becoming depressed and moody from lack of sleep.
this has been going on for so long now,i find things near impossable to do as i am so run down.
can someone please help me i have no idea what to do or where to turn.
please help i need sleep....

This sound like a really terrible situation, and I feel for you!

Firstly, has your DD ever stopped breathing since she has been at home with you? If not then that is a good sign that nothing is wrong with her apart from the fact that she came a little bit early! Im sure if the Dr's thought there was anything seriously wrong with her they would not let her go home with you.
All babies make noise when they sleep! That is one reason wo do not have our DD in our room with us! If we had to listen to every noise she made, I'm sure I woudln't get much sleep either!!

Secondly, how much time do you spend 'relacing' during the day? I say relaxing as not all people can sleep during the daylight hours.. I think if you lay down when your DD was sleeping, you might get enough energy ot last the day.

Thirdly, a strange question but relates, how much exercise are you getting? A short walk once a day will do wonders for your energy levels and DD too! It's a bit of a push to get yourself out there, but once you get into the routine it will help a great deal!
I hope some of these suggestions help you during this horrible time! We here all know and understand what its like to have no sleep!

thanks for replying, i try to relax but i cant seem to settle her, i have her in the same room only for the fact that she has vomited in her sleep a number of times nearly chocking on us also, i excercise alot im pretty active, but lately i have no energy to do so, even when i push myself, she hasnt stopped breaathing at home once, i cant seem to find myself a routine.
i have also been suffering from the baby blues, all i want to do is cry, i think its from lack of sleep but i also find no matter how tired i become i cant relax my mind enough to sleep,my body just doesnt want to switch off,
my moods have become pretty bad i find i dont even want my hubby around me,
i feel just like a failer to my daughter and my hubby,she is my first and spent 4 weeks in hospital in which i didnt sleep while she was in their either,
i will try more exsecise as i think i could do with some more of that.
thank you so much for your reply and help
{happy to be Alyssa's mum}.

Hi Alyssa's Mum,

You poor thing. I have only experienced a few nights of such little sleep as you are experiencing and it is hell and leaves you incredibly teary. How you are standing up is beyond me. I've only got a couple of suggestions that may put your mind at ease.

I have an Angelcare monitor. They can be bought from Target or baby stores. It is just like an ordinary monitor but also has a sensor pad which is placed under the baby's matress. If there is no movement for 20 seconds it will alarm. I use it every single time my baby goes down for a sleep, day or night and have peace of mind that if anything should happen I will be alerted. Several of the other Mum's in my mother's group have one and we all agree it is a god send. You know it is working because if you take bub out of their cot and forget to switch it off it will alarm after 20 seconds. How it can measure their breathing through an entire cot matress is beyond me but it does and it is brilliant. None of us have ever had a malfunction so I highly recommend it to put your mind at ease about Alyssa's wellbeing. Knowing she is safe may help you to relax. They are $170 at Target - I got mine on special for $109.

Also, if you are worried about her choking on vomit I have chosen to sleep my baby on her side. Mostly because she seemed to prefer it this way. I know it is against SIDS advice, however, I purchased a bumper from BigW which goes either side of her and prevents her from rolling forward or backward. You may wish to try this if choking is a concern for you. Even though it is not the preferred SIDS back sleeping I feel okay knowing she can't roll and the monitor will alarm if there's any problem.

As for you I can only suggest trying to switch that mind off. You need to have bub far enough away that you can't hear every murmur, just when she's serious and needs you. My DD makes heaps of noise in her sleep so sleeps in her own room. I can hear her when she calls out or cries but not when she is stirring or dreaming. Have a nice warm shower or bath before bed, try a lavendar oil or cream, relax your shoulders (you'll probably find they're up around your hears), try and think of nothing - focus on black nothingness and if need be count back from one hundred (sounds crazy I know). Works for me most of the time. Or if you have a partner, ask him to rub your hair or back to help you drift off. Don't lie awake thinking she will be up soon for another feed. She'll wake you when she's ready so don't pre-empt it.

Let your mind switch off. She will be okay and you are doing a fabulous job as a new Mum. And if there's anyone that can give you some help ie. Mum, DH or friend so you can catch some sleep during the day, don't be afraid to ask for Help.

If you're having trouble with a routine, I started by figuring out how long bub was happy to be awake for. Around 11 weeks it was 1 1/2 hours for her and she was feeding 3 hourly. So I'd have her up for 1 1/2 hours and then asleep for 1 1/2 hours. Feed, play, sleep. She always stirs after a 40 minute sleep cycle so I re-settle her, knowing she needs to sleep through to her next feed. My sleep book says only one sleep cycle, or less than an hour is not a healthy sleep. Once you get some sort of feed, play, sleep routine going throughout the day, all else I can suggest is feeding more frequently in the evening (say 2 hourly) and giving bub a bath, followed by a lavendar cream massage to relax before bed and trigger her big sleep. Has worked for us so far. As for settling - wrapping tightly and a dummy settles my little one.

