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is it too much to ask?? Lock Rss

just a long vent, no need to reply....

Grrr I'm so mad right now! I feel like just giving him the baby and going out for a few hours!! Just to have some time to myself!

All I ask is that he change one nappy occasionally! I shouldn't have to ask! He should offer to do it! She is 5 1/2 weeks old and he's changed maybe 5 nappies. Every time I ask him to do it we end up arguing and I end up changing it myself. Or offer to get up in the wee hours of the morning when she won't re-settle after her feed. He'll do that if I ask but I mean FFS! I shouldn't have to ask and when I do these things shouldn't amount to a friggin argument!! I don't like changing nappies but hey someone has to do it! I manage around 10 a day!! Just one a day is all I want him to do

I really am soooo mad! He made this baby too, yeah he does things like put the nappy bin out, empty her bath (he's never even bathed her!), cooks when I can't settle her (he doesn't seem to mind because he has a new bbq and cooks on that), and he'll do the dishes most nights, I do help when I can. Oh and he does the manly things like mow the lawn.

He must think I sit around all day doing nothing, I don't think he realises how much hard work bub can be through the day.

And on top of all this, I'm trying to organise our wedding and bub's naming which is in 10 weeks time. I sat down with him last night to discuss the ceremony, after we'd done most of the wedding bit he got up to go to the loo and never came back to dicuss things. I feel like the entire thing is being left up to me! Just some friggin support, to be beside me and agree or disagree with what I'm organising is all I want! Some input!! My mother won't help because 'I'm good at organising things and she's not' and his mum would have no idea and would suggest a million other things, plus she doesn't want to do too much because she doesn't wanna step on my mum's toes.

I've just had enough and needed to get it out before I started yelling at him!

Thanks for reading, no need to reply.
GBH to you! And congrats on doing it mostly yourself!

Hoping things will get easier!

My DP is the same, its just his nature but I know it is darn frustrating!
My DD is almost 3 and i think my DP changed her nappy at most 10 times!! I understand how frustrating it is!!
My DD is 12 weeks and DP has changed maybe 2 nappies. I think most blokes are like that. He does work a fair bit though and does a lot of the cooking.
we've done a deal! If he changes a nappy, I'm not allowed to be present! I must be off doing something else.

I just asked that he does it once every now n again. Here's hoping...
my husband doesn't change them when they have little bums either but the plus side is as she gets bigger he prob will help because he won't be so scared .... my hubby thought he would accidently hurt her because she was so little. even with the third he was scared........ he was fine once they all hit about the 6 - 7 month age............. maybe he will get better later
The best piece of advise I was given, was to look after your baby as if you were single (don't rely on DH for any help) and if he does help, then it's a bonus.. saved my sanity that's for sure. My DH changes nappies now, but didn't when she was really little, plus I didn't really like him doing it cause he was too gentle and wouldn't get all the poop off cause he didn't wipe her enough or her nappy would be really really loose cause he was scared he would hurt her if it was too tight tongue
He helps heaps now cause she is bigger so he's not so scared etc.
Unexpected Surprise - Glad you managed to come to some sort of agreement! I agree that it's his baby too and he needs to be a 50/50 partner in everything to do with her. I can understand why he might be antsy about you standing watching when he does things though! That would drive me crazy! Maybe you should leave bubs with him and go out for a few hours! Give yourself a break and show him she is his too and that you trust him! smile

Nik24dan - I think that's terrible advice! I expect my OH to be involved and I think if you don't have expectations then you'll never get anywhere! I kinda think it's really sad to have no expectations of the role your OH will play...JMO.
I know how you feel. DH freely admits he has changed 4 nappies of DS2 to date and he is 5weeks 3days today. He hasn't bathed him, but does fill and empty the bath. Also for probably the first 2 weeks or so he hardly even held him. I thought being that this is our second he would be more hands on, but he still thinks they are to delicate. Neither has been a small baby either both over 8lbs.

He also is very good at mowing the lawns or doing gardening, but not so great at helping inside. As far as cooking goes he will help out if I'm busy with a grumpy baby, but has managed to ruin nachoes and butter chicken (the packet stuff), by making his own changes to them.

I came to the realisation though that for us it's fine for me to do all the baby stuff, because at least DH is spending plenty of time with DS1 and doing many of his nappy changes when he's at home.

When we got married DH was reasonably hands off as well, he had the view it's the brides day and should be exactly what she wants, though if there was anything he had strong opinions about he voiced them. This view came from his parents, who unlike my mother were happy for it to be what I wanted and didn't feel they needed to tell me how things should be done.

All the best for your wedding and enjoy your little girl

During out first DD i never ever got up to her or changed a nappie or bath her during the week, weekends were diffrent i would get up to her,

My opion on this was i work, i needed the sleep, when i was in the office i would get up to bubs, But not when i was driving the big rig, I needed al the sleep at night i could get,

No good rocking up to work asleep, Boss would get ***,

cheers
I have a wonderful partner! I have never asked him to change a nappy, he just does it...

I mostly got up in the night as he started work early, but if I was in there for ages he would come in and lie on the floor to give me support or take over for a few minutes to give me a break.

He struggled when DS started solids! Used to gag when changing nappies, but then I am sure everyone has done that.??

Now at 16mos, we have a deal....whoever finds it changes it! We take it in turns to get up to DS as required, which is not all that common now thank goodness.

We have a 50/50 partnership with our child...He understands that during the day looking after one with another on the way, trying to renovate a house and looking after the one we live in (and washing, cleaning etc) is quite a lot for one person. He works long hours too, but understands I do not get a break during the day and I understand that he does not either. So on weekends, I have brekky in bed on SAT and a little lie in, and he gets the same on a SUN.

The only thing I can suggest is to communicate! You both need to understand how the other feels. That way you can attempt to resolve your differences for the long term. good luck!
It gets better. No, it does. I nearly got a divorce when my first was born because I thought DH was useless. When I fell pregs with the second we talked about that new baby part a whole lot and he said his biggest issue with our first was how much more bubs needs mum than dad. It makes them feel useless so they become useless. Also, baby girls are so much scarier to big hulking men than you would think. Men are just over sized little boys, they need praise for helping with dishes and cooking. This will lead directly to more helping and of course on your part more praise.
I often suggest books to read and while it may not feel like with a NB you have much time to read, you have more time now than you will later. I would suggest you read The Five Love Languages. It explains how if you feel loved you can give more love and to me it sounds like you need him to perform more "acts of service" for you. The best way to get him to do that is to figure out what makes him feel love (praise or "words of affirmation" is pretty common with men) so he will do more stuff for you. In addition to the two listed above the other three languages are:
physical touch, gift giving and quality time.

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