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hes not ready Lock Rss

hi all,
i really need some advice my partner is 19 im 24 we have a ds 3mths we found out at 30 weeks we were both happy well so i thought now all we do is fight n he says he not ready to be a dad n wants to be out with friends n no time with us he has lost all interest in bubs as he will only hold him 4 a few min then put him down, i dont know what to do he says he still loves me but i broke it off as he doesnt show it. he stresses alot i know it would be hard 4 him but i feel i have no support i dont know what to do or say, im just sick of fighting n wish things could be different as i never thought this would happen.

anne,n.s.w, ds 4.3.06

Hi there,
i thought i would reply to you, if you are needing support about your relationship or you and your 3mth old you can always come on here and have a chat to someone and ask anything, partners can be such inconsiderate, self centred and careless beeps i know, because i have one, my partner is almost as bad but he has been getting better, you would have learnt by now how much patients it takes to have a baby and you maybe need to have patients with your partner or ex partner, and just worry about your son and yourself. Hope things start to look better for you. You can talk to me any time you want i may not be much help but i'm someone who you can get support from. hope to hear from you soon.

char,sa,2mth old baby

Hi Ethans mummy

It doesnt matter what age men are when they first become a dad it is a scary process for men. I know it is scary for us as well but we are mum and our maternal instinct kicks in naturally as it doesnt for men. I think you would find if your partner was very honest with you he would tell you he is scared to death! it is hard for women when they first have there babies as they have so much change ahead of them with hormones and the right way to go about raising your child that i also think we can leave our realationships on the back burner a bit and it comes very much about you and the baby. I am a mum for the first time as well and i have had to sit my husband down and tell him what i expect of him, but dont forget you also need to know what he expects of you it goes both ways. Maybe you could encourage him to bath Ethan and get involved with him in others ways that doesnt concern mum and encourage him to be part of not only his life but yours as well. The parent help line maybe able to recommend a Fatherhood seminar in your area that you may be able to get him to go to so he can understand a bit more about his role as a dad. You are both so young still but that does not mean you cannot hold a mature response to the situation. Maybe get involved in your area in a parent class yourself or play group so you have the support from other mums, it think you will find mums are only to happy to help a single mum out in need. If you lived in Adelaide where i am i could show you a great playgroup that i go too. There is no need to do this on your own even if the things dont work out between you and your partner, dont isolate yourself you will be suprised how many people will put there hand up to help. Sweety i bet you are also making an awesome mum and you should be proud of the efforts that you have done so far. Remember to give yourself a pat on the back every so often, i had to train my partner, with alot of arguments in between so i think it is necessary to fight to a certain degree to understand what each others expectations are, also it is good to remember what bought you guys together in the first place and try to do those things again that bought you together. How you called each other for hours and laughed. Maybe have your son baby sat for a few hours or so and go on a date with him to get you out of the house without your son and just talk about stuff, like you probably did in the beginning.

It wont be like this forever keep your head up and make some time so you guys can talk CALMLY and list what your expectations are over the next fortnight or so of each other and work from there.

Sometimes us women have to take charge to help our men out, but also make him accountable for his actions, make him realise what he will going without if he doesnt listen to you.

Hope this is helpful to you. Let me know how you go. My email address is [email protected] if you want a further ear to hear

Love Ashers mum. Goodluck
hi there i thought i would reply as i went through what your going through about 4 years ago my parnter and i found out i was pregnant when i was 18 he was only 17 he turned 18 a week before our son it was ok for a while but then he only wanted to be with his friends it got to the point were he was lying to me so he could be with his friends but i can say things have gotten better as im having my 3rd baby with him in less then 3 weeks i hope every thing works out for you and let mother be good dont worry about them most of the time men change if you need to to talk feel free to my msn is [email protected]

qld mother of 4yr zac 2yr landon and baby noah

When i read your msg it felt very close to home. Im 19 and my (ex)partner is 23. we have a 2 month old son (tyler) your story sound so much like my life ... well its sad really. Before my pregnancy we were fine... during the late stages of my pregnancy is when i started seeing thar he wasnt ready and that he still wanted to go out with the boys. i questioned him about it and he said he wanted to make the most of it before i had the baby ... well i had the baby and it just seemed to get worse. Now that tyler is 2 months old i have given my partner the boot .... today was the final straw. I know how hard it is because well if you were like me you had the feeling that well .... its your fault. But nah its crap ... they bail at the last minute when it all gets too hard and they want to go out and see the boys ... but hey i'm gona meet and marry a rich one and his gonna love me and tyler....done feel like you will be alone forever just because you have a bubz at a young age ... bubz is not baggage ... the guyz who think they are are not worth it .
[email protected]
Hi ethansmummy I think that no one is ever ready for fatherhood or motherhood and sometimes I think people use that excuse cause they dont want to be there and plus you need support from your partner as well and if you arent getting that from him than maybe you are better off and I know thats not nice to say that and plus I understand how he cant hold his son that is 3months old and they grow so fast and when he is older your partner is going to wonder what happen to all them years that he has miss out with his son and you as a family.

Just keep strong for you and your son and you are doing a awsome job.

Tracey,Jaye (girl)12/06/05, Sam (boy)10/07/09

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