If you need any support or someone to chat to PM me.

I wish you luck in getting a good nights sleep. See your Doctor if things don't improve. You need to take care of yourself in order to take care of your beautiful baby.

Thinking of you.

Kellie.

I feel for you Allysa's mum. I can't seem to operate on 5 hours sleep a night and you're trying with 2! I've even found that when DH is home and has DS in the other room telling me to get some sleep I lie there and wonder about whether he is ok and can't stop thinking. I've found that you have to let go of some control and trust other people with DS. As for the sleeping during the day, I have a cup of peppermint tea and sleep on my DH's pillow as it smells of him and seems to calm me. Also playing some soft music may help with your bubs' noises being drowned out a little.

Hi, My daughter is now 5 weeks old and was born at 35 weeks, she is my 6th baby, but my first premmie. I find i am doing exactly the same thing as you, firstly i feel like i need to be with her because she wasnt able to come at birth I find i am spending more time cuddling her and bonding to make up for the time she was in SCN. I also am upp evey 1/2 hour i think watching her and checking her noises. i do sleep her on her side, so after wach feed she rotated left then right so her head diesn't go flat on one side for fear of her choking on her vomit. She is also a windy baby so it can take ages for a burp to come. She is also stillin our room, which none of the other 5 hae been, they are usually out in a day or 2. The only thing i have been doing is going to bed at about 7.30pm and getting afew hours solid. so DH is awake and listens out for her, cause by about 11pm, i am up for pretty much the rest of the night. i know i should do all of the above mentioned suggestions, but I feel this urge to be with her all the time even though iit is keeping me awake all night. I also think i feel guilty that she was prem and that she couldnt come home with us straight away. I do suggest a vitamin though to keep you going a bit, I take the 30+ tablets, but you don't have to be 30 to take them! anyway if you find something else thaT works let me know, but the going to bed early is the only thing i have been doing so far...

Hi
KellieV all your advice is brilliant.

Alyssa's mum, good luck to you! (I am also an Alyssa Mum hee hee)

Hi Alwaysawake, sounds like you really ARE always awake these days!!!!!

cheers

Alyssa's Mum,

What I'm about to suggest is completely the opposite of what everyone else has suggested but it has worked for me. It's just a suggestion and you can use it or ignore it, it's up to you.

DD is now 7 weeks old and has reflux. We had her in her bassinet in our room, but she was very noisy and I was always getting up to her when she choked on her vomit. I started bringing her into our bed but was worried about DH rolling onto her or her falling out of bed. My CHN suggested putting her cot in our room. We have the side off and it is wedged between the wall and the bed so it doesn't move and we have made sure there is no gap she can fall into.

We did this nearly two weeks ago and I have been sleeping really well ever since. She has also started sleeping for 8-9 hrs a night. I can easily reach her if she is choking or I am concerned and I just pick her up and bring her into bed to feed her (lying down). She then goes back into the cot so that I know she is safe.

As I said, it's up to you as this is not for everyone and you have to do what works for you and your bub.

All the best.

I know exactly how you feel. I was so scared of something happenning to my little boy, ie, that he'd stop breathing, that I just couldn't sleep. I was always checking on him and listening for any variation in noise - which for a newborn is almost every second breath! This made me exhausted, depressed, teary and feeling generally like I couldn't cope. (A few years before having a baby, I had a sleep deprivation issue, and the results were exactly the same!)
The absolute best thing I ever bought was an Angelcare movement monitor. I cannot recommend it enough. It just gave me such peace of mind, knowing that if my baby stopped breathing, an alarm would go off. I started to get some sleep, (in between feeds... oh the joy of newborns), and whilst it obviously won't help with everything, I promise you that the other problems are so much easier to deal with once you've had some sleep!

Oh, and it does get easier and easier as bubs gets older! Keep your chin up, you're doing a great job smile

Hey...we also had the same prob with our twin girls as they were 3 weeks prem and very small.
We brought an angelcare movement monitor for each of them, and i would recommend everyone to have one of these, it helped us sleep so much better as i knew that an alarm would go off.. it's great as it picks up movement such as the babys breathing it is so sensitive.

i too can't sleep.

I have a 12wk old daughter and was very sleepy when i was breastfeeding and would be asleep by 11pm the latest, now i'm bottle feeding i can;t sleep.

I go to bed 12am - 4am every night and am then up again between 5 -7 with her 1st feed.

I'm now on sleeping tablets - which dont work, and the doctor only wants me on them 4 a wk which is today. I have a few left and am going to take them as after 2 -3 tablets i finally drift off to sleep.

I hate surviving on 3-5 hrs sleep a nite, then i have to look after my bub all day till my partner gets home maybe 7pm every nite then his in bed by 9.30pm latest as he has an early start 4.30 - 6.30 am!!!

So i pretty much do it by myself as he doesn;t get up of a nite and never has!!