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what can i do??? Lock Rss

HEY,

i have an 11 day old baby girl, born by emergency c section and im still really sore. daniel (her father) works wednesday to sunday and im with her all day. he doesnt pay much attention to her when he gets home and doesnt get up at all during the nights to help me with feeds or changing or anything. its like being a single mum. what can i do???
Hi There,

Iv seen a few ppl have looked at your post but no replies!

I know how you feel as I had an emergency C/section as well, it is hard at fist but it will get better.. Do you have any family close by that could give you a hand through the day?

Have you tried talking to your partner? Explaining that you really need his help in the first few weeks?

My hubby was like this at first to, but I realised its a really big change for them to and everyone deals with it in a different way..

Sorry I couldnt be much help but we are all here for you if you need to chat..

Alicia

hey

I think it takes even longer than 6 weeks to get over a ceasar, my boy is 15 weeks old now and i have found i am only just starting to feel better now. You have had major surgery and apart fom the fact that you feel a little (actually alot), crazy after having a baby anyway your emotions are just everywhere your boobs hurt and you have had no sleep since before you went into hospital!
You really do need alot of understanding at the moment.
Men, really i think are petrified of coming a father for the first time and i think us women can be a little exprctant of them to think they should know what to do and they just dont.

I got so frustrated with my hubby i actually pushed him into a wall so hard i thought i was losing my marbles. It was only then he realised that i was starving for help, but he just didnt know what was expected of him. I realised i hadnt been communicating with him at all i just expected him to know what i needed so we made up a roster system for him so he knew exactly what was expected of him and how to do it.

Does he stick to it all the time NO, should you push your partner into a wall to make him realise Tempting sometimes but NO! I think it is just important to communicate with him properly in language he can understand. The roster sytem for us works really well actually and it takes the pressure of me to constantly be telling him what to be doing all the time. And also a big suprise it was his idea!!

Arnt we amamzing us women!! I think we are incredible human beings. For the time being make sure you are getting enough sleep and have a bath with some candles and some soft music playing on your own when bubs is in bed or the partner is home and just forget about your responsibiliteis for a while.

IT DOES GET BETTER TRUST ME! i know you dont think it will at the moment but it does and every week that goes by you see new advancements and it is so exciting.

P.S my hubby loves our baby, But it has really only been in the last month or so that he has started to pay alot of attention to him. He just is starting to feel more comfortable in his role as a daddy.
Make sure you encourage Daniel when he spends time with her and tell him he is doing a good job as men really need the encouragement. I know we do to but that is what we are here for so you go girl you are awesome and you are doing an awesome job of being a mum.
**Be honest with him of what your need are**
and ask him of what his are i think you might be suprised of the response.

Love ya your doing wonderful



I hope you are feeling a little better now as a c section can be difficult. I always wished I was one of those mums that walked back with my baby from the labour ward. They make it look so easy looking after their babies afterwards. I'm sure they have their own battles, when you have the pain it makes things look so much harder. Make sure you are not reaching up with your washing as that does slow down the healing process.
Some fathers really don't pitch in when it comes to the baby, I don't know why as it comes so naturally to us. Is he able to do anything else for you to give you a break, even doing the dishes will help. Even if you have to do it all with your baby getting others things done by hubby will give you a bit of a break. I'm lucky my husband helps out a little but I find it easier to do most myself as he complains so it's easier not to ask, that way I don't have to fight him and it just gets done. As the babies get older hubbies show them off as though they have done it all. See what you can get him to help with but remember he doesn't think you have done anything all day, they just don't get it. I get my hubby to have my 8 week old baby for an hour while I do some running around, as soon as I walk in the door she's handed back and he's looking like he's been run ragged.
Best of luck.

julia,mum of Lauren, Lindy & Stevie

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